ninjapitka, The Dramatist

Member Since

6/11/2018

Last Activity

8/19/2019 11:33 PM

EXP Points

591

Post Count

284

Storygame Count

2

Duel Stats

9 wins / 10 losses

Order

Notorious Marauder

Commendations

81

I found myself lost in the CYS epics and even though I'm more of a reader than a writer, I wanted to create my own.

Check out my first two published games below. Please leave a comment or message me with your opinion.

Book I'm currently reading: The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky

My favorite video games in order are the Fallout Series, League of Legends, The Elder Scrolls, Pillars of Eternity, Guild Wars 2, and The Witcher 3.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points

Storygames

The King's Command

Not all princes obey the rules.

Entry for Corgi's Unofficial Contest: The Lords of the Land. 

The Providence of Kria lies unsteady. Peace between two major nations, Brelia and Rath, is quickly unraveling. In attempt to prevent another war, heir to the throne of Brelia, Prince Urijah, is sent on a diplomatic mission to Rath. In your older brother's absence, the burden of defending the kingdom falls to you.


Twin Arrows

1852 - The Territory of New Mexico

The hunt has taken me to to the outer edges of civilization. Out here, lawlessness abides. There are no godly folk. Only heathen. The inner demon in me can relate to the call of anarchy. No rules, being bound by nothing — it sounds like freedom. In the end, that "freedom" is simply the self-indulgent, care-free living that is a poison upon humanity. If killing a man will save society from the infection of lawlessness, then I will gladly do what is necessary.

You eye the journal at your lap. The freshly written ink expands and bleeds to the perfect width of the ballpoint. Satisfied that it won’t smear, you shut the book and toss it aside. The meager fire at your feet does little to warm your body, but its original use was already completed. The frail, thin-boned squirrel did little to satisfy your hunger. Still, it would keep you alive until the next meal. You pull the leather waterskin from your pack to gauge how much longer it would last. With a gentle shake you estimate it’ll last a couple more days with strict rationing.

The road is lonely. In a former life, you dreamed about wandering the world without any responsibility or burdens. The reality of the road's harsh living conditions were nothing like the trigger-happy romanticized versions of the lawless west. Here there are no home-cooked meals, no warm body to lie next to yours. It's only you and the necessary task. Someone had to die.

You gaze up at the night sky. It seemed foreign at first. Without city lights to disorient the constellations, it looked like an entirely new sky. If you traveled at a good pace, you’d reach Canyon Diablo by midday. You pull the bone-carved pipe from your pack and light a match against the sole of your foot. You lie down on your bedroll, breathe in the relaxing tobacco, and drift off to sleep...

Author's Note:

The Wild West is a dangerous place. Be sure to make good use of that "back" button. I've hidden three achievements throughout the story. Yes, your total score will show if you've discovered them or not. The highest score possible is an 8/8.


Point Breakdown:
Achievements: 1 point each
Epilogue: 5 points

Recent Posts

RIP lordkarstark on 8/19/2019 2:24:15 PM
I saw a "LordCarpark" online about a week ago. Not sure if it was actually Kar or not.

New Contest Theme: Lone Hero on 8/18/2019 2:26:17 AM
I'm done. Find my entry here.

IM BLACK AND STILL A FAGGOT! on 8/16/2019 5:44:56 PM
Ah, yes the niggot. A rare breed indeed.

Colored Lines and Dark Tunnels on 8/15/2019 9:17:43 AM
Glad you explained some of the Russian words beforehand. I'm interested to read part 2 since this is a ton of build up. I sort of interpreted the voices as an evil wanting to manifest its power in Dimitri. Then again it could be a way of displaying the internal effect of propaganda. It's always interesting to read things written in first person on this site and I think you've definitely got a wonderful start to whatever you make the story into.

CYS Book Club: Book Two on 8/14/2019 11:43:22 AM
Here's the comment I posted: The opening page starts out strong. There is heavy use of imagery and description. It almost feels out of place with how detailed the visuals are described. The more I think about it, the more I think it’s a tremendous way to start this game in particular because what’s different about the beginning page that sets it apart from the rest of the story? It’s pre-doll. I find it kind of amazing to gaze upon the wonders and majestic, royal living before it’s contrasted with the perspective of a crude doll. Plus, it can’t hurt to “wow” your reader with elegant writing to grab their attention (unless your audience is 13). It’s hard not to comment on the gender swap. It’s an interesting dynamic to include. It’s also very weird to call the princess and the love of your life “Wilky William”. I like drugs too. Obviously the fact that you turn into a doll suddenly should be the main “Uh, this is weird” moment. The gender swap just adds to it and I like it. You can also see the love between you and the princess is strong because even in the doll state, their feelings never change. It shows that their love is deeper than physical attraction (unless they’re both bisexual and have a doll fetish). I do find the formatting a bit distracting from the story at certain points. There are several bulk-sized paragraphs with dialogue mixed in. I think it would be easier to read and flow better to break them into different paragraphs. Besides, isn’t that proper grammar? It’s not as distracting as misspelled words, but it definitely requires a deeper level of focus from the reader. On a site desperate for reviewers, I don’t think this helps. On the subject of formatting, the paragraph breaks are really far apart. I think it’s due to the Advanced Editor. I think the quality of writing is high and the formatting issues are a negative influence to it. Luckily, it’s an easy fix. The pathing seems to have great effect on the story. There’s not really a “re-branching” link that forces you back on the main thread of the story. I think the level of storylines and different circumstances fit the overall theme of the story. It’s a ridiculous story (in a positive way) and I think bottlenecking it into one branch would be a disservice. There does seem to be an underlying theme of humans being assholes, but we can just chalk it up to the demographic that still associate with dolls. The Dolls' Quest is definitely a quality storygame to read. It’s very unique. At this point in time, you won’t read another story on the site that it resembles. Although depressing in some sections, it’s a fun read and I would recommend. Looking forward to reading the next story this “sick and depraved human being” puts out.

New Article: For People Who Like To Read on 8/13/2019 2:18:51 PM
Nice list. I've read all the popular stories on the site and always had trouble finding quality games not featured or published by someone that isn't well-known. This is quite a diplomatic approach to get people to read/rate games as opposed to publishing something titled "Read My Stories or Die!". Someone should write their Lone Hero contest piece about someone signing up on CYS, leaving detailed comments on the entire list, and then vanishing into the sunset. The third storygame for Bravery's Book Club should definitely be one of these.

New Contest Theme: Lone Hero on 8/13/2019 9:24:11 AM
I'll have something. I'm aiming to publish Saturday so my entire weekend won't be a mad scramble to protect the reputation of my semi-anonymous internet profile.

CYS Book Club: Book One on 8/9/2019 11:13:06 PM
My post is unique as well. I think the whole Book Club thing should be more discussion based rather than simply copying down your comment, but I get it. You're spending lots of time dissecting the story, so why not post it for those who stumble on the storygame and don't read the Book Club thread.

CYS Book Club: Book One on 8/8/2019 6:50:36 PM
You guys move fast. Some of us are busy during the week *cough* don't check my "Last played" in Discord. I actually rated Inseparable super high my first time around. I gave it a 7. Don't worry your little lowercased m, mizal, I kept it a seven during this play through. Here are my thoughts rereading Inseparable: It’s hard (no pun intended) not to comment on the opening scene of Inseparable. I find the whole idea of startling birds by having sex hilarious, although maybe my maturity level is just at a six year old's. I remember the first time I heard about “hooking your reader” (not to be confused with 'hooking up with your reader') was in fifth grade. The teacher gave us a list of potential hooks: questions, action, dialogue, etc., which Inseparable definitely utilizes. She should have included “sex” on that list because I was thrust into the story from the first page (pun intended). Actually the first time I read this, it didn’t even strike me that the lovers were two doods. I must have skimmed by the second page because it’s obvious when your mother is calling you “her dear boy, Mirk”. I must have missed the LGTBTQKYS tag and the countless other tells as well (i.e. is that a stick of firewood in your pocket or just regular wood?). Maybe I just forgot the story was about gay boys. It explains the circumstance they're in, but didn't add or detract from the story much in my opinion. Anyway, the overall theme is quite grim. From Mondy’s health, the lonely feelings, even your maple tree has a dead, decaying feel to it. I mean, the story opens with background of forsaking your family and entire village for Mondy… then your mom dies…. then Mondy is about to die... what’s next? Your dick falls off? Plus, when you’re rolling search checks in the village, it’s empty. Everyone’s either gone or died. It’s like the reverse of Sodom and Gomorrah. I forget what people commented about the lack of branching, but I don’t mind the linear story. The link choices aren’t really choices since you’re forced to basically click them all until you reach the end. The false choice style doesn’t really bother me either because it doesn’t take away anything from the story. You also don’t usually notice it’s a false choice until you replay the story. The story is mostly driven through past events. I guess it sort of makes sense as you’re pretty much the only character that can walk in the story. It’s a bit circular as the basic format is: Go to X. Have a memory (roll for search check). Go back. Go to Y. Have a memory (search). Go back. I don’t have any complaints about the cyclical story nature. After the first two links you just expect what’s about to happen next. It’s a short, simple storygame with a higher level of writing than most of the site. The theme is very consistent throughout. There weren’t many characters, but from the memories everyone seemed to act within their character arc. The characters were essentially the lovers and the haters aka the whole town. The character’s seemed rather generic. I didn’t read any quirks or characteristics that cemented them as unique in my mind. The most unique thing about them is probably their names. For a short storygame, that didn’t really take away from anything. It’s short, simple, and engaging to read. Best line in the whole story: “Hell, wood is wood. I can use this”. Ha! Gaaaaay!

Outlines on 8/8/2019 11:03:54 AM
Well I don’t have too much experience as I’m only on my second storygame, but I suppose it’s better than nothing. I tend to take the “free write” approach with a little prodding from caffeine or booze or sometimes both. I’m learning that once writer’s block happens, it’s mostly due to lack of structure or I lost track of the story. That’s where an outline can be helpful, especially if you find yourself in a clusterfuck of branches or simply don’t know what to do next. There’s a thread somewhere on here where EndMaster mentioned creating a timeline for his stories and that’s what I did for my first storygame. It’s a good way to keep on track because you can see visually where you started and where you need to end. The timeline helped my story remain focused, but I think I stuck to it too closely and that’s why my storygame was rather linear. Upon reflection, I probably should have made multiple, interconnecting timelines to fit the branching of a CYOA. Oh well. I’m doing it differently on my second storygame though as I’m including more game elements. The first time around, I didn’t “import” anything until after it was all typed and edited in Scrivener. This time I’m saving pages to the storygame as I write them to see how it looks or if something is obviously lacking. You get a good sense of the story structure and flow seeing it in the CYS format. As far as strict outlining goes, I don’t do much. I tend to have a more extensive brainstorming process in the beginning so there’s always a direction to go, and once I hit a roadblock then I revisit the notes and plan out the next scene.