, #41 for
played 2,623 times (finished 211)
"march in the swamp"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
You got 5 bucks and a hunger that only some Mcdonald's can cure!
This made me laugh, but it has many flaws, but many good things about it as well :)
I don't like how one of the first choices can kill you, and I don't really enjoy the lolrandom choices (they're a bit annoying and odd), but I guess that was the type of humor you used for this storygame. However, when used too much, lolrandom humor isn't funny. It just gets annoying.
I did like the writing style, and you have potential. If you'd included more detail and character development, I would have rated it higher.
Speaking of character development, I noticed little to no development for the characters. I don't feel anything for them. Even in humor stories, you need to have emotion, and remember that it doesn't have to be cheesy, serious emotion :)
It was very creative, and decently fleshed out. Honestly, it's the best storygame about McDonalds i've ever read!
I enjoyed the plot, but more development and a more clear setting would have been nice.
Overall, I did like it but you've got a lot to work on. 3/8, good job I guess.
on 3/22/2017 8:10:23 PM with a score of 0
Here is another example of an odd, yet creative story on this site!
I'm not going to be soo critisive on this one as others of its kind which are usually more low-ranking and deserve some sort of advice. Because mainly, I didn't really find anything wrong with it.
The grammar and writing could have been a little worked on, obviously. The plot could have been more streetched, with some more options/destinations.
It was fun trying out everything.
-- Fazz on 7/30/2014 2:23:17 AM with a score of 0
on 7/21/2019 5:53:11 PM with a score of 0
Well, I should of expected as much.
Let’s start at the beginning shall we? So I went into the story for a quick look, just pass 10 minutes or so.You know, the usual.I was guessing it was gonna be random, but damn.
Orphan Meat(Dark Humor:check)
Grab her boobs in panic(Just Weird:check)
Having a choice to go into the girls bathroom(Perviness:check)
Over 9000 nuggets(Anime Meme:check)
Having the choice to eat money(Randomness:check)
Moans coming from the bathroom(Bathroom Cliche:check)
Apparently dying from a disease at random(CYOA Cliche:check)
Narrator killing you for picking a choice(100 Year Old Cliche:check)
I could go on, but then I would feel like a bad person.I can’t contemplate how you made this so random.Your Mindset?
Now if you know my reading style, I love randomness, it’s fun and makes it
so you never know what’s around the corner.
But because your story was so small(Small dick in story reference:check) and linear you didn’t really get the good side of a good random story.You just got the memes,dark humor and hopeless clichés.That have been lost to time (To many clichés cliché:check)
I’m not sure if this is just a random story you did to be funny with cringy jokes so bad their good, but I would of hoped you took pride in your work.I love randomness but you made me overdose on what I love so 3/8, okay effort, bad jokes, pervy choices, and a narrator who killed me cause I wanted to see 1 choice.
on 3/16/2018 7:06:08 PM with a score of 0
WHERE THE HELL IS FARM ADVENTURE?!
Great game bud. Much wow.
on 1/3/2018 8:39:01 PM with a score of 0
I can't believe you also wrote Seasons Change...
This was quite funny, I must admit. I ate the money.
on 7/28/2017 9:07:08 AM with a score of 0
THIS MADE MY DAY ??
on 7/9/2017 3:52:53 AM with a score of 0
Sunshine and Rainbows :D
on 6/25/2017 1:55:02 AM with a score of 0
lol, i ate the money
on 6/6/2017 2:14:50 AM with a score of 0
Yay I read the real end.
on 12/17/2016 6:42:16 PM with a score of 0
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