Player Comments on Nutters 2

Filled to the brim with grammar and spelling errors. Just on the first page, the words ‘recognize’ and ‘noise’ have been mercilessly butchered into “reakodnise” and “nosie”, respectably. Not to mention the awkward sentence phrasing.

“You wake up. There is a loud buzzing noise.”

This could be better formatted as: ‘A loud buzzing noise stirs you from your sleep.’

This sentence flows a lot better and tells the reader that the squirrel woke up due to the buzzing sound.

More awkward sentence phrasing: “You look down and see that the nosie is coming from the ground, where a man in a yellow jacket is sawing down your tree. There is a man next to him.”

This would be much better formatted as: ‘You look down and see a man in a yellow jacket with a chainsaw sawing down your tree. Another man stands idly by, seemingly waiting for the tree to fall.’

Since you’ve already mentioned the buzzing sound, there’s no reason to mention it again. It also solves the problem of it sounding like it came from the ground rather than the chainsaw.

“You can’t reakodnise him but you see a twitching eye, and you realise it an evil man. One that is obsessed with squirrel pelts.”

This would be much better formatted as: ‘You can’t recognize him but you see a twitching eye, and you realize it’s an evil man, one that is obsessed with squirrel pelts.’ This way, the fragment is fixed.

I also question how a twitching eye can signify evil but the fact that he wants to kill you doesn't. I also question how sawing down a tree to kill squirrels is a preferred course of action versus hunting rifles. I also question why the squirrel jumped to the conclusion that the man wants to kill squirrels when there's no evidence to back up that thinking and it's more likely that he would want the wood from the tree.

On the next page, the first quotation marks when a new piece of dialogue starts have spaces after them, the ‘I’s are not capitalized, a new paragraph does not start when a new piece of dialogue starts, and quotation marks are used for thoughts. Thoughts can be portrayed in a number of ways, but the best way in my opinion is to italicize the thought.

On the ‘save your mum’ path, why don’t I just wake her up? Also, “Crawl down tree” should be ‘crawl down the tree’ and “jump to another” should be ‘jump to a nearby tree’.

“There is a loud slicing nosie. And a head goes flying past.”

A fragment, change it to: ‘There is a loud slicing noise, and a head goes flying past.’

“It is five minutes later.”

This makes it sound like it’s already been five minutes rather than indicating a passage of time. This would be much better formatted as: ‘Five minutes pass, and still nothing.’

“It had been shot in the chest, and it’s eyes had been scratched out.”

This is past tense; this would be better formatted as: ‘It has been shot in the chest, and its eyes have been scratched out.’

“You struggle with him, he getts angry and bites your head off. The is one bad boy!”

This is just too random, unrealistic and unsatisfying. A kid does not have the ability to bite a small animal’s head off and would not try to do so. Not to mention that the storygame just ends right there, the death not even being interesting nor does it wrap up the story in a satisfying way.

Overall, the storygame desperately needs a thorough proofread. It also needs a complete overhaul that removes all the non-sensical, random and idiotic material and plot-holes, and adds in substantial material such as character development, descriptions of what is happening and what the environment and characters look like, backstories, personalities, and a clear and concise sequence of events that are believable. The only positive aspect of this game is that it isn’t linear.

1/8
-- Bannerlord on 2/20/2017 10:56:37 PM
"reakodnise"
-- MrMustachio on 1/1/2017 11:33:44 PM
HORRIBLE
-- Tangyfriend on 12/16/2016 3:12:39 PM
Just plain stupid. Too random, unfunny, and absolutely terrible, gut wrenching, sickening grammar. 1/8.
-- SonicTurboTurtle on 5/4/2016 8:56:28 PM
Loved the original.
-- Isshyyyji on 10/20/2015 3:02:31 PM
Terrible spelling. And rather dumb idea
-- gamebruh on 5/13/2015 8:25:50 PM
How did a squirrel defeat a man?
-- AthenaT on 4/25/2015 10:04:52 PM
Living Dead Squirrel!
-- jamescoker1226 on 3/31/2015 2:25:11 PM
That was mildly entertaining.
-- jamescoker1226 on 2/15/2015 9:18:18 PM
Mandy is a canible
-- Wolfmist on 12/22/2014 11:54:37 AM
It's quite good. A little weird but go with it. Decent story.
-- Jordi P on 10/14/2014 12:52:03 PM
Again, the idea is great but the grammar is bad and it could of been a lot longer.
-- Madbrad200 on 6/14/2014 9:57:04 AM
It was kind of stupid, and Squirrels don't throw poop but w/e.
-- CovElite on 10/6/2012 6:19:19 PM
I... didn't really like this one. You had to sacrifice Mandy/Mindy and the best ending I get is from killing a squirrel. Not your best work. 4/8
-- ChaiHai on 8/29/2012 3:32:46 AM
short
-- gedet on 7/7/2012 4:42:22 PM
Why is someone cutting down a tree going to shoot a squirrel with a gun?
-- bucket on 9/24/2011 8:13:09 AM
Pretty good.
-- Killer999 on 6/6/2011 8:47:12 AM
approve
-- ThisisBo on 5/11/2011 10:49:33 PM
this one wasn't as fun as the first, plus, you spelled "Mindy" instead of "Mandy". Who was the original woman squirrel. you should fix it.
-- fergie14233 on 11/11/2010 2:04:15 PM
Yeah, like most sequels, it just doesn't really do the first one justice. It was alright though, and I only died twice, so it's not as hard as ExiledPhoenix had me believe. So I guess I make pretty good logical choices... or something like that.
-- Leon101 on 7/8/2008 2:50:14 PM
It didn't have the same magic as the first one. This one had to much blood and death in it. The other one was great because it was so wonderfully innocent in a way. I also thought this one was alittle bit to hard. In the first I managed to finish the game only dieing once, and with a sweet and happy ending. In this one I died alittle to often, and was forced to finish with a less then satisfying ending. Please, if you ever make another game, Make it like more like the first. There aren't enough like that on the site.
-- ExiledPhoenix on 6/14/2007 11:14:55 AM
Like the others said, her name changed, and in the first story Mandy was the wife.
-- PrinceOProvidence on 12/31/2006 3:16:27 PM
Like Seth said, you changed Mandy to Mindy at some point.
-- October on 10/27/2006 10:31:16 AM
Um, Mandy's name changed to Mindy partway through. Also, was "reakodnise" really the closest you could get to "recognize" or was that supposed to be funny?
-- Sethaniel on 10/17/2006 3:18:28 PM
LOL! I exploded. More fun than the first.
-- madglee on 8/8/2006 9:12:41 PM
not as good as teh first.
-- JJJ on 2/17/2006 1:19:41 AM
this game wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either... you should make another one.
-- panuki1 on 2/16/2006 10:20:05 PM
I agree with Havacoman exept the very funny part. And the make another one part.
It wasn't that good, it was an okay game and everyone should enjoy this.
-- Glue5 on 2/5/2006 11:14:10 AM
Funny. Make another one! Make another one!
There are to many ways to die though.
-- havacoman on 1/24/2006 5:08:13 PM
Not bad, I came across a dead end, where i had to die, darn. I think having game overs is great, because it makes it feel more like an adventure game, however...I don't like dead ends.
-- leon101 on 1/23/2006 6:43:02 PM
a bunch of typos and grammatical errors. but still an interesting and refreshingly new story line. (from others on the site).
-- nate on 1/23/2006 3:14:03 PM
Close Window