MrMustachio, The Wordsmith

Member Since

4/9/2015

Last Activity

2/21/2017 9:25 PM

EXP Points

207

Post Count

193

Storygame Count

0

Duel Stats

10 wins / 4 losses

Order

Architect

Commendations

0

Just a mustache-y person.

If you came for some massive manifesto on my life, then you surely must be thinking about some other profile.

Oh yeah, I also make horrible animal stories and just horrible stories in general. Proceed with caution.

Oh, and I like wolves. And dogs. And stuff.

Oh, and...well, just steer clear of me if you don't want to become a tumor.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points

Storygames

War Drums
unpublished
The year is 80 CE, and gladiatoral combat is at its peak in the vast Roman Empire. Only the luckiest and most ferocious warriors will survive to clash another day in the amphitheaters. You play as Bricius, a slave from the conquered province of Gaul, and stepping into the bloody arena may just be your only path to freedom.

Recent Posts

Anyone Want To Be My Co-Author For This Story? on 2/21/2017 2:55:38 PM

Not bad at all, but keep in mind that repetition has to be avoided. For example, you used the phrase "your trainer" five times in a paragraph with four sentences. Switch it up a bit and state his pronoun or maybe his name if possible. I also don't know how the trainer's appearance correlates with him forcing the reader to eat food. You talk about how he's forcing meat into your jaws one moment and then describing his clothes and general appearance in full detail the next. The same also occurs when explaining the protagonist's looks, switching from how he/she dislikes the trainer to, once again, illustrating his/her mien out of the blue. It's confusing and doesn't make sense.

Overall, didn't spot too many errors, and the writing seemed to flow well, so your writing ability isn't too shabby at all. I'm rather interested in becoming your coauthor, so I'll just keep track of this thread and see how your ideas develop. Good luck!


The Cystia Roll of Honour on 2/20/2017 7:52:25 PM
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, being "led" by an Irish drunkard. But okay.

February Flash Fiction Contest Feedback Thread on 2/20/2017 9:03:55 AM
He speaks to the reader, breaking the fourth wall, if you will.

Draw My Attention (New Age of Sage) on 2/19/2017 11:00:36 PM
No point replying to me then, heh.

Draw My Attention (New Age of Sage) on 2/19/2017 10:58:24 PM
I'm not trying to start a flame war, I'm just pointing it out.

Draw My Attention (New Age of Sage) on 2/19/2017 10:53:50 PM
"After receiving at least 10 ratings and being published for at least 3 days, the storygame is rated 2.4 or less. (Though this is flexible if it's particularly bad and still in the 2.5-2.9 range)"

Just Another New Member Passing By on 2/18/2017 9:43:37 PM
Welcome to CYS, I hope you enjoy your time here.

A weird idea on 2/18/2017 7:16:17 PM
It'd definitely work through basic scripting and variables, but you can't just toss in some kind of fictional element without creating a backstory for it. How do you earn/harness ki? Who else can manipulate ki? How was the manipulation of ki discovered, and who managed to piece together how it worked? Keep in mind that you readers don't know how the hell ki functions, even though you know exactly how it works. Incorporate this mana into the story in a way other than its combat scenes.

A weird idea on 2/18/2017 7:12:11 PM
Pretty sure that was chi, but I guess it's the same thing.

Draw My Attention (New Age of Sage) on 2/18/2017 1:27:36 PM

Recommending a comment for deletion

HOW WAS I SUPOSED TO DEFEAT THAT LAST GUY????!!! Great game though :D

-- Chickdove on 12/23/2016 12:45:41 PM with a score of 4

Storygame: Forum Wars

Reasoning: Spammy punctuation and capitalization.