MrMustachio, The Wordsmith
Just a mustache-y person.
If you came for some massive manifesto on my life, then you surely must be thinking about some other profile.
Oh yeah, I also make horrible animal stories and just horrible stories in general. Proceed with caution.
Oh, and I like wolves. And dogs. And stuff.
Oh, and...well, just steer clear of me if you don't want to become a tumor.
Recent PostsAnyone Want To Be My Co-Author For This Story? on 2/21/2017 2:55:38 PM
Not bad at all, but keep in mind that repetition has to be avoided. For example, you used the phrase "your trainer" five times in a paragraph with four sentences. Switch it up a bit and state his pronoun or maybe his name if possible. I also don't know how the trainer's appearance correlates with him forcing the reader to eat food. You talk about how he's forcing meat into your jaws one moment and then describing his clothes and general appearance in full detail the next. The same also occurs when explaining the protagonist's looks, switching from how he/she dislikes the trainer to, once again, illustrating his/her mien out of the blue. It's confusing and doesn't make sense.
Overall, didn't spot too many errors, and the writing seemed to flow well, so your writing ability isn't too shabby at all. I'm rather interested in becoming your coauthor, so I'll just keep track of this thread and see how your ideas develop. Good luck!
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Recommending a comment for deletion
HOW WAS I SUPOSED TO DEFEAT THAT LAST GUY????!!! Great game though :D
-- Chickdove on 12/23/2016 12:45:41 PM with a score of 4
Storygame: Forum Wars
Reasoning: Spammy punctuation and capitalization.