Fluxion, The Contributor

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3/18/2018 12:39 AM

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The Ghost People
This is an entry in the December contest

Writing Prompt: "In 100,000 B.C.E., a boy from a Neanderthal tribe meets a homo sapien girl for the first time, changing the fate of their tribes for all time . . . for better or worse."

A Neanderthal boy is sent on a perilous mission to rescue kidnapped members of his tribe from the clutches of the evil Ghost People, whose magic far surpasses that of his own people.

Some quick info on the setting: It is generally believed that hominids lost their thick fur around 1.2 million years ago or so, give or take. However, for the sake of this story, Homo neanderthalensis will have thicker body hair than Homo sapiens (not bear-thick, but still thicker). There are two reasons I have chosen to do this: (1) They lived in the colder regions. (2) Homo neanderthalensis appears to have had primitive clothing compared to Homo sapiens; basically just fur capes, while Homo sapiens had more advanced stitching and more tightly tailored clothing (which kept them more warm). So I feel having neanderthals a little more hairy than Homo sapiens is a reasonable liberty for me to take in this story.

As for language and technology, both Homo sapiens and Homo neanderthalensis shared almost identical vocal anatomy where it matters. Despite neanderthals not having left behind nearly as much advanced artwork, they very likely had complex language just like Homo sapiens. As for fire technology, for the purpose of this story I am assuming that different hominid tribes were further advanced than others, irrespective of species. The neanderthal tribe the protagonist comes from has yet to master creation of fire.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Wheeler & Brandt LLP

WARNING: There isn't much by way of blatantly graphic sex in this storygame, but there are plenty of deviant erotic situations, including some pretty rapey ones. If such scenarios disturb you, this storygame probably isn't for you.

At its core, this storygame is a tale of a screwed up BDSM relationship, which you cultivate as the ultimate "sub." The goal of this storygame is to get your boss to engage in as many "unprofessional" acts as possible, and to eventually sway him into falling for you, all without getting fired along the way. If you make the right decisions, the game escalates from event to event, bringing you closer and closer to a relationship with your boss. It's pretty linear, and you'll know for certain if you get the "winning" ending. Let's just say it will involve a leash and some public humiliation.

You work in a small law firm, performing both receptionist and data entry roles. Your job is thankless and tedious, but one thing keeps you coming back: your boss, Brandon Wheeler. Aloof and dispassionate, Wheeler exudes a muted but overwhelming power you find irresistible, and you are determined to tame that power, even if it costs you your career.

Recent Posts

Should I read Game of Thrones?? on 3/14/2018 11:39:14 AM
I don't think the writing is amazing, but the world GRRM created is, and all of the point of views are authentic feeling. To be honest I don't think I've read too many things that are so alive and fleshed out.

Romance Contest Winner on 3/14/2018 11:34:15 AM
Lol maybe next time. Still, how many stories end with someone in a court room throwing their panties at an evidence table? XD

Romance Contest Winner on 3/14/2018 11:22:10 AM

Well I'm glad that's over. Congrats to Ebon.

But man, romance is boring. I must have lost interest in my own story about three pages in. This is probably the last time I write something that isn't either sci-fi, fantasy or horror. I just can't get in to these sort of modern stories. Hence why I went full BDSM with mine. It was the only way to hold my interest long enough to finish the story. I probably should have just written a fantasy story that had a romantic relationship in it. Hell, The Ghost People would probably count. Maybe I should have re-entered it ahah.

Grammatical issue with past/present tense on 3/12/2018 4:09:47 PM
Thanks to all for the replies. In any event, I think there are certain exceptions. For example, you could say, "the city has always been a den of thieves," and you wouldn't necessarily be sacrificing the presence of the moment. Just adding, "and it still is today" should solve that problem.

But I'll go with consistency instead of instinct born of reading a bunch of novels written in the limited third person past tense.

Grammatical issue with past/present tense on 3/12/2018 3:21:10 PM
What if it's something that happens now and in the past (and in perpetuity)? E.g., "the city was full of drug dealers" versus "the city is full of drug dealers."

Grammatical issue with past/present tense on 3/12/2018 3:19:58 PM
The Ghost People reference? Lol.

Grammatical issue with past/present tense on 3/12/2018 3:11:19 PM
What if the city still stands? And you're about to enter it? In that case I'm thinking it all has to be present tense, right?

EndMaster’s Romance Story Contest on 3/12/2018 12:18:21 PM
Okay, so far you already got me rolling with "got to explore her dome." Excellent choice of euphemism!

Edit- Okay this is pretty cool. I don't know whether to laugh at or be enthralled with the disturbing content.

Final Edit: Nice work Orange. I gave you a 7 (as described in my comment, I have a bias against poetry which precludes me from giving it an 8). Very entertaining.

Game ideas? on 3/12/2018 12:09:57 PM
Why don't you write a storygame about a kid whose younger brother steals his/her laptop and proceeds to eviscerate his/her online reputation? The quest will be restoring your online rep, and the moral conundrum the protagonist must wrestle with is whether or not (and how) to punish the younger brother. This seems like a topic you'd be rather familiar with, and it's been said by many good writers to always "write what you know."

Grammatical issue with past/present tense on 3/12/2018 12:03:07 PM

Okay, I have no excuse for having this problem (I got a 34 on both the reading and English parts of the ACT despite missing half the reading test while outside trying to de-stress), but for whatever reason, this is vexing the hell out of me.

Here's the issue: most of my game is written in present test, but when describing an ancient city (one that still exists in the story), every instinct in my body is demanding that I use the past tense to describe it and what goes on in it. For example, "[Insert city name] was a bustling metropolis, with a very large underground illegal fighting circuit. Some fought for the money, given the lucrative gambling market, but most were after the prestige of being the best."

No matter how many times I try to write that sort of description of a city in present tense, it ends up sounding stupid to me. I keep reverting to past tense descriptions. So the question for the day is this: is there ever going to be a grammatically consistent and correct situation where the story is written in the present tense, but long-standing institutions such as ancient cities are described in the past tense? I should point out that there is no mixing of tense within paragraphs or sentences.

It may just be that I'm having this problem because nearly every novels is written in the past tense. Maybe that keeps subconsciously creeping into my mind, but I am completely at a loss with this issue. Whatever the cause of my problem, thanks for any help!