enterpride, The Reader

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1/20/2018 10:22 PM

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A jolly old Dutchman who is on an important mission to write his first story.


Flesh of Metal

An up and coming epic tale told about the incarnation of the first sentient artificial intelligence.

Currently writing 800 words a day, I'm already starting to feel sorry for future me doing the editing.

Recent Posts

The Top 5 Storygames by Rating on 1/20/2018 8:46:05 AM

When you click on the name Briar_Rose from the homepage, it seems to just refresh the page. This is the case for using both edge and chrome.

Clicking on any other name on the homepage seems to work fine, as does clicking on her name from her stories.

Where did everyone go? on 1/20/2018 8:26:07 AM

I'd suggest changing your allegiance to the Israeli state then. Their Merkava IV MBT is pretty dope.

Where did everyone go? on 1/19/2018 8:59:25 PM

That the best answer tough. There is simply no arguing against the beautiful and shapely curved turrets of the Soviet tanks. That is until they used the uglier American design during their third generation. 

Where did everyone go? on 1/19/2018 5:59:37 PM

You rock dude!

Can you then please name a few good reasons for communism and enlighten the rest of us? 

Can you tell what branch of communism, or even socialism embodies your beliefs the best?

Can you tell why you would want to live in a communist society:

- during the great class struggle?

- during the dictatorship of the proletariat?

- during the sixth stage of society?

And can you then describe why you then wouldn't be a social democrat or something in that corner?

The start of Flesh of Metal. on 1/18/2018 6:27:23 PM

I have mapped out the main lines of chapter one today. When it's finished I will have 7 main exits out of it and into chapter two.

Chapter one will be where we get to find out what is happening in the strange world we awoke in. Slowly we'll scrape together information from both within ourselves and from others. Now is also the time to choose what we want to do. Some examples are:

  • being forced into a mental hospital
  • enlisting as a private in the army
  • or just being the local thug and climbing life from there.

These lines can intersect, overlap or end in the upcoming chapters. You will, within reason, find yourselves able to move trough the story 'vertically' and 'horizontally'. What is stopping a soldier to use his skills to make a quick buck and a network on the side? The reverse will be harder, as a criminal moving up in the army command chain may bring up heavy resistance. This will hopefully make this story more like a web and less like just a highway to the end. However I want to make this CYOA more like a story than a game. But this will be a problem for down the road.

Yes, it's quite an ambitious first project if I'd look at it entirely. The thing is that I am not forced to finish it in a matter of months. Considering the time med school takes, I wouldn't even be able to. But I'm not one to have several projects running at once. This suddenly becomes more manageable and fun when I just split it in little bits and go from there. It will be fun to see how my writing style changes with more experience.

Also what do you use for this outlining? Do you do something like this at all? Does this project, if properly executed, excite you or just totally bore you? Or do you just want me to shut up and just post with either precise questions or with a story to show?


Puzzlement on 1/17/2018 5:51:24 PM

I usually don't care much about media outcries and the like, but I want to make one thing clear:

A derogatory comment =/=  a discriminatory comment =/= a racist comment. 

I feel the difference in meaning between these adjectives is starting to blur more and more nowadays.

Firstly, discrimination is treating people differently based on certain characteristic. You may just treat dude A better than dude B because his left toenail is longer.  You are now discriminating against people with short left toenails. You may be weird, have an obscure fetish or whatever, but this is not racist or evil. Fuck, you even have something called positive discrimination. Discrimination is not bad on itself, everyone does it. Do you treat a complete random stranger exactly the same you would do your close friends?  No. It's not normal, not natural and often times not even smart to do.

A derogatory comment lacks respect, it is critical and uncomplimentary. Even this is not evil on itself. If one of your mates gets himself pissed in some backway alley, gets his keys lost and you call him out on the complete drunken twat he is, you're being derogatory. You're of course justified in calling a drunken twat, but if you otherwise don't act differently to him you're not being discriminatory or racist. Even when you're the white guy and your mate is black.

Racism, in my book, is simply discrimination based on race. But I have to get my head out of my arse for that one. Years of misuse has changed its meaning to the belief that other races are inferior to your own. Even this is not evil on its own, just watch and compare the skin colour of swimmers and marathon runners. Genetic variation is awesome, it makes different populations on average better or worse in different areas. By the way, note the difference between population and race. The problem is that the current fuckwits are missing the keypoint of averages (and a lot of others points but I don't want to make a iron curtain of text). While all the final swimmers in may be of my glorious white race (or wtf that even means), put any average dude who claims whites are better in swimming against a black athlete and he will lose the race big time.

The single thing that makes those above three words evil, is a difference in power between the actor and victim. Western society is based on equality, and still holds that value alongside freedom in its highest regard. Nowadays our understanding and use of equality has effectively changed to offering equal opportunities for everyone. Which is also bullshit, upbringing, for one instance, plays one of the biggest roles in success. Nevertheless people like the idea. But at the point where the people in power are doing the above three things all aspirations of equality become lost. This makes us, the citizens of western and arguably even modern society, mad. It grinds our gears, makes us gnash our teeth and try to make this wrong right again. Sadly this effect is lately being used to censor opinions who are not even racist, let alone 'evil racist'. This only breeds more resentments and can turn men into actual racists, which holds another meaning entirely.

Alright having cleared that up, Trumps comment was derogatory, probably discriminatory but not racist.

The bigger question is: why do you want, or even let your head of state make derogatory comments to other sovereign countries? 

Alright, have a nice night everyone.

Hello everyone. Another new guy here. on 1/16/2018 2:09:41 PM

Then I will continue to be a good law abiding citizen of these forums. I don't want to associate my good brand with weaponised autism. The others sounds simply like that one weird pedo guy at your local park.

The start of Flesh of Metal. on 1/16/2018 2:04:29 PM

I've finished my prologue! It's almost nothing, the beginning of a start even, but it's my first milestone I've accomplished.

As a thank you to all of the people who decided my basic questions were worth their time, I decided to post my first page here. Enjoy, or not. It's a free internet after all.

Köln, 2023.

It was an eerie feeling.

For so long had he dedicated his entire focus, his entire time, yes even his entire life to this one all-encompassing project. For so long had he put up with the arbitrary limitations set by his peers, the disbelief of even his loved ones and the ridicule of the masses. He had gotten used to the abuse, this had enabled him to thrive. He had accepted that success was simply a rare fruit he would rarely experience. But he had never given up. Indeed, the thought of abandoning this rotten society had crossed his mind multiple times. The response however remained the same. He could not do that, he would endure its hardship only to suck it dry from its resources. He utilised the means he had garnered trough theft, espionage, blackmail and the occasional murder to get ahead, to achieve his one goal. In this moment however, he came to the realization that he too was weak. He too was unfit to inhabit earth.

It wasn't his fault, he at the very least tried. The sacrifices he had made to even reach the beginning of his journey were far too many to count. Life wasn't fair to him. That he realised that at the very ripe age of five. Life was about how you reacted to the sheer shit it threw towards you. But this goal was worth every single sacrifice, every single second of suffering, for nothing could hold a candle to the being in front of him. He and he alone was responsible for this breakthrough of the highest order. He would show them all what they really were. They would be humbled by his brilliance.

It was a feeling of exjubilation, of the most intense gratification he ever felt. He however mentally chastised himself the very moment he came off his own high. "Damnation," he thought, "my dopamine sensors must be working overtime right now." For even in his most emotional and weakest moment would he not succumb to the very thing that continued to prove to be the undoing of mankind. He would not falter at the very end of his life. For he knew rationality was the true pathway to enlightening.
It was finally finished.

He watched as his child was positioned right in the center of this sinister room. His intense gray eyes took in every inch, every curve of the body he so masterfully created over the years. He decided to make its creation look exactly as the most perfect human he could imagine. He had garnered the insights of every study possible about this subject. He had harnessed them and made their conclusions to something greater. He took his time as he overlooked the body one last time before startup. The focus of his eyes slowly moved from the nigh perfect symmetry on its face, to the beautiful, athletic body. The body was meant to strike awe without intimidation, to inspire sympathy without jealousy, to gain a strangers trust in just a blink of the eye. And that it did. It was simply put heavenly. He chastised himself again after that conclusion, heaven was a mere childs dream from a long time ago. 

His mind wandered back the the perfection in front of him. Knowing his own species he had to prioritise aesthetics over efficiency. But he did everything possible within those limitations to give his child the most chance of surviving in this cruel world run by humans. The sensors in its mesmerizing green eyes, while still limited in their cone of vision, were far superior to the biological version. The artificial muscles were far greater in number, stronger and more efficient than any evolutionary process could have created. Although his child would have the same weak spots as any ordinary human, it would be far more durable, nigh indestructible. To blend in it would still need human food and water. Although he had to make this sacrifice to increase its concealment within a human population, far less of it was needed to function at peak efficiency.

"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change." He found that thought deeply unsettling. This was the thought that gave him nightmares every single short night he had since the start of his mission. It had made him drastically change the direction of this project. But this in front of him would be perfectly adapted to the human world, and the one thereafter. 'State of the art' was simply put not enough to describe the work of this genious work, he had left his contemporaries far behind ten years ago.
It would be ready for anything.

His thought train was disrupted by the echoing muffled sounds of some of his test subjects. He looked over to his monitor, saw their panicked eyes and sighed. Yes many sacrifices were needed in order to bring the next step of evolution to this forsaken planet, none had said he should be the only one to make them. Perfection requires a perfect understanding of the matter. To achieve this one must theorise and experiment and he needed everything about his child perfect. These sacks of flesh in front of him were simply expendable pawns of the greater good.
Once he pressed this button the world would change. This made him chuckle, he had always kept a weak spot for theatrics. He gave in and started to count off.

He heard sirens going off in the city. There could be a bombardment inbound any minute. Luckily he lived in a low-danger zone. Still, he had to hurry this moment in order to activate his precautions.
The muffled cries turned into wails of fear now. He mentally noted to revise his skill of stitching afterwards. His current solution simply wasn't working.
He pressed...


  • ...the blue button


Alright, here you have the start of an epic tale. In the prologue you crawl into the mind of your brilliant though hypocritical creator. He is simply a deeply flawed man trying to see everything as clear as possible. He usually spends his day doing his daily menial tasks of bringing a singularity to earth and being a general dick, which of course requires snobbish writing.

But when are we able to play as the supa dupa cewl robot dude?

That's chapter one for ya kid. Stay tuned for the next milestone and fire away any questions, critical feedback, personal attacks and any other random thoughts you may have in the meantime. I'll be glad to read them.

And please be , seriously please be, so kind to point out any critical grammar mistakes. I'm writing this in the late evenings, after I've dealt with a day full of shit to drag down my critical function to drain.

Have a good life. 

Hello everyone. Another new guy here. on 1/15/2018 2:11:54 PM

Thanks for the indepth insights! You've gotten me really curious about that thread. Could you forward it to me whenever you find it?

Hello everyone. Another new guy here. on 1/15/2018 2:09:21 PM

Alright, so as long as stuff keeps happening, you will keep reading. That is a relief :)