Avarga

Avarga made for an enjoyable read what with the interesting premise chosen, but it felt more like a "preview" or trailer to an upcoming storygame rather than a finished short piece. Had it been a polished full game, I'd easily have given it a 7/8 due to the brilliance the writer showed in taking a straightforward prompt about giants, and morphing it into what is shown by incorporating Mongolian history and culture (along with Tengrism).

Reading through the first few passages, it gave off the impression of the basic fantasy lore with a little spin to it was going to be used for the remainder of the story, but color me surprised when I read "Borjigin" in a sentence! That's when I stsrte to piece together the puzzle pieces.

The main character's life is essentially an emulation of the "historical mongol giant" Ghengis Khan, or Temujin Borjigin, the son of Yesuge Borjigin. His relationship with his half-brother and desire to kill him is also derived from Temujin killing one of his half-brothers. I could go on and on about the fascination and expectations I have of this storygame, but I'll close the historical nerdy rambling here.

On to more pressing matters: The branching, grammar and links (choices)

1. Branching

So apparently there are two main brsnches the player could go which is essentially decided from the vbery first choice. Teo different branches, with essentially two different protagonists (names, personality, relationship with the half-brother, story, lifespan).

Now here is where things get interesting, but before that I'll point out that the routes are extremely linear, with only one or two death endings. Now as for the interesting part, the first route ends rsther abruptly after being found abandoned in the middle of nowhere,while the second route, which feels more like the true and winning branch, has a timeskip and ends at the point where the Chosen One has united the divided clans. I wonder if the writer intends on expanding the first route as a revenge route, with MC against his father or half-brother.

2. Grammar

Well, not much to say about the grammar, as there wasn't anything noticeable.

3. Links for choices

Okay, now here I'll have to report a bug on the link for the choice on the "Chosen Route" where MC asks his mother on why she isn't fighting for his father's attention. It doesn't redirect you to the next page, it just loops back to the same page.

Much of what I wanted to say has already been echoed by others, but I'll say my piece.

Definitely well written with well defined atmospheres and moods. At the same time, it's essentially unfinished with clear signs of last-week contest rush. I caught a dead(looping) link close to the beginning.

Nevertheless, what is there is quite entertaining and worth reading. Nice work!

I’m captivated by this Giant culture. I wish this story was longer so I could learn more about them. The journal entries are great. The story ends in a cool place. I’d love to see more of this world!

Not all the branching paths are made equal. The path where you bite is a bit less developed than the alternate route. There also a link that just loops in on itself (“Mother pointedly remains silent” link).

Awesome world-building! I’m eager to see more.

Wasn't terrible but a little too linear.