12/10/2023

4/27/2024 12:17 AM

60

0

27 wins / 27 losses

Sage

Berrybarian

unpublished

Standing in-between the hordes of vegetables, there is one fruit, prophesied in days of old. With boiling juice he scoured the produce section, killing every vegetable in sight, until they all trembled in fear. Those who tasted the bite of his knife named him, the Berrybarian

I wholeheartedly agree I'm dumb, but I wasn't the one who did that. The little asian dude who does variables and scripting for me did that. Same username he uses when he makes a random account on other stuff. Also I am kinda impressed that y'all cared enough to notice they were never in the same room.

Nevermind, that was Chung-Ho. Said he was looking at the forums instead of working on the confusing variable stuff like he was supposed to, and kept seeing mentions of tagging End three times, so he wanted to see what would happen.

What are you on about?

Lorik is a bard who arrived in Frostfall a few years ago. He always wears a dark cloak that hides his face, along with baggy pants and a loose shirt. He carries always carries two weird swords in a sash around his waist, which is strange because he doesn't really do anything but just sit in that corner, lightly strumming his instrument or polishing and sharpening his swords. It has a slightly curved blade that sits in a solid wooden sheathe. The sheathe is worn out, but you can see where it used to have carvings and patterns on it. Its hilt has a circular crossguard, and a worn wooden handle. The second one is similar to the first one, but has no cross guard and is significantly shorter. He also carries an unusual instrument with six metal strings on an hourglass like shape, like a lute but at the same time, not. It's made of a pinkish wood, and is very ornate, with a large painting of a rose on one of the sides and small carvings of flowers and strange symbols you can't read. He himself is fairly friendly, happy to sing and play for anyone who buys him an ale, and is happy to give advice and just listen to people if you catch him alone. He used to have a strange accent, but after a few seasons that fades, and you don't even notice it. Is this any better? And some context, you're just a normal villager, up high in the mountains in a remote town, so you really don't know about much of anything happening in the world besides from the very rare adventurer who ends up in your town.

I'm writing a description for a character, and I wrote two different descriptions. Which one do y'all like better? 1. Lorik is a bard who arrived in Frostfall a few years ago. He always wears a dark green cloak that hides his face, along with baggy black pants and a loose white shirt. He carries a foreign-looking sword and an unusual instrument with six metal strings on an hourglass like shape. Despite his foreboding appearance, he's quite friendly. However, nobody knows where he's from or much about his background, aside from some unreliable tales of his adventures. 2. Lorik is a bard that came around Frostfall a few harvests back. Nobody knows what his face looks like, because he always wears a dark green cloak that obscures their face, and long baggy black pair of pants and a baggy white shirt underneath. He carries a foreign looking sword with him, it rests in a sash he has around his waist. He wears sandals, and he carries a strange instrument also, not a lute like you are used to. It has only six single metal strings, they aren't doubled. It has an almost hourglass shape on the body, and the back is completely flat, not rounded. It has a clear loud sound, and still sounds great. He's super friendly, but nobody knows where he comes from, his origins, or really anything about him, besides from a few stories about his travels that are probably aren't entirely accurate.

Oh, okay. Thanks.

How do you make the first page of a story have a random variable? One of the things I do when I have time (Cleansed was gonna have a secret path but I sadly had to scrap it) is make some paths just up to chance, and one such thing is on the first page.

Was planning on doing both, but examining something near perfect means you only see what you should do, not what you should avoid.

Thanks

It doesn't let me click on any of the links, just plain black text and the blurb.