Shadowdrake27, The Reader
Wow a blank page with the topic of “me.” A normal person would have this full of exciting things about them self. Me? I would rather you read my work and form your own opinion about me. Unfortunately I am a perfectionist with a job and life... so my writing may come out slowly. Therefore, I will call myself a mystery. I act like I am 12, but am at least double that in age. I have been coming to CYOS to read awesome stories for awhile. I am currently using it as a medium to plop down all the stories that have been in my mind with no where to go. Read them at your own discretion, or don’t. I will have fun putting them out there regardless. Feel free to message me with questions, or just to talk, I like both bouncing ideas off people and chatting. I just might not answer right away if I am trapped in the real world at the moment.
This story sets you up as Todd, a master of dark magic in a world that forbids it. Will you become the dark lord that everyone fears? Or will you prove that dark magic can be used for good? More of a story with multiple outcomes than a game. There are no right or wrong answers, although you have the option of getting yourself killed many times and choices matter. I like stories with unintended consequences, comedy, action, and romance so this includes those elements. There should be enough options that you can play to different tastes and styles.
Recent PostsLink Error? on 12/24/2018 12:21:48 PM
I closed all my browser pages and tried again. I am not good with coding so if there is more too it you have lost me. I can visit and edit both pages fine, it is just the link between the two that is bad (they both appear multiple times in my story).
I will look up html tags and let you know if I can figure something out in a bit. Thank you for the help.
Link Error? on 12/24/2018 12:00:04 PM
Update: deleting and remaking the link did not fix this and it kicks out a error code for line 47 claiming the"Input string was not in a correct format."
Link Error? on 12/24/2018 11:56:20 AM
Not sure wat s happening but one of my links in a story game is kicking out an error. It's my profile under inheritance house and it is the link from the "Leaving" to "The First Page" the description says "drive to the cottage."
I am not sure what is happening but it prevents me from playing the game and is used several times. Let me know if more information is helpful, I may delete and remake the link for now.
Finished the first chapter! Need feedback! on 12/10/2018 12:23:44 PM
Will do, I was typing it late at night and lost all of my writing sense!
It was mostly babble.
Finished the first chapter! Need feedback! on 12/10/2018 2:20:26 AM
I wanted to post because I just finished my first chapter of my first story game I am making. I made the (possibly) unfortunate mistake of choosing a very long multiple path story for my first story game. I feel I am up to the challenge, especially since this is a story I have been wanting to write for a long time! Rather, half of it is (I started it as a novel idea and making it a story game intrigued me so I added a second version of the story to let the reader choose between being good or evil). The story is titled Dark Master and I was hoping someone could read the story and give me some feedback on how its going so far! It probably has a lot of grammatical errors, pointing these out will be appreciated, but I am more looking for feedback on the initial storylines. Mostly I want to know if it starts off interesting, and is developing well so far along both storylines. I also want to make sure that both the "good" and "evil" paths are equally entertaining and well done so the story isn't good one way and bad the other. I will start on the second chapter soon, but they will take awhile (every chapter splits the story into two more possible storylines and gets exponentially longer to write... YAY). So I thought this would be a good time for feed back and to fix any problems before they got repeated four times in the next chapter. The story is open for review on my profile, but the link below should also work to take you there.
*Disclaimer- any thoughts or ideas are appreciated and help, but they might not all make it into the story!
What To Do For My First Storygame? on 11/30/2018 4:19:05 PM
I think option three has the most potential (especially since it’s what you want to do) and is unique. I think you mentioned toy story in another thread and that also sounds wonderful. This site gives you a lot of power to take a story in many directions so you can play around with that story adding different story lines as you see fit. For example you can make your story and then add options for the reader to choose what kind of toys your army men are fighting against. Then you can branch out to have a army men vs troll doll, army men vs robots, and army men vs aliens all in one story. Keep in mind that each storyline exponentially increases the amount you have to write, but you get the idea.
Let me know if you end up writing something! Even before it’s done you can share it (or not share it if you want) so I would love to check it out!
Hello on 11/29/2018 9:32:28 AM
Yeah I am already seeing that not having a name makes it tricky. There are a few occasions where I am having to be really creative to get around the main character not having a name. I wanted to have it setup so it was YOU in the story, but maybe I’ll look at naming the main character and letting the ready identify with them like a book. I am a fan of character development so I don’t want any characters to be weak or stagnant. Ideally your choices affect how the main character, and the characters around him develop. That way each unique ending also has unique variations of all the characters. I am not sure I want to do any fancy choose your own name thing in my first story. I am not at expert in using the editor and all the logic yet. I love how easy linking pages is though! This site makes it very easy to write and build choices into your story.
Hello on 11/29/2018 8:35:47 AM
Thank you again! Grammar is a weakness of mine, it always has been. I will look back through today and correct the quotations. I had not read anything out loud or done much proof reading. That comment might save me from having to fix the other 20 or more pages this story is intended to have. I also think that the word “Unconfidently” could just be removed there. It is hard to imagine someone mumbling confidently. I think it is redundant after a second look.
I purposefully left the characters nameless in the prologue because I dislike making/picking names. This will be fixed eventually, but I wanted to move though it quickly to start the story. I also dislike how I reveal the female knights name at the end after calling her “the female knight” so many times. This will also get fixed. I really like the thought of going back and making sure the prologue is told from the teachers perspective! It was sort of detached and that is the best way I can think of of tying it back into the main story! Regrettably I did not think of that myself, but thank you for the suggestion! You have a good eye for proof reading. I am glad you didn’t read it right away, I realized yesterday that I was switching between present and past tense. That was a nightmare when I read it to myself.
Hello on 11/28/2018 1:03:40 PM
Thank you, that is really insightful and helpful advise. I will make sure I tell the story I want to tell and stop worrying about that. I did want anyone to be able to put themselves in my story, but now that you mention it I have read stories about female protagonists and was able to relate and put myself in her shoes even though we are opposite genders... I’ll update the description and keep this in mind!
Hello on 11/28/2018 12:36:41 PM
Thanks for the feedback and the welcome! I appreciate the positive response, I have been nervous since people don’t usually read my writing... I just write for fun. I plan to work on it a little bit every day so hopefully I can keep progressing the story! I might focus on one story line at a time then add choices later though... bouncing around is hard!
The sneak peak was an accident at first, but I kept it thinking if anyone wanted to review it that would only help. I didn’t think anyone actually would until I read about this forum though! If you have thoughts or ideas as I go send them to me! I like bouncing ideas off people! Also let me know if you have any storygames I could check out! I haven’t read a ton on here.
And bad endings just leave a bitter taste in my mouth! Haha! Although I was going to try to make some of the endings dark and some positive in my current story... not all the ending will be happy... I hope to make them well done though...