tmanaking, The Contributor
Hello I am a new author working on my first serious attempt at a game. I prefer a small amount of choices that greatly impact the story instead of many smaller ones. I love this site and there is some amazing stories here. I hope to soon add my contribution to to the middle class of stories here before too long.
This is a story of love, regret and how magic might not be able to fix everything.
This story will have only a handful of choices but each one will carry massive weight.
Recent PostsGods and Aliens on 3/5/2020 4:19:19 PM
I tried to use John to help make the scenes feel bigger. The thought was he's ready to die in vain then gets shown that the gods handle this easily. So in theory he was more for framing then productivity.
Gods and Aliens on 2/27/2020 1:19:50 AM
Hello, so a while back I came across a writing prompt I believe was from Tumblr. The prompt essetinally was " The earth has been invaded by aliens. Humanity is out numbered, out gunned and out of hope. Then one day the old Gods return to save us." For some reason this prompt stuck in my mind so this is my attempt to finally do something about this. Enjoy.
John nervously looked over his gear one last time. Some would say with the alien outpost just over this last ridge it was too late for such things. Normally those naysayers would be correct, however it was more of a calming ritual rather than a tactical choice. John took a deep breath and tried to steady his hands that were shaking nearly uncontrollably. He was so nervous he thought he heard a sound like distant hail impacting metal. John quickly discarded this blaming his nerves for him hearing things.
'Damn it, I'm supposed to be a farmer not some kind of freedom fighter' John thought with a touch of bitterness. Everything had been fine until about three months ago when they had suddenly appeared. No one knew what they were called, or even how to to communicate with them. There were two things widely accepted about their visitors. The first was that they were far better at war then the humans. The other known thing was more terrifying, for some reason they wanted the humans to go the way of the dinosaurs. Collateral damage was strangely kept as low as possible, but even with that the causality rate was severe. Lastest estimates had over thirty percent of humanity already killed.
Taking another deep breath John thought back to his goal one last time. On paper it was simple, deceptively so. John needed to cause as much chaos as possible. This was all in an attempt to buy enough time for the resiestince to complete their retreat.
He had volunteered for this misson without hesitation. The best case in John's mind is that not only does he do a good deed, he soon gets to be reunited with his dear Samantha. Nearly ten years of being happily together was ruined by these enigmatic bastards.
Closing his eyes John saw the same thing he always did, that last look of pure pain and hopelessness on Samantha's face as she begged him to survive. Then the bolt of energy flying in and turning his beloveds head into a gory explosion. Quickly opening his eyes John prepared himself for the task ahead. Ensuring the safety was off on his hunting rifle he started to stand before he heard a soft, melodic voice.
" My child, rest easy the camp is destroyed. You no longer need to go through with this while noble, ultimately useless plan."
In a rush of adrenaline, John spun towards the voice and had his finger resting on the trigger of his weapon. Through the sights he saw a woman, where just a moment before there had been none. The moment he saw her for some strange reason John was overwhelmed by a sense of safety and comfort. The woman spoke once again.
"Relax child, as they say the calvery has arrived." Taking one step forward she came closer to John, while extending her hand out to help him up. The woman continued to speak in a calming tone of voice.
"I have been called many things over the years, but you may know me as Mother Nature, but you can call me Nat."
After taking a moment to readjust John realized something and spoke in a frenzied whisper.
"Lady there is a whole camp of those bastards no more than three hundred feet from here, you need to get to safety right now."
With a light a light chuckle Nat replied, "I thought I already told you that the situation is already taken care of. If you do not believe me just take a look."
Something in the woman's voice convinced him to at least look. Peering over the final ridge John saw the camp. Or at least what remained of it. The site was now impaled by hundreds upon hundreds of razor sharp ice shards. The largest of these was easily twenty feet in length. What really made John nervous was the fact it was late July. It was much too hot for even an ice cube let alone an iceberg worth of frozen death.
With panic dawning once again he slowly looked at the woman, who with that same calming smile began to speak again.
"As I said I am Mother Nature and we have came to help you humans out."
John caught something that piqued his interest, so despite his blooming fear he asked a simple question.
"You said 'we' what do you mean by that?"
In response John received a slight chuckle before Nat spoke again "While some are doing this simply to protect their territory, most of us old Gods are doing it to protect that which we hold dear. But I have a feeling showing is better that telling so here."
With a wave of Nat's hand a small screen seemed to ripple into form in front of John. The scene showed a lone woman with long black hair holding a demonic looking spear with her back to the 'camera'. Over her shoulder John could see dozens of aliens weaving through a deep forest heading towards her.
The woman lifted the spear into a ready postion then roared out a challenge towards the incoming hoard.
"Rejoice for you now face the queen of the land of Shadows, I Scathach will be your opponent!" With this she launched herself towards the incoming threat becoming a whirlwind of death and destruction. One after another the invaders fell by her hand in a vicious one sided decimation. Soon she stood alone among a pile of vanquished foes and John could hear her speaking under her breath. "These fools dare threaten humanity? I will show them a real monster that has surpassed death itself."
As quickly as it had appeared the scene shifted to a stunning view of a valley where a single man in Spartan armor patiently waited as what appeared to be a large force of ground troops headed his way.
After watching for a couple of moments the man shifted effortlessly into a well practiced combat stance. Before he could do anything a second voice cut in drawing his attention.
"Ares, leave this to me you are needed elsewhere." The now identified Ares looked like he wanted to agure but after a moment he gave an ever so slight nod before disappearing. The screen could now see a woman slowly walking forward. The only impression John could get from this woman was 'motherly.'
The woman stopped, the enemy now arranged before her obviously outnumbering her several thousand to one.
Seemingly unfazed, she spoke in a tone that reminded John of when he used to get scolded by his mom.
"My name is Hestia, I have domain of hearth and home and you vile interlopers threaten both. My flame has burned for thousands of years, and while there may eventually come a day it fades today is not that day!"
In the next moment there was a flash of light so bright John had to avert his eyes. When he looked the only thing that remained of the intimidating strike was as a smoking and chared field devoid of any life.
The screen faded fron existence before Nat spoke once again. "Scenes like this are happening all over, as me and my brethren show that us apex predators won't just lie down for an invasive species."
John felt tears welling up in his eyes as one more simple question rose to the front of his weary mind.
"Why now? Why not day one, what took the Gods so long to answer our prayers for salvation?"
John received a sympathetic look from Nat before she once again spoke.
"The veil between the divine and mortal realms have always been hard to traverse through, but in the last five hundred years or so it has become much harder as the mysteriousnes of the world around you humans have dwindled. Fortunately harder does not mean impossible, it took more time than many of us would like but we have arrived now. Since i am here now child, rest. You have earned it. Rest and let those who have watched over humanity since the beginning raise their spears in it's defense one more time."
As Nat finished she waved her hand towards John who immediately began to feel a wave of drowsiness.
With the last of his awarenes John had time for one final thought.
'Maybe just maybe im going to have to reschedule our meeting Samantha.' And with that John slipped into a peaceful sleep for the first time in what felt like ages.
Nat looked down on the sleeping form of John before she turned and started to walk off before she got too far however she stopped and spoke out loud to herself .
" While this has been a nice diverson there is work still left to be done." And with that she disappeared into a warm summer breeze leaving the broken camp and the man who would rebuild behind.
Some Questions for You, as a Reader on 6/23/2018 10:25:16 PM
Yeah, that was a hell of a good point, kinda sad I let the fact people were actually replying blind me to that. I wish you luck and remember to enjoy the ride as well.
Some Questions for You, as a Reader on 6/23/2018 10:09:54 PM
My bad, misinterpreted that, but the friends growing closer is a good one. I am more of a fans of people that hate each being forced together and growing closer. There is a lot you can do with it. Do they genuinely hate each other or are they just on different sides of a conflict and hate the idea of a person more than the actual person. Example is a character hating someone who killed a loved one, An example of the later would be soldiers on different sides of a war. Yes they are trying to kill each other but it's often not personal between them. Hope this helped
Some Questions for You, as a Reader on 6/23/2018 9:56:02 PM
For names, biblical is always a safe bet in this time. The church was a massive part of everyday life. Interesting fact a pope once outlawed cats, and people started killing them off. A little event known as the bubonic plague sorta changed some minds. As for tropes yeah they are a standby for a reason. If done decently they provide a good base to build upon. As long as a story isn't just a tvtropes list with some names it should be fine.
Love and Hate on 6/23/2018 8:58:46 PM
Once again thank you for the feedback. Looking back over yeah I could see the mix up with the arm thing. Again I think just what I was thinking got lost a bit when I put it down. Again your and you're are kicking my ass thanks for pointing that out. With that first part they were walking and talking only, but maybe if I included something about it being lunch maybe it would work better. Though that risks it getting too wordy, I get the confusion with the dialogue, I was aware who was talking and how it flowed but I wrote it so some bias there I'll try to tighten that up. I tried for a bit of humor in this part but I'm glad it fit.
Love and Hate on 6/22/2018 9:13:18 PM
So apparently I hate myself, because I have decided to put a bit more of the story here for review. Now this next part contains two of my greatest weaknesses. That being lots of dialogue and a fight. God, this part was one headache after another. Enjoy and once again any feedback is welcomed.
For what felt like the thousandth time, Tyler had zoned out during his morning classes. He and Sunny were walking towards the cafeteria, while she prattled on about some inane topic.
Suddenly she stopped and and in a low tone spoke up, "We're being followed. Blonde female, blue eyes keep your guard up." Sunny stated with an almost out of character amount of seriousness.
"Don't worry about that I'm sure she'll come start a public scene soon enough." Tyler drawled out in a long suffering fashion. It was Sunny's turn to look at Tyler like he was an idiot.
True to his prediction it is was quiet until the pair had just taken a seat, when suddenly "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT BIMBO!?" a voiced roared out as a figure made its way towards them.
"Who the hell does this bitch think she is?" Grumbled Sunny as she shot the fast approaching female a glare that promised a world of pain. "Sunny I would like you to meet my sister, Lisa." Tyler stated clearly weary.
Sunny instantly calmed down a bit but was still glaring at the now identified Lisa. "Hey fuck face, you finally get a friend and you think your hot shit or something?" Lisa was seemingly oblivious to the very angry looking Sunny.
" I've tried contacting your dumbass, but suddenly you think you too good or some shit?"
Trying to clear the headache that was forming Tyler stated in a defeated tone, "Lisa, please just go away." Sunny was the only one who caught how Tyler's voice broke when he had said please, which only deepened the rage she was feeling at that moment.
"Why? So you can go back to fucking your little two dollar whore? You think this fake ass bitch actually gives a flying fuck about you? News flash she is just some gold digging slu-"
The rest of Lisa's tirade was cut short as Tyler stood up slamming his hands down on the table. He felt a rush of what he thought was adrenaline, yet it felt distant and oddly comforting.
In a cold commanding tone Tyler spoke never once breaking eye contact. " You can make fun of me all you want, but you will not talk about Sunny that way. DO I MAKE MY SELF CLEAR? " Tyler's voice never rose but the underlaying threat was not lost on anyone who had heard his statement.
After being taken aback for a moment, Lisa's face shifted into a mask of rage and hatred. " Oh, look who finally grew a fucking pair." Lisa retorted. Cocking her arm back Lisa threw a wild haymaker at Tyler intending to put him in his place.
The impact never came as in the next instant Sunny was standing while holding Lisa by the wrist. Sunny spoke, her voice a rage filled growl.
"Oh no, you fucking don't. I tried being nice since your his sister but no one touches my man, you lipstick lesbian bitch!" Pulling on the arm she was holding Sunny threw a punch that connected with Lisa as she was dragged forward into it.
Lisa instantly dropped like a puppet with all of its strings cut. "Damn, she rocked your world harder then any toy ever has." Tyler said to the clearly unresponsive Lisa.
Through the haze of her rage Sunny noticed something, that was the first time she had heard anything even resembling happiness in Tyler's voice. That quickly calmed her out of her rage as she began to worry.
Love and Hate on 6/22/2018 5:19:13 PM
Thank you, I hope it turns out interesting.
Love and Hate on 6/22/2018 5:18:36 PM
Thank you for the great feedback. I admit I struggle with the less is more thing, especially with how wordy the sentences can get. The spelling was a mistake, same with the period. And thanks for the point about the cigarette. It's actually supposed to be Sunny driving but i might want to clear that up better. I hadn't even thought about how that might've gotten lost in transition from my mind to the paper. It was good though to hear that the dialogue wasn't complete trash. I struggle with making it sound natural at all, usually it is forced beyond belief.
Love and Hate on 6/21/2018 11:00:39 PM
Actually, the story is more about how making seemingly small choices can have an effect on our personalities which has an impact on relationships. How small choices could also lead to us not "Being at at the right place at the right time" for whatever grand plan there might have been. There will be a small touch of magic, but my hope is for this to be a more character driven story. What choices did they make to become who they are now. More importantly how do these choices impact how they interact with others. Is it possible that one poor choice could have enough of an impact that someone you would normally love you hate them instead and vice-versa. As for the word count not enough.