Song of Nothing
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played 46 times (finished 7)
"no possible way to lose"
"Not going to lose any sleep"
"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.
Nothing doesn't exist, but still he helps others and resists fate.
This was an interesting story. It gave me the impression that you wanted to create something similar to your previous ballad. There's a lot of emotion and evocative imagery conjured up within the words of your story, and the ballad format certainly sets it apart from the other entries of the contest.
However, I have to say that this is sorely lacking. I clicked through something like 15 pages, and was prompted for a decision...twice. Each time, it didn't seem to affect the ending. Maybe I'm missing something, but it seemed rather linear in that respect.
I can't help thinking that that might have been the intention however - hence being called Song of Nothing. I'm probably looking too deeply into it.
The atmosphere of the poem was absolutely beautiful, especially towards the end. Ironically, the main strength of this work - the ballad format - also acts as a weakness.
The rhyming feels very forced at times, there isn't sufficient wording to describe the kind of scenes that might be expected from a hero-themed story, and it's rather limited as to what you can do. That's not your fault, however. Rather, it's more of a feature from the writing style that you've chosen.
All in all, this was a short but memorable poem which was lacking in many areas. More choices, substantial content and branching would improve on this.
on 10/13/2017 9:50:27 AM
There's an inconsistency where the game tells me "I used the power I used on Helias' folks" even though I had stayed with Helios rather than gone after his folks.
on 10/11/2017 5:13:37 PM
I gave this story a 4/8. It's a good concept, and very experimental, which is always welcomed in my eyes. Unfortunately, I brought myself to keep re-reading pages over again because I lost the core concept (oh, yeah, there's an infinite loop stuck around in there somewhere.)
It also barely felt like a ChooseYourStory, with the lack of choices, but I could understand the time restraints. The writing was good, but the style is very hit or miss, either you like it don't.
on 9/22/2017 8:37:20 AM
Very interesting. Your writing is wonderful, and I really dig the poetic style you used. However, it gets tiring to read, so I feel you should have mixed it with more traditional writing. I also wish there would have been a some more choices to make.
on 9/21/2017 8:32:46 PM
Really loved your writing style, and this really touched my heart. It was short, sweet and simple.
on 9/20/2017 11:06:27 PM
I liked the general idea of writing a story using a somewhat poetic form, but I thought the execution could have been better. I for example personally would have liked it better if there was a bit more continuity in terms of the form you used, as the writing didn't always flow well.
Also [spoiler alert] one of the 'jump back in time' links just caused an infinite loop of repeating the same page for me.
All in all, I liked the story you were telling, and the non-standard way you told it in, but the flow of your writing felt a bit lacking at times.
on 9/17/2017 4:46:59 PM
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