A Prayer for Destruction

I’ll start with a disclaimer: take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer nor a seasoned reviewer (yet). To those of you who haven’t read the story, I will mention a few spoilers so do yourselves a favor and read it before this review.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The description is strong and succinct. Right away, I can tell the story will incorporate compelling worldbuilding elements, interwoven with themes of religion and war. As for the starting quote, it sets the tone really nicely. The all-caps was slightly jarring, but it worked to convey the context, which matched the message delivered.

I love the parallels to Catholicism. This might be a bit of a tangent, especially to readers of this review who don’t know much about the religion, but I like how there are just the right amount of allusions for it to feel unique and distinct, yet recognisable. The ‘Necessary One’ was a nice touch, showing the significance of God to the people in this world. There were references to being made in God’s image and likeness, and his thoughts transcending human understanding.

Pacing is great here. There is enough information revealed to immerse the reader in the setting without overwhelming them, while keeping some things unknown. Details of the worldbuilding are sprinkled in nicely, such as hinting at the governance and political system, the way power is maintained, and the factions that exist. The sword only being effective in the hands of one trained by their kind is a cool detail. There are also a few hints at moral superiority and believing their way is the ‘right way’, such as the sword’s inscriptions of forgiving sinners. I wonder if this foreshadows the future conflict.

Strong sense of character is conveyed throughout the narration: the protagonist is devoutly religious. Not sure if it was meant as humor, but I laughed at the horse being named ‘Dirt’. After reading about the serious religious customs, and the noble lineage of the horse, that name was the last thing I expected lol.

I’m probably nitpicking, but quite a few sentences begin with ‘you’. I didn’t realize it at first, and it wasn’t disrupting immersion too much, except for that one paragraph where the same structure is used three times in a row. Also, I think it’s ‘brisk’ trot, not ‘brisque’ (had to do a quick search to confirm it wasn’t the american english spelling).

There was a paragraph which might have been a bit of an infodump, but honestly, I didn’t mind. It was done well and introduced as being relevant to the situation—the protagonist was recounting important facts before he entered the city—and I enjoyed learning about this fascinating setting. It feels like a high fantasy version of the Old Testament with its warring nations, false gods, etc.

The last paragraph of the first page summarized the protagonist’s mission of the story. It describes the situation, the stakes, and enemies whose morals are in direct contrast with the protagonist’s (potential character foils?). But it also hints at the fact that not everything may be as it seems.

WORLDBUILDING

The worldbuilding was incredible in this story. Lots of care seems to have been put into crafting the setting, from the city structured by three rings to the individual locations. When reading some stories, it feels like the setting is very confined, made solely for the purpose of furthering the plot/ the main character’s interaction with the world. This is very much the opposite. The world feels real and lived-in, with mentions of other cities and their cultures.

The description seemed almost cinematic: for the part where the protagonist approaches the northern gate, it was like watching the story unfold from a wide-angle view, then the camera zoomed into the twin towers, stretching to the sky, panning to the skyway and crossbowmen. Every place—the mutated quarter, the great hall, the laughing goat’s chamber—had unique descriptions with its inhabitants reflecting the location. Lots of subtle details enrich the world, too: the Family Above Reproach signaling the extreme power given to royalty, the maxims which may be used to encourage groupthink, and the idea that magic is something which can be sensed, leaving traces behind, whether through a scent or a feeling.

Another interesting worldbuilding detail is the inscriptions on the swords, where the protagonist—one called to war—has a saying about forgiveness for the sinners he will slay, and the grandmaster’s is ‘all things beneath the law’, perhaps a reminder of his servitude despite his standing. Though maybe I’m overthinking, but it slightly contradicts the part where the monarchy is viewed as the ‘family above reproach’.

PLOT & CHARACTER

There is a good amount of branching in this storygame. I won’t spoil too much, but depending on the choices that are made, the protagonist’s character arc can move in completely different directions—from the highest title of Grandmaster in his order, to borderline heresy. The best part? Most of it is realistic and within character.

While there did not seem to be much internal conflict in some paths, for a story of this size, characterization was sufficient. I liked the brutal nature of the protagonist, and the way death was something brushed aside casually (e.g. “You chop a man in half” and “you do not mourn your casualties”). They were just numbers to him. Then at the same time, we had the contrasting characterisation of him caring for his horse, Dirt, and paying the stable boy out of pity. This makes him appear more multidimensional.

In one of the paths, there was a five year old in the order who killed several people. I did a double take haha. The juxtaposition of the phrase ‘purity of his hate’ was something I found refreshing; most religions tend to focus heavily on love, whereas this one was driven by hate—of the mutants, the non-humans, and those who sympathized with them.

My favorite path was the one where he eventually committed a ‘crime’ by letting the elf live. I enjoyed the character development. At first, the protagonist was reluctant to work with her, though he recognised the loophole in the law and how it might be for the greater good. The character dynamics of them insulting each other was fun to read about. We knew the protagonist viewed all mutants as ‘monsters’ and ‘subhumans’, and some people (like the knight who tried to defend one of them) believed they were innocents. Then the elf started calling the protagonist ‘monster’ as he did, and ‘great beast’, thus beginning the uneasy alliance. There was also a part which hinted at his backstory and how an elf was the reason behind his broken nose (I would have liked to hear more about that, as it was described as the only distinguishing feature from the rest of his order, though I recognise there was the time-restraints of the contest). Yet, the protagonist eventually learnt from working with her that perhaps not all mutants had to be killed off and had the choice to spare her in the end. The battle with the Laughing Goat was quite impressively written, involving combat both physically and mentally. In the end, the elf acted honorably too, further reinforcing this theme; he refers to her by her name that last time instead of an insult. And he smiles at his heresy (btw ‘embarrassing’ is spelt wrongly, but it’s embarrassing how I only caught it on my second readthrough).

If I were to give some feedback, some paths were a bit abrupt, e.g. the one where you accept the position of Grandmaster. The previous page seems to foreshadow that it might not be the best decision, as something nags at you, but then in the next page, the only slight negative consequence is that it will be a while before you get back to killing. I was expecting more of a repercussion like the elves interfering with your reign, or maybe less satisfaction with the role (since in the other path, the protagonist’s true calling was to exterminate the evil species and kill for the Necessary One). Though I do suppose it might be due to contest constraints and it was intended to be a longer path.

NARRATIVE STYLE

Reading this story was a great experience. There were lots of beautifully written lines, but at the same time, there were some I found quite humorous, like: “You are received with a grandeur befitting your station. You take no notice of it, as befits your station.”

At times, death was described in such a matter-of-fact way: “The survivors are prostate and begging for mercy which they know will not come. You sentence them all to death.” Yet, it was contrasted with some really in-depth descriptions, especially for locations, drawing out the pacing. Action scenes were tense, with vivid descriptions of violence, adding to immersion.

I like the line “You leave the city of Edelrach politically headless”. Nice pun.

Another worthy mention: “He took a vow of silence after the ordeal; presumably because they took his tongue.” Both of these serve to add a touch of humour while preserving the grim, violent atmosphere of the world.

Since this section seems like I’m just compiling quotes to compliment, I’ll add a slight nitpick: maybe a bit of extra proofreading would help, as there were often extra spaces between words, and once even a word being split in half and continued on another paragraph. Still, I’d chalk that up to contest time pressures. The writing is very polished in terms of prose, with few grammatical and spelling errors.

One of my favorite descriptions is a scene during the fight, where the protagonist somehow overcomes death and being burnt alive: “You are in a sea of fire being unmade, inch by inch. You see beyond the fire. You see a vast blackness, and beyond it, shimmering light; a great curtain of whitest white. The curtain has ten thousand blinking eyeballs; the attention of just one of them has set you aflame. You scream, exalted.” Something about it just feels so otherworldly and encapsulates an abstract experience really well.

TL;DR

I recommend this storygame to everyone reading this review. It was highly entertaining and I can see how it nearly won a contest.

Liking Malk, as I do, I am naturally predisposed to like this story. But it's authentically good story in spite of that. It does something pretty interesting that stories with only a few choices before the end don't always do, and it was striking.

Essentially, the major choices pose a question between righteous holy blood-spurting fury and restraint, where restraint allows more narrative but pushes off the purging. And that makes an interesting balance between wanting the visceral combat (which Malk is just really good at writing) and holding back to see how long it can be put off. And the answer is, not very long, because it's not a super long story, but it works. This is a moderate-length story with a handful of choices done right, because the choices you don't take nag at you just the way they might nag at a man gripping the hilt of his sword tightly out of restraint, white-knuckling his way through a conversation when he'd rather be hacking.

Malk's got colon use down. Listen to these:
"She whinnies, as if to say: obviously."
"These are bold claims: the truth of them is yours to determine."

Those hit a tight rhythm in the narrative. And Malk's dialogue is well done too, pretty witty and to the point.

Do I have a critique? Yes. It's semicolons. It's a small thing, but it's not a pedantic thing. Semicolons connect two complete sentences. Unlike the below, where I don't know what they are doing:

"The bounty of the realm is offered by demure serving girls; olives and grapes, a cup of wine, iced rose-water."
"Beyond it, your mind's eye travels to the King’s Heart; the mighty twin cities of Caerbagh and Thanur, and the legions of serfs who toil around them."
"Finally, you think of the monastery you call home; a place with no name, closer to a fortress than a temple, with scriptorium-spires that cut through the heavens, and training-dungeons nestled deep in the Earth."

Those are just a few I grabbed at random. I think those want to be colons or a whole new sentence. The rhythm of those sentences are not working because of it.

My other micro-level comment is adjective related. I should have grabbed some examples, but there are times when the adjectives are leaned on a bit more than you want--they do too much of the lifting of the description when I wanted more nouns, more *stuff* rather than an adjective appended to everything. It's just a small point, but probably one thing to keep an eye on.

Overall, I read it straight through like four times, and I loved each path. Then I reread my favorite moments of battle and enjoyed the little sensory details you put in here--the goose-flesh, the red eyes, the forehead in the dirt, and so on. Another banger from Malk.

King James Version for the start. Very nice. Nice setup and intro to the story. There’s enough information, but not too much. The scene is painted quite nicely. The second page does more of the same. I like the fact that there is information provided, but also through the eyes of the main character. There’s enough detail, but not too much. The imagery continues, and the dialogue is short and quick. Sure, there’s some graphic deaths, but nothing really graphic or unreasonable.

However, while well-written, there is not a great deal of substance here. Guy goes to town, kills some people, kills the lord, move on. Well, that’s if you take the first path that I found. Reading it again, I can see there is a bit more if I don’t start just hacking and slashing (but why wouldn’t I?). There were quite a few different endings which came as quite a surprise based on how the story started out! I did enjoy it quite a bit, thank you for sharing with the site.

Fantastic Story!

I really enjoyed reading this. It is very well written and the pacing of the narrative is just right. I liked how the action sequences do not drag on with useless details but keeps the story moving forward. The lore and background is introduced in a very organic manner instead of some sort of info dump. And though at a glance it may seem that there is not a huge amount of choices, they are placed at strategic points to change the direction of the narrative.

The development of the characters is well done, both with the main and supporting characters. They seem to have just the right amount of detail to cause you to want to learn more about them.

I would love to experience more adventure with this world and its characters, and even the Faceless Knights.

Overall, definitely recommend. Thanks Malk.

I loved the worldbuilding and the way in which the battle against the Laughing Goat played out.

The most POWERFUL story I've read in a while. Unapologetically brutal, satisfying, and above all righteous. My only complaint is that it wasn't longer.

A dark, atmospheric tale. I like the choices and the blending of über-dark, malicious Catholicism versus an ancient magical world. I love how the action is described and the characters we encounter are well-varied.

I was happy to discover an ending where the protagonist goes through personal growth sees the world differently from how he's been indoctrinated.

Not a bad story, but the choices being all caps was rather dissonant with the rest of the story.