Player Comments on Star Wars: A Padawan's Journey Part 7: Menace

I usually don't care for fan-fics, but I really enjoy this series; probably because it only takes the basic premise of the Star Wars and runs with it instead of slapping a Mary Sue in next to Darth Vadar. My only complaints are about a few minor typos like "were" instead of "we're" and "to" in place of "too". I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

This was rather linear and the writing needs some fixing up, but it wasn't a bad story. I liked the mood you set but I think you need to revise and rewrite certain parts. Your characters all sound the same, you should try giving each one a specific voice.

I got a little excited when I read that this was the story where you describe what it is you use to replace the ideology of the Jedi and the Sith. I must say, I'm a little disappointed. Not because you didn't use the codes or the idea behind the factions, I never had a problem with that, but because I didn't feel you didmit efficiently enough. When the essence of something so critical is replaced, the replacement has to fulfil and explain everything the original did, and I don't feel you accomplished that in enough cases. You see, you retained a lot of the things caused by those ideologies, but without the ideologies to cause them, they were there fo no reason.

Ever since I've started reading this series, I've been left on the edge of my seat. The author knows when to leave it at the best part. I think they should actually try writing writing books,and if anyone wants to do this as well, there's a good website. Go to www.wattpad.com

Nice

I liked this story, and that's... rare. It's a fanfic, and don't get me wrong, I love fanfics, but only about subjects I am deeply into or about circumstances (or couples, if it's romance related) that I really find interesting.

Star Wars is not one of them. I did not expect to remotely find this game interesting. But I did. You got me to slow down and actually read it, and that's good...

... And then I saw the reveal of X2 and you lost me. I liked the "fire forged friends" vibe you had going, the "bromance" (no homo). It's nice, every once in a while, to just see two dudes learn mutual respect for each other.

*headdesk* You wanna know why you lost me? Because, yeah, I like romance, but if it develops into that, it's going to feel like a bit of a cop-out. And second, because you just broke my suspension of disbelief.

I can buy that I wouldn't know because of the voice change, I can buy that not having an identity of their own makes handlers ambiguous... but I saw the picture. Come on, man. Look! Look at the gaddamn armor and you tell me, with a straight face, that that's how how all handler armor looks and gender makes no difference.

It. Has. Boobs. You really think no one would ever question it? I call bullshit.

pretty good, decent enough

I'm not an expert on writing but I love this series. I hope you keep posting more stories for this series and make future ones that are just as good.

U got finish the next one soon I'm so hooked onto he story

This story is getting good! Continue please!

One of The Best storygames I Played on Chooseyourstory.
When the 8th Will come out?

Next oneeeeee now please, a real in depth enjoyable story and series as a whole.

I am impressed with the whole series and Am really looking forward to the next installments.

This series is awesome and it actually did bring me enlightenment. lol

i love what you've done with this serious great story

Make the next one longer and more on the relationships between the protagonist & the other characters.

sequel now now now plz plz plz!!!!

can't wait for part 8

I've read all these so far and I can't wait for the next one.

loved it, as usual, but it was a bit of a letdown due to the significant lack of action

You should probably spell check before you publish. Other than that, I didn't have any problems with it.

If your stories were chocolate i'd weigh a ton by now. This series is in one word "Addicting". I love the cliff hangers and little twists along the way coupled with great foreshadowing. Only problem i have is that I cant wait for the next one :)

this story gets better and better XD

Great work, best one so far.

Just as good as the others

Great story! I can't wait for Part 8!

great addition, looking forward to the rest of the story

Nice! Another one! ...halfway point? So there's an ending point?...
A few things:
1. Suit is spelled, well, suit, not suite (which is a sort of a fancy hotel).
2. There are a few grammar issues. For example, use a comma when someone speaks. (Player said, "Hello." "Hello," player said. "The dog," player said, "is full." Oh, and good job switching from the colons, by the way).
3. You changed the tense a few times; the main tense is present tense, but it changes to the past tense (when it's not supposed to, I mean).
4. There was not much fighting in this one. I mean, if you make certain choices there is fighting, but there should be more action in the mainstream story. The only exception I can think of is if you make right choices to avoid a fight, and this should only be used very seldom.

Overall, this chapter was quite good, though not as good as the last 2.

Well Done. An amazing saga so far =)