War Of The Worlds
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played times (finished )
"wandering through the desert"
"A well spent lunch break"
"choking hazard for children under 4"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 6. To compare to the movie rating system, this would be G.
A Martian invasion based on the book "The War Of The Worlds" by H. G. Wells.
I can see you did put some effort into this, but I wish you'd taken the time to proof read and polish it more before publishing. There's a link to something called the Grammarly Handbook in my profile, you should check it out and especially read up on how dialogue is formatted and punctuated. (Just looking at examples in most books will also help.)
Aside from that, there are grammatical issues, or sentences just phrased short of awkwardly. 'The next thing you know is that everybody is rushing from their houses into the forest.' would read more smoothly as 'The next thing you know, everyone is rushing from their houses into the forest.'
(A general rule of writing is that you want to trim out unnecessary words and clutter as much as you can.)
I'm not sure why the loud BOOM didn't wake up the wife, or why she was airways portrayed so, uh, retardedly, but whatever.
Later in the story you stopped using paragraph breaks altogether and since reading text walls on my phone is not fun I basically started skimming at that point.
But I'm guessing this is for a school project or something, and if so it's a lot better, longer and with more choices and effort put in then what we get from most younger writers. I think you have a lot of potential so keep reading, writing and practicing.
on 6/17/2017 7:03:49 AM with a score of 0
don't worry bout it
on 6/16/2017 2:50:08 PM with a score of 0
You'd probably want to fix the spelling and grammar errors. This story also belongs in the FanFiction category.
on 6/15/2017 10:58:12 PM with a score of 0
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