Player Comments on Zombies Ate My Face!
I’m not sure that I liked the result of posting my video on YouTube! That should always be a good thing, right? But at least you gave me a choice to start over. I did like that there were choices to start things out on the first page, but after a few clicks I realized there were not actually choices. One was death and the other two choices took me to exactly the same change. Was there any effect on the story? I think it can be okay if two choices take you the same place, but there should be an effect. For example, if the option chosen was “run,” then maybe when you get to the next place you are tired and can’t choose to lift something heavy. Or if the choice was “scream,” then maybe at the next place, someone refuses to help you in some way.
I did like that the various choices in the school led to different place and different things. It would be nice if the items that were found around the school had images instead of that sack default image. There did seem to be an awful lot of items in this story. I didn’t find a use for all of them, but that’s fine, it just seems like a lot of extra things to be carrying around if they’re not part of the story. I did like the apparently different ways you could go and be and the different endings. Of course it looks like pretty much all but one ended up with you dead, but it is a zombie story, so I’m not sure what other endings would make sense.
This was a decent storygame that could be expanded with more descriptions and more effective options in a few different places. Thank you for sharing it with us.
on 5/18/2018 1:16:34 PM with a score of 0
Zombies ate my face
Well maybe they ate your writing ability as well, cause you definitely have one.
So where to begin, where to begin. Character development, the most important part to the story itself, and the reader. First impressions were definetly stale
“You are standing outside the school with your friend, Malcolm. By the way, your name is Tristan”. How you introduced our protagonist’s name was very, how do I say this, bad.
If you instead said “You and your friend Malcom are just standing outside school, chatting about stuff normal teenagers chat about, when you hear a distant groaning”
The best way I would say to introduce his name is indirectly “I think there zombies Tristan...” utters Malcom.
Then have your choice to either run, scream or take a video.
I also noticed the bad semi-joke at the start, now I’m not saying humour is bad, I mean i’ve seen some story games with humour that completely cracks me up.
I’m not sure if it was meant as a joke, i’ll just say a stab at humour. It’s about at the start of the game, quick and easy version to make it well, quicker.
Your doing something with Malcom you see the zombies and Malcom’s runs because apparently his head isn’t filled with gifs and some other stuff, indirectly pointing to you as the idiot.
I’m not the best comedian myself, but I only have two opinions for that. Improve it or just plain delete it. I just find it, I want to say cringy but saying that means I’m basically stooping down to your level of the stupid things of this generation.(Which I may happen to be in)
It just makes your work seem like it’s written by a 12 year old with a need to impress his friends while force writing. Which I hope doesn’t fit your description.
If we could figure out his interests, his backstory.(Backstories are always fun to write) We do see his feelings for Alexa though, which is a plus due to the inclusion of it.
The second thing is how many items they were. Half of them were bloody useless, and just there to take space, and at the best times it would be to use that gun from the security department, it just didn’t work.
There were also times that just rushed you through and got you dead if you didn’t have the right item. Which i can condone since that’s actually a good idea.
It was weird to find going to the office was a pure death trap since the teachers didn’t believe there were zombies.(Teachers to lazy to even look outside)
While the Gym Teacher(s) didn’t give to damns that there zombies and just blocked the door. Much more reliable in a zombie apocalypse. The choices were a bit mediocre, save for the part at the start.
Where there was a choice to record the whole thing, which wouldn’t actually be bad save you were a few metres away and not dumb enough to be close. Since zombies are pretty slow.
Though Tristan failed to realise that. Say, after his name being confirmed as Tristan at the start there really isn’t any other time we hear it. I actually forgot his name on my first run of this story. If you included little snippets of his name it would be much better and I wouldn’t keep forgetting bits and pieces.
Your writings is definetly over mediocre, and we can see that unlike some people *ahem me* you took the time to finish this story game. If you did a bit of editing and maybe took some of the obvious advice, this game could definetly much better.
I also want to emphasises how they obvious places to use a gun were close to none, or a baseball bat, tazer, so on and so forth. Item use is key for a over mediocre story.
I feel potential is definetly there due to the seeming numerous paths
on 4/20/2018 9:00:09 PM with a score of 0
Pretty Good. It was very fast paced and quick although it was rather lacking in details and there were a few unreal scenes (Like surviving in a school gym for several days). Other than that not bad. :D
-- MeetaCheeta on 7/13/2019 10:29:42 AM with a score of 0
Good Endng People
on 3/11/2019 3:18:40 PM with a score of 0
Lack of detail; write more in the future on each page.
on 5/8/2018 10:12:19 PM with a score of 0
There wasn't a whole lot of detail, it was more of a quick run through of the apocalypse. It wasn't bad the writing was good, and there is a lot of potential. I feel that if you ever wanted to take the time you could write a long, and very good story. The main thing missing here is details, and emotional attachment. There isn't a whole lot of information of what is happening, and my character is getting close to other characters, but I'm not as a player. My favorite part though had to be that I could record the apocalypse and put it on YouTube at the start, that made me laugh even though I died.
on 4/30/2018 5:46:48 AM with a score of 0
Not bad. It would be a lot better with some character and relationship development. It would also be interesting if you added some more info around the helicopter pad. Both endings seemed a little rushed and too fast. Overall, it's not bad, but it could use a few improvements.
on 4/19/2018 1:53:59 PM with a score of 0
To add to my message.
The whole Operation Spawn thing seems like a weird way of cramming a relationship into the story.
Also, for future stories, consider showing character development and growing relationships between characters. For example, less than three pages than introducing Alexa, you just say "in the past two days the two of you have gotten VERY close".
There's so much you could have done developing relationships between characters.
I did like the amount of choices you gave the reader once leaving the school though. It seemed weird how one abruptly ended with getting blown up without the gasoline, but if you get the gasoline then some soldiers take you away without you needing said gasoline.
It also seemed like you kind of rushed the end. The story could have been more substantial if you added more to the developing characters and relationships, and fleshed out their adventures getting to, and living in the safe zone more.
There might be more to say about this, but those are just some things to think about for now. Hope you keep writing.
on 4/18/2018 8:56:46 PM with a score of 0