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Welcome aboard. It would be much appreciated if you focused more on your spelling and grammar. This is a writing site and it's difficult to succeed if you don't proofread.

It doesn't need to be perfect but there were at least twelve errors in those two posts. Remember to add a space after all punctuation, capitalize the word "I", end sentences in either a period, questionmark or exclamationmark and never double-layer the said three sentence-enders. Really focus on those things to make your writing legible at least.

Stories can never be immersive when we are constantly concentrating on your punctuation.

Welcome to CYS. JJJ has already covered everything I was going to point out, so I don't see the need to say it again. If you want an example though, check out Clover Seven. I wish I had proof read that better the first time. Even with my re-release of it, it still has quite a few issues. So read and re-read your stories, and remember that good stories aren't wrote in a day.