urnam0, The Apprentice Scrivener
My favorite online CYOA games are The Paradox Factor, Ground Zero, Necromancer, and The Devil's Fire.
"I bring... death! How dare you try and give me life?"
Author's note: the title of this story is actually The Fire, but someone else already created a storygame with that title, so I couldn't give it the title that I wanted. My second choice for the title was The Light, but another person already took that title as well, so, if you don't mind, just pretend that the title of this story is The Fire.
A story set in medieval China.
Note: Even early on in the game you can lose by making a strategically erroneous choice so choose carefully.
My interpretation of one of my favorite TV shows from childhood: Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? This work is primarily based on the TV game show version rather than the computer game, book, or cartoon versions.
Author's note: Please do not cheat by using the Back button- just remember to Save the game every time you're promoted and Restore if you happen to lose.
P.S. See if you can find all the Easter Eggs!
Recent PostsHello! on 5/1/2022 6:50:41 PM
Post an excerpt from your novel.
How old are you now?
Red Storm Rising! on 3/13/2022 11:04:34 AM
Any Recommendations? on 3/9/2022 6:53:35 AM
My favorite stories as listed in my profile.
Begging for Life on 1/25/2022 6:04:29 AM
What the fuck happened?
Help. (Some dance thing) on 12/23/2021 7:12:49 AM
Cutenimegurl is tying to get the site banned on 12/13/2021 2:02:16 PM
We've been backtraced.
Cupcakitty's Contest Motivation Thread on 12/5/2021 12:23:29 AM
I really like the "ethically diverse" bit and enjoyed reading the first scene- it would have made for a great short story, too. My only suggestions are to italicize "ethnically" to emphasize it and single quotation marks around "I wanted to make the workplace more ethnically diverse" for the quote within a quote. Hope you finish the story!
Bracketed Dueling #2 on 11/23/2021 8:07:18 AM
I vote for Story #2. The prose was much better, though I feel like the ending was rushed, like the writer just ran out of ideas or time. Lines like "'It feels like forever since you’ve had time off work,' she rubs his palm with her thumb," "She stood, staring in awe. It was perfect," and "Linda let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding" were the most elegant sentences I read this whole contest. Story #2 had the best balance of word economy and descriptive details. Story #1 did the best job of making me care about the protagonist, but it didn't have anything resembling a smart villain as per the instructions that I could tell, some sentences were overwritten ("A child thought so strong turns into a toddler within an almost unnatural instant" and "His ears are filled with the sound of air, and his eyes focus in the dark" are examples of lots of words that say little), there were times during the fight scene when it was confusing as to who your pronouns were referring to ("he" was used multiple times not to refer to the last male character mentioned, but rather the other one), and there were some jarring transitions from third-person limited to a more omniscient POV.
Bracketed Dueling #1 on 11/23/2021 2:02:18 AM
Also, if Sean's cabin is 'new', does 'home sweet home' really apply?
I read that phrase as him being sarcastic, as in he actually didn't like his new home. He heavily sighed right after saying it, indicating that he wasn't really in a good mood, along with pulling himself out of his car, as if he did not want to enter the house. It also said that this was "only" the second time he had seen the building, as if he had buyer's remorse. He also shook his head later on and started having second thoughts about the purchase toward the end of the paragraph, all of which suggest that he did not really have warm affection toward his new abode.
Bracketed Dueling #1 on 11/23/2021 1:22:08 AM
This was really close vote for me. The second story had stronger strengths and worse flaws (more mature writer's voice, more descriptive, but the inadequate dialogue tags and how difficult it was to keep track of who was speaking annoyed me [there were multiple times when I thought one character was speaking, but then it turned out to have been another character]), while the first story had fewer strengths and more minor flaws (effectively creepy, but immature and simplistic writing style). The tiebreaker for me was that I thought that the idea for the first story was more enjoyable, with the deliciously cruel witch, so my vote is for Story #1 by the thinnest of margins.