Player Comments on In the Pale Moonlight

To be honest, I would have preferred to give this storygame 6.5 out of 8, but since it wasn't possible to give half scores, I went for 6.

I found this storygame to be immediately engaging, right from the first page. I enjoy TV series such as Supernatural, so this storygame immediately had a point in its favour before I started playing it. And then it started off with a monster who didn't have anything to do with the supernatural, which is something that's always fascinating in a world that's filled with supernatural creatures.

In total, I think I managed to find nine of the 'true' endings, and innumerable other endings where the player character dies but arem't considered 'true' endings (or so I assume, since they didn't say 'ending' before them).

I found the player character, William, to be quite an easy person to connect to. I liked the opportunity to learn more about him as the storygame went on, especially when it came to his father and his relationship with the man.

While the very first choice in the storygame is an interesting moral one, it doesn't seem to have much of an impact on the rest of the storygame, which is a little disappointing, as I would have liked it if the consequences of that choice had carried through to other areas.

I definitely did like the Norse mythology parts of this storygame, and I would have liked to see more of 'The Fool' (I assume Loki), as the werewolves have a direct connection to Fenrir. It is possible that he appears more in the other true endings that I didn't find, but by the time I stopped reading this storygame, I was left wondering why he appeared at all. The bit with the coin was pretty neat, but I did kind of assume it was a trick coin of some sort. I am going to assume that the player character didn't have any prior knowledge of Norse mythology, as if he had, he would have realised who the person he interacts with was...and, I'd like to believe, would have actually asked more questions, though I'm surprised he didn't take that opportunity anyway.

I was a bit disappointed that there didn't seem to be any way of saving Wyatt, though I do question the wisdom of bringing a teenaged boy on a hunt against a large group of werewolves. Trial against fire and all that, but surely it makes more sense (and is less likely to end fatally) if the boy's first hunt is against just one weaker creature?

While most of the writing was quite good and descriptive in this storygame, I did see quite a few errors. There was one random double introduction to Father Feval, where he's mentioned in the Lodge...and then the narration states that the player character leaves and contacts the Lodge, who tells him that there's another Hunter on standby who's Father Feval. Was this maybe carried over from a different path? There were also two moments I noticed when sentences just cut off halfway through, which unfortunately did throw me out of the storygame both times they happened.

Despite the errors I noticed, I did enjoy reading this storygame. It was engaging, with a player character and a plot I cared about. I do recommend giving it a try, and I do intend to return to it at some point in the future and hopefully find the rest of the 'true' endings I missed.

This was a great game. I started reading before the contest results were announced and wasn’t surprised to hear it got 1st. Congrats. From the violent killings to the “calm before the storm” Lodge preparations, it was very impressive how you set the tone.

*Spoilers*

Let’s start with the things I enjoyed the most: The main character and his badassery, the lore, and the werewolf primal urges.

The Main Character: Good ol’ Willy. Like the description states, you have completed 12 hunts and the game takes place on the 13th. There is an interesting background page regarding William’s childhood and father – I recommend finding it (I don’t think you’re forced into it). Rather than a generic Van Helsing knock-off, which would have been an easy pit to fall into, the MC has his own story and is shaped by his own unique past.

The Main Character’s Badassery: Ok, I decided this gets a section of its own. You’re armed with a shotgun and a revolver. Pure badass. Depending on the choices you make, you become blessed by a prominent Nordic figure and make the Alpha Wolf your Alpha Bitch. Oh, and did I mention he smokes weed?

The Lore: The game shows us an unseen war that has been going on for centuries that has elements from Catholicism and Norse Mythology. An ancient order that protects weak humans from terrifying beasts could easily turn cliché, and I think Steve did tremendously well keeping the reader from having an “I’ve been here before” feeling.

The Primal Urges: HUNT! KILL! EAT! Need I say more?

There wasn’t anything that jumped out as something the story desperately lacked or needed to change. I didn’t mind The Fool’s riddles; I thought it was a fun twist and a nice break to the dark, gloomy setting. There were a couple places where a title or sentence was mistyped, but that’s easily corrected and didn’t affect my rating at all. I read through two endings and was deeply entertained the whole time.

8/8

A Hunter! The true hope for humanity, a fiery beacon in the darkness, but sometimes you must work In Service to the Night!

Any ways, this story was a lot better than I thought it would be, for a 63k story written in a month. The beginning just set up the whole feel of the story quite well. The background and purpose of the hunters was interesting to read, as well as how they operate.

The characters were pretty developed and cool. Even though they didn't have the longest life span in the story, the each had their own distinct personality from the start. Mr. Gaange was pretty mysterious, I spent some time wondering when he would come up again.

The main thing I noticed that I didn't like was that it seemed whenever you were to FEED! it led immediately to an end game link (The Call of the Moon). It seems a good amount of the endings seemed to come up abruptly, but once again, contest entry on a time crunch so meh.

Although I'll assume there was probably a whole branch dedicated to helping the werewolves anyway. Works for me as I wasn't planning on joining those furry bastards.

Another thing, I really liked the action scenes as well, they seemed to capture the brutal and animalistic nature of fighting vampires and other such beasts of the night to the death.

Any ways, good job as always Steve.

So linear. You end up being hunted by wolves, if you let your friend kill you before you turn into a wolf, you die. If you dont, you turn into a monster. That are the only 2 posible endings. As a cyoa game, bad. But the story was Entertaining. 5/8.

Great with a friend but not when they skip pages before I've read them.

IT WAS AMAZING

Ho-ly shit. This was AMAZING

I picked a ending that got me killed and let me say that it was VERY dark and I loved it.

The only thing I dislike about this is that there is no probable ending the Wyatt doesn't die.

good

Very well done. loved the sense of immersion

I gave it a six because unless you explore everything, it's impossible to figure out how to destroy the mine and end it; by the end, I was tired of exploring; however, it's still a great game with a lot of interesting paths. I think it would be great to have some kind of sequel featuring the fool more, and more information about the hunters training.

This was an amazing story. I have it a 7 because I felt like some of the character was missing... But then again, I died pretty early, so I can't say that.

One word: AWESOME

A very gripping read. It's jam-packed with action right from the start. Rarely does the story start to drag, even as most of it is well fleshed-out.

It doesn't have that X factor which would make it an unforgettable read, but it's a solid popcorn work. Accept my payment of 6/8. Cheers.

It was very good. I liked the story line but you should of had a choice if you wanted to be a wolf or not but it’s good eather way

I got a lot of ‘modern day Geralt of Rivia’ and ‘witcher’ vibes from this one. Creative idea and excellent execution. Do make a sequel!

An amazing read with errors few and far between. Truly worth the time to take and interact with this short story.

this game is amazing very compelling story

note- there should be more paths like it should be possible to beat the game while staying human

I got the ending “Lucky Thirteen”. My only problem is with this pathline is the epilogue. It says that immediately after I get back to the Lodge, they began preparing for an attack even though nothing about my encounter with the werewolves suggested that they would counterattack or had the numbers to attack civilized places as the epilogue describes.

Engaging story, well-written, some paragraphs are chopped off but not a big deal. Characters have distinct, interesting personalities and back story.

I wished some of the options have more impact on the story, like deciding whether to kill a monster, and answering the fool's riddles.

Also, there are still many questions left unanswered, like what is the background of Mr. Gaanges, what do the witches do.

It will be fantastic if this story can be further developed.

This one may just be better than most of EndMaster's works.

This is a fun ride. You packed a lot of supernatural into a short night.