Player Comments on The Duet
Hmmm, I wonder if our dear Wibbons likes middle schoolers or writing about teenagers.
The Duet was not a bad story at all, as far as school-based goes. It was certainly less frustrating to find the ends than Solstice was, if you faggots who read reviews before stories are concerned about that.
Nothing bad stuck out to me about the grammar and writing style in this story, and the endings were all not too hard to find.
The story could have used a good bit more branching, I thought. The story just had one main branch that divided into endings in the last choices and one early ending. To its credit, the early ending did not lack the care that had been put into the others.
Additionally, while it was cool to see an appearance of Graveyard Girl from Solstice, as far as I could tell, that had no real impact upon the story, which was a little disappointing. It was interesting to see her hint at graduation, and that left me wanting more explanation of just who she is.
There were some funny lines in The Duet such as this gem about a school building that made me laugh: “You think it looks more like a ghetto White House.”
I also appreciated the realism in that there was no eruption of applause and a standing ovation in response to the performance they did. Everyone is there because of their kid or being dragged along by their family to watch their nephew/cousin/whatever play. Although the reader may care about the performance, few in the audience do, and this is something that I noted while reading as being a very good addition to the story.
I think it would have been nice had the story shown a bit more of Cerise’s and Whatchamacallhim’s relationship before the events of the story. All I really knew was that she tormented him, yet they were friends, and she helped him out the one time, and it altogether could have used a bit more explanation, but that was not a large enough issue that it prevented me from enjoying the story.
Overall it was a pretty good story and a nice one to read if you have a bit of time over lunch or before bed. If you like cute stories or school-based stories, definitely give The Duet ago.
on 6/4/2019 9:54:17 PM with a score of 0
I liked the story itself, but there were a few things that I felt were lacking. I can't tell if this is supposed to be a Middle School or a High School, or perhaps it is a big enough boarding school to house both? At one point the main character revisits a memory of Cerise when she was in eighth grade, so I am assuming both characters are currently in High School.
The story itself is written mostly informal and there are quite a few typo errors in it. For example, there are multiple instances where you meant to write the word 'your' and instead wrote 'you'. Things like that mostly. The parts of the story where you actually wrote out descriptions are written more formal and have a really nice flow to them, I wish that had been present throughout the entire story instead of just a few places. The informal style of writing itself suites the setting of the story, but the way it seems to switch back and forth makes it a little difficult to set one particular mood for it.
I would have also liked to see more backstory to this. It is very clear that Cerise has abandonment issues, but it is stated that the main character himself is also left at the school year round and does not see his parents. Why is it that he feels no abandonment issues at all? Why is he left there even during the summer? Who is Mags and what was her purpose? I played through several times and there is only one scene that I found with her in it. There are so many questions left unanswered that could have provided a deeper, more cohesive story if they had been covered in it.
Another thing I am unsure of is why the main character even cares about her. Until the end of the story, Cerise is very rude and childishly mean to Taylor. I feel like it would have been easier to sympathize with her character if Taylor's own backstory and abandonment at the boarding school had been more fleshed out. Showing their similarities at a deeper level than just that the two of them are left there even during the summer time would have helped achieve that.
All that being said, it really is a nice story. I wish it had been longer as the ending felt rather abrupt and only two choices felt like they really effected the story at all. But, there were two separate paths and endings that I found after playing it a few times. The descriptive parts were lovely and drew me into the story and the characters mostly acted appropriately for what I assume are their ages (14-15).
I give it a 4/8 currently, but would raise the rating to 5/8 if the typos are fixed.
on 9/18/2018 7:54:05 PM with a score of 888
I’m a little confused as the story starts. On the title page, I’m told this is a middle school drama, and I’m preparing for adventures of middle school students. However, on the first page I’m reading about the crowded pool and the wild dorms, which sounds like a college or university-level program. I suppose there could be a middle school where parents just ship their kids off and they’re left utterly unsupervised, but at this point, I don’t know what’s going on and if I’m dealing with 10-year-olds or 21-year-olds.
It was an interesting setup and good descriptions on that page leading to Cerise. I see the note we’re back in middle school, but these kids are wandering the woods utterly unsupervised. Perhaps this is set in a different time or place. Again, good descriptions there with the interactions with Cerise, it felt realistic and like I was in the story there. I’m not sure about the two options that appear to lead to exactly the same path – what was the point in that? It seems liked an option just to put an option in there.
The story ended pretty quickly, just like when it felt like it was getting going. Then again, it also ends when you eat “ice scream,” which is probably a good thing, because that doesn’t sound tasty at all! All-in-all it was a nice little short story. Thank you for sharing it with the site.
on 6/10/2018 5:34:45 PM with a score of 0
This was one of the greatest stories I have ever read!
Although, I spotted some mistakes in the writing, this story had touched my heart.
It was really well written and elaborated ones I have experienced.
My final rating to 'The Duet' is: 6/8, worth every cent. ;-)
-- Someone on 9/5/2020 11:52:39 AM with a score of 888
I loved this book/story . I wish there was another for I can see what happened to both of them. Whoever made this book did a great job.
-- Monek on 12/18/2019 2:09:26 AM with a score of 0
I really like this one. I read the second one to this first so when I start reading this a lot of the things sounded familiar and that's when I realized that I read the stories out of order and I really wish I had read them in the right order, cause the second one would have made more sense. But I enjoyed this one very much and the second one too. Thanks for sharing
on 11/2/2018 4:23:41 PM with a score of 888
It was cute and touching.
on 9/17/2018 12:07:47 AM with a score of 888
This was a really cool story a I think it will get lots of goog feedback/comments.
-- Elizabeth on 8/26/2018 12:36:38 AM with a score of 888
Being a Piano Player myself, I feel like this piece was an excellent representation of the beauty of the instrument as well as the music it can create. The feeling of getting lost in the music was wonderfully done. The descriptions of the scenery are simply detailed, which is a nice fit with the length of the story. The length of the story is also a nice fit for the genre you've chosen to write.
The only complaint I have is that the story is written in 2nd PoV and yet we have been assigned a specific name. In 2nd PoV, we are supposed to put ourselves into the story, but if the story is to follow Taylor then it should be written in either 1st or 3rd.
Great story. Well done. I enjoyed it. :)
on 7/10/2018 11:44:33 AM with a score of 888
Some typos still- but didn't disturb the flow really. I enjoyed it. I have some questions about the spooky girl, but I imagine if I played other versions, it would flesh out. Well done.
on 6/19/2018 11:04:29 PM with a score of 0
This story was obviously rushed and there were quite a few typos and a couple of POV issues as a result, but this is the WIBN that I remember and the only one who should be allowed to write.
Keep up the good work!
on 6/8/2018 11:44:12 AM with a score of 0
And here Wibbins the competent writer has come back and locked Wibbins the alien talker in the broom closet.
on 6/8/2018 8:12:29 AM with a score of 0