Player Comments on Brownies

meh. kinda weird, but, i guess it's okay.

And then the ghost shows up.

Most anticlimactic ghost encounter hahah

Eh. I suppose it counts as a contest entry.

First, it is very linear, especially at the start. More choices appear further in, but by then my attention was lost. However, the worst part for me, is that I never felt attached to the character and felt there was no goal from the start except to cook some food.

Overall, this was a little disappointing.

I am not a fan of this one, and here are my reasons.

1, The lack of choices. For the first 5 days, the only choice you had was to continue the story, there were now different choices to make. And when we did get a choice on day 5 it was either to run or to say hello. The average person would have some common sense and click "Run away" This option ends the game immediately. Most people would stop there and not even see the latter half of this game. (But I only did is because I knew I would give a review.) All I would say for this is to put your choices in the beginning, and if you want multiple days before you get any options you could at least put them on the same page so it seems less "boring".

2. Grammar, the grammar and sentence structure seemed a little immature. Also, I noticed in a few places where your commas were used incorrectly. For example this sentince

"You barely get there on time, but your day goes smoother from there. You return home at six and notice a chill in the air. It's getting colder, now. You hope your new house has some heating."

This is pretty wordy and you don't need a comma before "now"

What I would change this sentence to is "You barely get there on time but your day got smoother from there. You return home at six, and you notice a chill in the air. It's getting colder. You hope your new house has heating."

I think that better

3, The story is a bit plain, there really isn't anything that stands out about any of this writing. It didn't really keep my interest. Its a story game thats kinda just okay but could be better.

Overall it was not too bad, but honestly didn't hold my attention. I would give this a solid 3/8, though I was tempted to rate this worse I don't think it deserves it.

When I hit page six and there still were no choices, I said aloud, "uh-oh." Unfortunately, there's just not enough buy-in from the reader to make us care about the plight of the protagonist (or about the sleep mask). There were a few moments where I could see some experimenting with prose style, as in the shadowy man with bat ending--a bit. But overall, most of the paths, such as they were, were underbaked.

Brownies can be good underbaked, but in this case, no.