Player Comments on Death Sentence

A familiar idea but still an interesting premise. Considering I’m the one in prison serving the sentence it’s odd I’ve mentally redacted my own information but ok. I wouldn’t put an option to not take part in the story on the first page and I’m not sure why the police have come to me specifically when they have all their own detectives and resources to solve the crime but sure, anything that gets me a Get Out of Jail Free card. I’ve never been looked at with a hint of glee before so that was quite a fun description :D

I love “The presentation lasts for 10 minutes, do you have any questions?” Why yes, yes I do. What was the 10-minute presentation about? Further question, why am I traveling around in an armoured vehicle? Do I normally do this and, if so, am I Batman? Why on earth am I given a flare gun of all things? Am I heading out to sea? They give me a walkie talkie too, surely it would be easier and less dramatic if I just used that? How did I end up in a forest and how would a flare gun instantly burn it all down?

Who on earth keeps a flashlight in their house but doesn’t seem to have access to electricity? If the police know where the Murderer (real name not given) is, why do they need me to go in and find him? What kind of slob leaves a ketchup-soaked knife in the living room? Who on earth is Winter and where did this person come from? What is the difference between saying something comforting and reassuring? What murderer am I looking for? What is Winter doing here? Where in the name of Zeus am I? How did the armed policemen see me fire a flare gun in a house and why didn’t they just come in with me in the first place? How was Winter in a cell in the basement?

It’s fantastic that the police call me “prisoner’s name”, obviously my parents had a quirky sense of fun when filling in my birth certificate. It’s great they fake my records to acquit me of whatever my crime was, it’s wonderful to learn the truth about how the justice system truly works. I like that Winter “hugged me tighter” – has he or she been hugging me the whole time and, if so, how do I get them to stop? Why are we heading to bed together? Are you quite sure we’re really “just friends”?

This story brought me an unexpected amount of joy. It is completely unrestricted by either logic or sanity and seems to take place in a sort of Wonderland world functioning parallel to ours with vague similarities but also fantastical differences. Every other option led to a bizarre sudden ending so there was only really one way to go but when everything is so random that was the least of my worries. I enjoyed this a lot for its bizarre illogicity and would recommend it purely on that basis. It could have been better written but I don’t think it could have been more uniquely written.

I’m giving this 8/8 for pure enjoyment and, also, because I am assuming that is the age of the author.

Some of the dialogues sound pressure inspired...

Short and dumb. The choices pretty much amounted to stuff like "Do you put the knife in your backpack or do you stab yourself with it?" And the rest of the time, it was too linear with only one choice to proceed. The story was idiotic too. For some reason, guards could not go into a house to rescue a female from a killer. They needed to send an unarmed prisoner (you) to go in and rescue her. There was a note in the story that did not even have a proper game image. Overall, complete trash and extremely low effort. Just a waste of everyone's time.

good for a first storygame make it a bit more longer

fun premise, but not very detailed in the slightest. at times, very predictable and not many choices. ok for your first story game. next time, work a little more on developing your characters and try to include some natural dialogue, just write speech as you would actually speak, not how characters in movies speak.

ur game is great, you should mae it longer

It's a short but sweet read I suppose, it's certainly not bad for your first story. But I do have to note that some choices led to the same option and I found a broken link in the "Return Inside" page, particularly. The "Head Upstairs" choice. Other than that though, keep it up! Writing (like any other hobby) is a process that you'll get better at, the more you do it.

Good story. It was fun.

2/8.

+ Absurdity.
+ "Return to Checkpoint" option.

- Fails to establish tension.
- Plot changes from "escape prison" to "find the murderer" to "save your friend." Consequently, there is no clear genre. Spy? Slasher? Adventure?
- Linear.
- "Return to Checkpoint" always returns you to the last page, where there is only one alternate choice. Consequently, there are almost no choices in the story.

Erm... so THAT just happened.

I played this 3 times and got 3 different endings. This story was pretty basic, but a fine read. It says this game was inspired by Death Penalty and Pressure, both of which I have played, and while reading this story, I did get some vibes from those games.