Player Comments on Kinnitak Sikuk (Team 4)
The setting of this story immediately caught my eye among the rest of the brand new stories as unique. The arctic circle? Haven't seen that before in a storygame yet, so I expected that to play a big role in how this game played, but it didn't. Instead, the stats rule this game.
So the true ending "The People's Champion" is locked behind a big issue. You pretty much decide the final ending of the story by how you allocate stats at the beginning. If you don't have enough Charisma points, good luck convincing the village to stop burning Kinnitak Sikuk, cause you're gonna be about as convincing as a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at 6 in the morning.
I put all of my points into being SWOLE at the beginning, and had my entire tribe choke to death on black fog because I couldn't flex it away. Does it make sense? Of course. But it's not a good way to tell a story. You're doomed to fail.
Another thing you might want to consider changing is the way you respond to the guy pinning the brooch being directly correlated with whether you go the "coward" route or not. Two of the three things you say (that are completely innocuous) lead to the coward's ending instantly. Irritating.
I like the concept, and these are not fixes that require a total overhaul, so I might suggest making them. But thanks for writing this. 4/8
on 9/13/2019 2:46:31 PM with a score of 0
This story has the bones of a really good storygame. The stats are used interestingly, and there are a number of paths that depend on the interaction of stats and choices. So that was well done.
However, the writing itself is really, really rough. This author needs to practice using commas and semicolons to break up sentences and create effective rhythm to their prose. Small spelling and usage errors abound.
The majority of the game is spent picking stats, and it's just not an interesting way to start. I would recommend picking an archetype (strong warrior, smart guy, some hybrids, etc.) with one or two clicks. The effect would probably be about the same, with much less annoyance.
I would also recommend more choices that are less obviously simply about matching the action to high stat. More characterful choices and getting to know who I am rather than just what I do might be more effective.
on 8/27/2019 11:09:49 AM with a score of 0