Player Comments on Legend of the Folklore Fish

TL;DR: The only notable thing about this is its plot. It’s a decent time killer if you want to read something, but you’ll proably be happier reading an actuall book.

{OVERALL} 4/8

[PLOT]: 7/8
[CHARACTERS]: 5/8
[WORLDBUILDING]: 4/8
[WRITING STYLE]: 4/8
[BRANCHING & CHOICES]: 3/8
[EMOTIONAL IMPACT]: 4/8

{PLOT} 7/8

[Scope: Short & Sweet]: I’m not sure why this is a length of 6, as I managed to read through all of it relatively quickly, but it was still a good story. (+2)
[Pacing: Good]: It was a short story, but it had a decent pace nonetheless. (+2)
[Plot twists & Foreshadowing: Good]: The plot twist that the Folklore fish revealed was a good one, and there was good foreshadowing of Kaito and Nagisa working together with the story of Urashima. (+2)
[Endings: Few and mixed]: While the “true” ending(s) are a good one, there are, if I am counting correctly, only 4 other endings, all of which end in death, or something like it. This could easily be turned into a book, or a pair of books, and lose almost nothing in the way of the plot. (+1)

{CHARACTERS} 5/8

[Characterization: Distinct, yet lacking]: The fact that there are so few characters allows for them to be distinct from each other easily. However, the quality isn’t the best. (+1)
[Antagonist(s): Simple & Easy]: There aren’t any real big antagonists, although it is a nice story regardless. The only two characters that pose a “threat” to them are the spirits in the river, and the guardian of the water. (+1)
[Character arcs: Good]: (Almost) All of the characters, even the side characters, have some sort of character arc they undergo. (+2)
[Dynamics: Decent]: Not much to say here. (+1)

{WORLDBUILDING} 4/8

[Setting: Lacking]: (+1)
[Lore: Small & simple]: C’mon man, give us more lore! (+1)
[Cultures: Only a single, simple thing]: (+1)
[Worldbuilding: Requires exposition]: While I appreciate trying to hide it all behind a story, it’s still just you telling us what it is. (+1)

{WRITING STYLE} 4/8

[Narrative voice/descriptions: They exist]: (+1)
[Showing/telling balance: Almost all telling]: (+0)
[SPAG: Good]: No glaring flaws that I could find. (+2)
[Engagement: Barely there]: There aren’t any real choices you can make. (+1)


{BRANCHING & CHOICES} 3/8

[Sensibility: Not applicable]: There are so few choices here! (+1)
[Structure: Extremely narrow]: (+1)
[Effects & Replayability: None]: You can’t exert any real control over the story, and there is so little replayabilty in it that it practically doesn’t exist. (+0)
[Endings: Few & mixed]: (+1)

{EMOTIONAL IMPACT} 4/8

[Emphathy: Decent]: (+3)
[Rememberance: Little to none]: (+1)

{OVERALL} 4/8

[PLOT]: 7/8
[CHARACTERS]: 5/8
[WORLDBUILDING]: 4/8
[WRITING STYLE]: 4/8
[BRANCHING & CHOICES]: 3/8
[EMOTIONAL IMPACT]: 4/8

The Legend of the Folklore Fish is a delightful tale of friendship and adventure. The odd pair of the story loving Kaito and the cynical Nagisa embark on a fantastic adventure to find the Folklore Fish for their own secret purposes. What follows is a charming tale that allows both their characters to grow and learn from each other, all while facing trials that test their intelligence, bravery and faith in each other. A tale well worth reading.

<<SPOILERS AHEAD>>

WRITING:

If I had to describe the language used in the story, I would say that it was simple but effective. The narration feels trimmed of all fat with each word and each sentence being crafted perfectly to deliver the information that needs to be conveyed. The writing dwells on the emotions of characters only as long as it needs to before swiftly moving the story forward, which in turn provides a very consistent level of pacing.

I also really like how focused the story remained throughout on its core theme of the art of storytelling. The stories play a prominent part in the narrative consistently, from the old man being emboldened by Kaito's story to cross the bridge to Nagisa herself donning the storyteller's hat to inspire a disillusioned Kaito in a nice moment of character development. There's also the fact that the guide to the trials is also a story with two different versions that seemed to suit the protagonist that you picked.

No SPAG issues I could detect, which is always nice to see. One really, really small nitpick was the usage of metal filing cabinets and the healer calling her peers 'medics' which seems oddly anachronistic given the setting.

CHARACTERS:

Naturally, I have to talk about Kaito and Nagisa. I would normally dedicate separate paragraphs to talking about them, but in this case, it feels more fitting to discuss them together. In the context of the ever present theme of storytelling, these two act as perfect foils of each other. Kaito believes (perhaps too blindly in some cases) in the intrinsic power of the stories themselves whereas Nagisa respects recognizing the truth over allowing one's actions to be guided by myth. Their conversations and arguments truly breathe life into the story. All the while, they also influence each other with their ideas and beliefs. Kaito gradually comes to terms with his father's death with the seed of this idea first being shown in his acceptance of his goldfish's passing. Nagisa, on the other hand, allows herself to hope for better which in turn helps her overcome the sea guardian's temptation. Near the end, their roles are almost reversed when Kaito becomes disillusioned after learning the truth about the Folklore Fish and it falls to Nagisa to rekindle his hope with a story. It's a lovely character arc to experience.

I also like the parallels between the duo of protagonists and the storyteller and the sorcerer of the past. This is further enhanced by providing separate versions of the same legend, one of which was a lie that favored the storyteller while the other was the truth that favored the sorcerer. I'm glad they were able to reunite and reconcile their grudge at the end. It is a satisfying conclusion.

STRUCTURE:

Unfortunately, this story has almost no branching. Most choices either lead to a swift ending or don't matter as the story finds a way to return to the main narrative anyway. The reader gets to read the same story twice from two different perspectives which is a neat idea but it only serves to help them understand the characters better and doesn't provide any opportunities to change the narrative. While it was pleasant to read, I wouldn't say it was particularly interactive, which as you can guess is a big part of interactive fiction.

Despite that, Legend of the Folklore Fish is certainly a worthwhile read. If you don't care too much about branching paths then all the better.

Ok, Japanese tales can be fun (Cat’s Shades of Fear is a good example) so we’ll give this thus-far-ignored story a blast. The first Haiku is nice, I choose life (reminds me of an anti-smoking campaign) and the writing on the first page is very well done with excellent structure, good word choices for maximum effect and no SPAG errors. You have nailed the atmosphere very well and my character seems very much stuck in the denial stage of the seven stages of grief.

I think there’s at least a 50% chance the Healer is going to resurrect papa as an undead ghoul but let’s give it a shot. The legend of Urashima is so well-told I think it must be based on an actual legend? The encounter with the tennyo is a bit odd. I am surprised after quite a way into the story to come across a Part 1, what was all that stuff I read before then? It is thoughtful of you to put in a save game link though. There are quite a few legends in this story and “the real world” I live in also gives a legendary mystical type vibe. Every time I meet someone, someone tells someone else a long story.

It’s nice to see Kaito can accept the reality of death sometimes. I like the trials and the second trial reminds me of the stranger danger motto. The poems are a nice touch. The correct choice in the trials is rather easy to make and the Folklore Fish is a nice dude. And Papa is fine so that’s good. No need for modern medicine, all I need is a magical talking fish to Lazarus my father back to life! Well Done me. A nice ending to the story as well, I got the happy ending.

So, this was an interesting one. Either you an expert on traditional Japanese legends or you are very good at making them up. The branching was a bit mixed – either you failed or you kept going in the story, and there were quite a few text walls that might be intimidating to some readers. The story genre is quite specific and most likely to appeal to others interested in mythology and folklore, though the ethereal atmosphere of traditional Japanese culture is nicely captured.

Overall, I would say this one was quite well written. It is a challenging read so putting in save options was a good choice and it might not be everyone’s cup of tea but you are undeniably a talented, enthusiastic and skilful writer who crafts the legends very well. Did it make much sense on a rational level? No. But was it very interesting, relaxing and enjoyable to read? It certainly was in a Japanese version of Grimms’ Fairy Tales kind of way. It could perhaps benefit from some editing in places but overall, I’ll give this one a 6/8 because I found it quite a good read. For a first story by a new member of the site this is an excellent and very promising indication of your potential as a writer 😊

I can't accept some of the facts in the story. But that's beautiful.

Man. Just. Damn. Some good first action on the site. I've only read Kaito's path so far, but I loved it with all my heart. I'll come back later with a full review.