Player Comments on MSV - Adventures

@Will11

Reading the description again, that almost looks like some kind of writing or essay prompt, so maybe this is another school project dealie, who knows.

For such a short story, I'm not sure why you didn't finish it. Otherwise, it seemed like a decent story for young kids.

For some reason I almost feel like someone is deliberately flooding the site with bad stories... as a children's story this is ok and seems a lot like the stories I use in class to teach my younger students English. The story could be improved by finishing it (obviously) and possibly putting in some pictures to liven up the storyline.

Your Intro sentence showed a more impressive grasp of the English language than the entire story and seems out of place in a story that is apparently geared for children.

This story is incomplete based on the blank, link less page I found:

http://chooseyourstory.com/help/articles/article.aspx?ArticleId=4046

I feel like this could use the 'Geared for Children' tag. It was a kind of dull for me, but then again I'm not the target audience. As a simple story for kids it's perfectly acceptable.

The biggest issue is that you've got some dead links in here. The 'Friends and Food' one for sure and I think a couple more. You don't want to ever leave a page with a dead end, and in fact too many is grounds for a story being unpublished IIRC. Every page needs either choices, a way to go back to the previous page, or an End Game link.