Player Comments on My Little Pony: Sunlight and Shadow

You deserve a lot more ratings and reviews, you put a ton of effort into this game. I really like how you incorporated a lot of world building and complex characters. I'm not too familiar with MyLittlePony lore but I was able to follow along. Good job.

To be honest, I don't like my little pony. However, I don't hate a good story-game. I found this to be one of your more enjoyable reads, flutter.

Kudos.

You certainly do have a talent for incorporating the “game” aspect into your stories. Kudos for a job well done.

Don't tell anyone, but I grew up with My Little Pony and I do love it. But this story leaves a lot to be desired. From a writing standpoint, it is clunky. The sentences are more or less the same length and the descriptions are basic, making the rhythm static. The punctuation also needs cleaned up.
I'm not a fan of storygames that are location and map based. The variables and objects are impressive but this kind of story would be better as straightforward and branching. You have such a fantastical world that does not benefit from rigid locations and objects. I would have preferred a solitary adventure through Equestria.
I know that this story is set far before the show, and that Celestia and Luna have always spoken in this old English kind of way, especially Luna, but it feels more like a poor imitation. (Too much use of the word "Mayhaps"!) It is strange and alienating. In fact, I think this story would benefit from having it be first or second person. Why not immerse the reader even more that way?
Clearly there is a lot of love put into this storygame, it just misses the mark of the whimsical world of My Little Pony.
All that said, it's perfectly fine for a younger audience. As a G3 girlie, I don't recognize all the references but I'm sure an avid fan would. I think it's a decent addition to Fan Fiction.

I really liked this story. I enjoyed the world-building and the amount of locations I had to go to. I also think you did a good job fleshing out the story and the characters. Good use of variables