fresh_out_the_oven, The Apprentice Scrivener
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Hiya! It's me, fresh. I'm a writer of light-toned and comical stories, frequent forum poster, maker of 5,000 clicky links, prolific comma hater (iykyk), designated keeper of noobs, and EndMaster's fifth daughter (est. 11/7/2024 12:21:58 CST).
Oh, and I draw things sometimes. Feel free to message me with a request, and definitely feel free to pay me (though I'll do it anyway)
My Short Stories (at least the ones worth reading)
"Saint Fresh" -Dire
"Petros is still my favorite mean girl, though, sorry Fresh" -Peng
"Fresh just attracts all the UK weirdos" -End
"You make me feel old" -Wizzy
"It's seriously cool of you to notice these little things and be so friendly like this." -RK
"You're really cool too" -Mystic (my role model)
"Well at least we know Fresh will never leave us for an athiest tranny" -Mizal
"She seems alright." -Thara
"You know you're incredibly good at diffusing extreme situations? Like, scarily good." -flutter
"end I think you might have inbred a bit too hard with this daughter" -malk
Achievements:
Achievement Unlocked: Cartoonist
Achievement Unlocked: Based Player
Achievement Unlocked: Daughterhood Upgrade
Achievement Unlocked: Crushed Your Enemy
Achievement Unlocked: News Reporter
Achievement Unlocked: Recruiter
Achievement Unlocked: Shining Beacon of Light
Achievement Unlocked: Secret Ninja Guesser!
10th most commended Warden (I broke top ten!)
#4 ranked story of 2023
2nd place entry in EndMaster's Prompt Contest 2
4th place entry in Sherbet's Summer's End Synergy Contest
Runner-Up "most creative gift", Secret Santa 2024
Secondmost Least Secret Santa, Secret Santa 2024
Runner-Up "best overall gift", Secret Santa 2024
Trophies Earned



Storygames
Your lesbian little sister died horribly because her gay crush fucked her over, but that’s not stopping you from taking up the rainbow flag in her honor.
Welcome to another addition to the iconic Gay and Depressed series (shoutout to queenlatifa04 for the amazing original!!). Speaking of the original, read that masterpiece by clicking this link here.
It's worth mentioning that this is a direct sequel, and the sister mentioned is the MC in the original.
I would also like to point out that some of the more strange aspects of this tale (such as the names of the pages, tone of the story, and several of the endings) are designed as they are to keep the same style as the original.
Second place entry in EndMaster’s Prompt Contest 2
Not to mention a glowing review from End: "Fresh's story is pretty funny"
You see them all the time— serial killers, zombie outbreaks, nuclear fallouts. Of course, you always see them on a movie screen or the pages of a book. Not me.
Hi, I’m Teshi. I play the comedic relief in all your favorite tales of the apocalypse! It’s the best role because if I die, the fans will have the head of the lead scriptwriter. I consider myself pretty well-protected.
That is until all of that goes kerplooey.
Fourth place entry in Sherbet's Summer's End Synergy Contest
Special thanks to:
goodnight_a for proofreading and playtesting
TypewriterCat for playtesting (though that's not what she intended it to be) and for words of encouragement
My irl friends for proofreading, playtesting, and letting me work in peace
Entry in End Master's Prompt Contest 4
Prompt: "a story heavily driven by a love/hate relationship with the antagonist"
A long time ago in a land far, far more gay...
Sir Channing is a knight under rule of King Thom. His successes and failures, as well as every decision between, have more impact on the fate of Thigomisat than he may ever know.
And of course, all of those decisions depend on you.
S'pose you could call it a prequel.
Thank you so, so much to all y'all who gave me encouragement and proofread/playtested. You know who you are.
Oh, and thank you to Darius and Ace for unwittingly motivating me through pure spite.
things to improve/do before publishing:
that pesky first line
character introductions as part of the narrative rather than their own boring paragraphs
go italicize the things that need that
all the parenthetic scenes
some major fucking formatting of the worst kind
oh yeah, and actually writing
This story is about Mammon, a promising young boy whose life gets cut short by his father. But for Mammon, this is not the end of the road; it is simply an unforeseen and abrupt turn.
Mammon awakens to find himself a ghost, and must decide what to with his afterlife.
Will he give in to the greed that plagued him in life? Will he use this opportunity to get revenge on those who caused him suffering? Or will he attempt to atone for his sins, now that he has a second chance?
Your city has been living in utter denial of the existence of the gods of yore, and they are angry.
All of them.
As the chosen representative for your hometown, (chosen by the gods, of course) you must complete twelve labors mostly based off of stories from mythology or religious books.
Despite all the religion and spiritual lessons, not every path in this is family friendly. In fact, unless you immediately (or pretty near immediately) die, you'll be subjected to some kind of suggestive talk and most definitely some cussing - some of which could be offensive. So if that's not your thing, don't say I didn't warn you.
For EndMaster's Myth and Religion Contest
Teshi has survived thus far with your help. Can you once again keep our beloved, humorous little protagonist alive?
Honestly I'll probably add this all to the first story someday, but only once it's finished.
Articles Written
How To Not Be Fucking Weird OnlineRecent Posts
Thunderdome: the gay one on 2/5/2025 11:06:48 PMThunderdome: the Gay One on 2/5/2025 9:41:40 PM
I was originally going to do my grammar nazi routine within this post, but it took so long to figure out how to format this part the way I wanted that I have decided to just post it now and potentially do that later.
First off, I'd like to say kudos to you both. These are solid entries; the Thunderdome has come a long way from its rocky beginning. I enjoyed both stories and honestly had a difficult time picking one to vote for. Ultimately I had to go with Story B due the stunning characterization of the narrator, but I think I could swing either way here.
Story A
Overall Thoughts -
This story is pretty heartwarming and humorous at times— my kind of tale.
Plot -
Positives
- The reveal of the personal ad and John’s response to it is an excellent way to highlight his emotional crisis. I knew from the moment it was mentioned that he'd be taking the offer, but I like how you drew it out and showed us more reason for him to do so before the decision was made.
- The twist near the end where Angie reveals that she was the one behind the ad adds a comedic touch that breaks the tension. It's a nice, refreshing turn in the story.
Negatives
- The conflict between John and Angie could use a few more hints earlier in the story to emphasize how deep their emotional disconnect goes
- I also think the turn-around with Angie and John happened too quickly. There needed to be more discussion about what was wrong in their marriage before everything became fine and dandy again. Honestly, the ending seemed very rushed.
Characters -
Positives
- John's as a relatable character. He feels stuck and bored, which are things everyone has experienced. His desire for change feels real and understandable.
- The twist reveals Angie's hidden feelings adds depth and complexity to her. I appreciate that she’s not just a passive participant in the relationship.
- The way their past love story is briefly revisited (their first meeting, the lost connection) enhances their reunion later on.
Negatives
- It would be great to have a little more insight into Angie’s perspective on things. Her motivations for the personal ad could be fleshed out better. If the beginning had a bit of a faster pace and used less words, you could possibly have incorporated an explanation on her part or a POV shift with flashbacks, but at least some hints earlier on that she was also unhappy would be great.
- The setting of O'Malley's bar is described well.
- The final scene on the beach, as the two of them share a peaceful moment together, is a good way to give the reader a sense of closure. The ocean and the setting sun serve as a metaphor for their emotional reset, yeah?
- There could be more sensory detail for their home.
- The writing flows smoothly; I'd say this is something you do better in your story than the other fucker in his.
- Dialogue is natural; I could hear actual people talking like that. Very nice. Also, the way they communicate (or fail to) adds to the frustration of their relationship.
- The twist in the final scene is handled with humor and relief, which adds a nice layer of irony to the story’s resolution.
- Some sentences could use a little tightening, as there are a few moments where the narrative drags slightly— especially when detailing John’s thoughts and frustrations.
- The grammar and punctuation are solid overall, and the narrative’s rhythm is consistent.
- A few sentences could benefit from more varied sentence structure. This would help maintain reader interest, especially during the more reflective parts of the story.
- Be mindful of occasional awkward phrasing, like “the idea of escaping the emotionless void his life had become,” which, while poetic, might feel a bit overdone.
- There are moments when subject-verb agreement needs a little attention, particularly when sentences grow longer and more complex.
- It's spelled "ladder" when you're talking about the noun
- There's a lot of "was" use in this story. Try to stick to active voice to make your story more engaging.
- Adverbs, specifically all those pesky "-ly" words, are inadvisable.
- You do a good job of building tension right from the very beginning.
- The way you slowly show us the insanity of the narrator is really unsettling. That's a compliment.
- The scene near the end with the narrator jumping in to lie to the cops left me with my mouth open in shock. It was really unnerving and honestly a horrifying thought.
- The circular structure here is used really well— rereading the first line after everything that happens in the story really drives home the emotional impact.
- The pacing could be more consistent. The narrator’s violent outburst feels pretty abrupt; a more gradual buildup could heighten the emotional tension leading to that moment.
- It would be beneficial to plant more hints of previous abuse earlier in the story to show that the relationship’s toxicity has been building over time, again to help it all feel less abrupt.
- The narrator is incredibly done. His delusions, self-pity, and manipulative behavior are revealed gradually, making his psychological unraveling chilling.
- The portrayal of the abuser’s psychology (gaslighting, self-justification, and emotional manipulation) is highly effective and disturbing. Some of his lines of dialogue really, really sound like my mom.
- Small details, such as the narrator’s behavior (buying flowers at a gas station, preparing the house), reveal the complexity of his character and the controlling nature of the relationship.
- The wife’s character could be fleshed out more. Flashbacks to earlier moments in the relationship or more insight into her internal struggles would provide depth and show her perspective on their marriage.
- The narrator’s background could be expanded to show how his controlling behavior developed, but that really is a nitpick. His character is amazing.
- The room they're in is described pretty well; I have a sense for what the world around them is like.
- Sensory details like heat, dust, and air conditioning amplify the oppressive mood, reinforcing the themes of entrapment. It all fits together very nicely.
- Yeah, I got nothing for ya here.
- The fragmented sentences and short paragraphs reflect the narrator’s unstable mind and make the whole thing more suspenseful.
- Repetition of motifs (e.g., ticking clock, counting) adds a rhythmic quality to the narration. It's a cool device to use and really fits the tone.
- The narrator's internal monologue is a powerful tool for revealing the narrator’s less-than-optimal mental state; it gives me direct access to his twisted justifications and manipulative thoughts. Reading this directly from the perspective of the abuser was a trip, and I mean that in a good way.
- You tend to be overly wordy in some areas, making the sentences a little confusing.
- The overall rhythm of the narrative is solid.
- A few sentences are slightly awkward or overly wordy
- Could use some more varying of sentence structure
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement; make sure that singular subjects are paired with singular verbs and plural subjects with plural verbs; it can be tricky when the subject is collective or there is a complex sentence structure, so be careful with those.
Try to avoid misplaced and dangling modifiers.
- I think you mean "I wouldn't have it any other way", and that bothers me.
- Adverbs are not your friends in creative writing. Try not to tack "-ly" onto the ends of words.
Setting -
Positives
Negatives
Writing Style -
Positives
Negatives
SPAG -
Positives
Negatives
Story B
Overall Thoughts -
This story is an emotionally charged and deeply unsettling exploration of domestic abuse, with the narrator’s psychological descent taking center stage. The unreliable narrator is done really, really well.
Plot -
Positives
Negatives
Characters -
Positives
Negatives
Setting -
Positives
Negatives
Writing Style -
Positives
Negatives
SPAG -
Positives
Negatives
BEASTMANCER: Game 1 on 2/5/2025 2:35:13 PM
A man enters the room with cautious steps; he stands up ramrod straight, his eyes dart around the room, and his hands, tightly clasped together in front of him, tremble ever so slightly. He's clad in plenty of splendor and luxurious clothing, but in this sea of powerful figures, Bartholomew is but a father, small and fragile in comparison to the raw magic that surrounds him.
"Hello," he begins, uncertainty coloring his tone. He clears his throat. "Um, hello. I am Lord Bartholomew Puddlewink. I have... I have a request to make." He shifts on his feet, unsure of how to continue.
“I don’t know what to do,” he blurts out, voice strained. “My daughter... Elowen. She’s been tormented by these shadows in the corners of her mind— whispers that follow her everywhere. I can’t stand to watch her suffer, but the healers, they say there's nothing they can do.” His voice cracks. “Nothing. Can you believe that?
"Despite the efforts of countless healers, no cure has come. They speak in hushed tones about her ailment, offering potions and spells that seem only to dull the edges of her pain, never extinguish it. In their eyes, she is a lost cause— her fragile mind a puzzle too complex to fix. But I won’t— can't accept that. My daughter’s torment isn’t something that can be washed away with mere remedies. It’s something deeper, something unseen. So... so that’s why I'm here." He offers a small smile. "I was hoping you could help me. I need something... real," he tells the gathered Beastmancers.
A bitter laugh escapes him, weak and hollow. “I wish I could just... wave my hand and make it all disappear. But I can’t. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I don’t even know if this is real.” His eyes go wide and desperation flashes across his face. “But you’re the ones with the answers. You’re the ones who can help me.”
He fidgets with his hands, still avoiding direct eye contact with any of the people in the room. "I need something to comfort her— a companion who can ease her fear."
Y'know what's really neat and interesting? on 2/5/2025 12:35:14 AM
Y'know what's really neat and interesting? on 2/5/2025 12:14:47 AM
I like both attempts, but I do like the second one more.
Y'know what's really neat and interesting? on 2/5/2025 12:03:56 AM
Y'know what's really neat and interesting? on 2/4/2025 11:39:04 PM
Y'know what's really neat and interesting? on 2/4/2025 11:35:28 PM
One line = monostich
Two lines = couplet
Three lines = tercet
Four lines = quatrain
Five lines = quintet (or cinquain if it meets other specific requirements)
Six lines = sixain/sextain/sestet
and many more!
Y'know what's really neat and interesting? on 2/4/2025 11:11:02 PM
You forgot a lil piece; there's supposed to be a three-line stanza (tercet) at the end that uses all six of the words. It's called an envoi.
But otherwise, you did it all correct, and it's coherent! I'm so glad someone attempted this. Surely everyone else isn't going to let you be better than them here.
Game Recommendation! The Coffin of Andy and Leyley on 2/4/2025 8:10:56 PM