Gay and DepressedER!!!

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

I remember this storygame nearly won the second prompt contest, so it’s somewhat surprising that it doesn’t have any long reviews. I’m here to change that.

The description doesn’t waste words. In one sentence, it conveys the protagonist’s mission, the general attitude towards being gay, and the tone of this storygame. It’s a parody of the original which I’ve only glanced at, so if I miss any references, that’s probably why.

Onto the first page. I like how the first two lines set up the scene while having a dry sense of humor with the words ‘how depressing’. But the next paragraph is a short info-dump and also redundant, given that it was already stated in the description. Still, it sets this up to be a parallel narrative to her sister’s doomed tale.

WRITING STYLE

Perhaps this may be intentional, but a lot of the story utilizes ‘telling’ instead of ‘showing’. Simply put, some parts of this storygame reads more like a summary of events, e.g. “You decide to come out to your Intro to Computer Informations Systems class. Once you tell them, they all seem to take more interest in you. None of them have ever experienced any romantic encounters, so they'll take what they can get.” Perhaps a suggestion would be immersing readers in the moment where the protagonist comes out, as it is a pivotal scene for him and has quite a bit of potential for comedy too. Either way, it’s more of a nitpick than anything since the smaller scope of this story means it doesn’t deter readers.

However, the writing style tends to reflect the tone of the story. The moment at Wendy’s seems to lapse into ‘telling’ again, though perhaps that’s due to the more mundane nature of that scene, perhaps portraying the protagonist’s boredom. Dialogue is usually amusing, though. It grounds the reader in the scene, characterizing the characters, and though most of them are archetypal, this makes sense given the story’s length.

Perhaps one of the most descriptive scenes is ironically the depressed one. This makes good use of the protagonist’s internal dialogue to showcase his victim mentality as he goes into a whole ‘poor me’ spiral. The personification of the noose on the fan with the imagined words it says is a nice touch to show his incoming descent to insanity. Lines like “the air slowly leaves your lungs, and you begin to taste death on the tip of your tongue” grounds the reader in the moment. Soon, he’s literally grounded as situational irony is used for his failed attempt at suicide, but when he tries to live—moving away from the collapsing ceiling—he ends up dead. It fits thematically with his mindset that everything he does fails.

The part where he comes out to his Programming Languages captured the awkwardness and second hand embarrassment well, with the protagonist beaming and the class ignoring his words. And she literally sends him to hell, lol. The choice to see what it is like made me chuckle. But the protagonist can never find anything interesting to do, befitting the mood of this story. Even after death, he cannot get anything akin to a satisfying ending. It’s entertaining to see that the German class was written entirely in German.

CHARACTERS & PLOT

For such a short storygame, side characters are well-characterized and have distinct personality traits. For instance, Dergo’s hesitant nature is portrayed through his actions and how he makes everything sound like a question. Description adds to this, as it paints a picture of the protagonist thinking being disgusted with him, using descriptors like “eyes that are rimmed with red” and “poster child for a heroin-addicted nerd”. They’re punchy and straight (haha) to the point. Their signature moves says a bit about them, like how Dergo nods to appear agreeable and the protagonist shrugging shows he doesn’t really care about how things turn out.

On the other hand, the protagonist doesn’t have much of a personality besides being gay. I would have thought that the parallel narrative with his sister would make him more cautious, maybe adding some tension to the story as he tries to avoid her fate, but that wasn’t the case. Though that might have foreshadowed the endings where he or his date ends up dead.

Speaking of that, nothing is too developed in this story which is, once again, probably due to the shorter scope. The protagonist goes from ‘taking what he can get’ in regards to Dergo to risking his life from him after one boring date. His personality can be completely changed in a matter of choices. But I guess he’s not the brightest based on his actions in a few different paths.

Some parts of this story are for shock value and comedic effect, like getting shot when rejecting Dergo or getting killed by the Slavic lady. I’m not going to think about the ‘realism’ aspect of these since it isn’t the point of this story. Instead, I’ll say that it adds to the overall narrative where the protagonist being gay and depressed makes him a punching bag for the plot and other characters.

This storygame can be summarized by a single line: “Lol, fag”. Yeah, that’s pretty much the tone of this story. It’s funny to see how the protagonist’s attempts at surviving as a gay student usually end badly, whether due to the reactions of those around him or him choosing to end it of his own volition.

Gay and DepressedER

Yet another entry into the series that has become CYS’s story game equivalent of Smurfette. The original was dogshit. Darius’s was, I am forced to admit, very good. Your talent as a writer and the generally good rating on here makes me optimistic this will be a good read.

“You wake up all alone in your bed. How depressing.”
Story of my life, and definitely a good way to get straight into the thick of things.

I confess, a little more background info on your sister and how she died, would have been a good addition. Was she spurned and committed suicide? Was she and her lover thrown off a bridge? Did she get killed by Mr. Snuff after your parents kicked her out? I assume as your first go to with coming out is your college class, there’s not a supportive home unit.

What was the nature of the relationship between the protagonist and their sister? Were they best friends? Did he neglect her and feels guilty about it now that she’s dead?

A few more details would help make more sense as to why her brother is taking up the alphabet mantle, and add depth to the protagonist.

Don’t get me wrong, it still does a good job of throwing the reader right into the middle of the purpose of this story game in a way that is easy to follow and remember. But without much to go on, it falls a little flat.

I enjoyed this game so much, I ended up reading through all the paths lol.

Scene two: “None of them have ever experienced any romantic encounters, so they’ll take what they can get.” Well, duh! That’s why they’re in computers, so they can get good jobs to buy hookers and gold diggers!

Seriously though, I did laugh at that, and the character portrayal of Dergo was very subtle, yet convincing. His shyness and attempts to woo the protagonist come across as believable and in line with your earlier portrayal of the class.

To be frank, his name and general appearance reminds me of another blond haired gay man who contributes to the Gay and Depressed series. I don’t know if that was intentional or not: either way, well done.

Scene six is definitely amusing, although his response right before he pulls the gun feels a little… muted. If he’s mad enough to kill you on a crowded campus with security and witnesses, why not have him go full-blown homo incel mode and scream about how he turned gay to get away from shallow bitches and somehow you faggots are even worse!
Y’know, make the reaction appropriate to the action.

Scene eight: So this is in fact the randomness that made the original so popular! And may I just say, you do it so much better! Now yes, a mugger robbing a Wendy’s is a little out there, but it’s plausible enough that you don’t have to completely suspend disbelief by the neck on a hastily crafted platform like you did in the OG GAD.

Why does that sound like a freaking rap name…?

Anyways, you manage to capture the comedic genius that made the original so popular while simultaneously keeping the story on point and believable. You also do a good job of explaining why you’re in that situation in the first place (your date’s carelessness). The interactions between characters is already in and of themselves an integral part of the ongoing plotline.

Scene ten: Ended perfectly. Dergo was a faggot, and I’m not talking about his sexuality. The whole story comes full circle. You, Peter, are GAY AND DEPRESSEDER!!

Scene Eleven: Never have I related to a criminal so much. Dergo’s complete cowardice makes me even more convinced that Scene ten is the perfect way to end this path.

“Fun while it lasted!” Fuck you Dergo. Make your own frosties at home next time.

Scene twelve: honestly the smartest choice. Happy ending for everyone: Dergo gets his frosty, you get your date, the mugger gets his money.

Uplifting music plays in the background as the camera slow angles up towards the sky, where a rainbow spreads across the screen and the golden words “The End” are written across it by the protagonist’s dead sister…

But Dergo gets to live though. So fuck that, fuck him, fuck the mugger, and fuck the frosty.


Programming Languages, otherwise known as Scene Two. Well. If you want to get your professor’s attention, announcing your on the market and hot for teacher will surely do it!

Except the sub is there. And she has a vagina. Gross!

Backed out. Lead to Scene fourteen. This made me laugh myself out of my chair. Honestly, if this was one of those stories where each of the endings had individual names, I’d call this one “LOL, fag!” Very nicely done, and a fantastic job subverting the suicide into something unexpected.

The Show Must Go On! Scene Seventeen: yeah, this lady must be a reference to a certain other racist serb on here. I’m surprised you didn’t put her in a wheelchair. The “if she hit you with a car, she’d drive away without a moment’s hesitation?” Excellent shade.

I think our resident Reich Roller must’ve fallen in love when he read this, cause she immediately calls you a faggot and kills you, sending you down to Hell. This was done… well. Not so believably. But it was still funny, and I could still understand what was going on and follow the order of events, which is again an improvement over the original.

Chose to wander around: honestly? I think I’d rather take actual torture over this. Being all alone, with the exact same surroundings forever? You’re guaranteed to go bat shit crazy and be reduced to an empty shell.

Staying put: basically the same thing. Sheesh. At least some lower level incubus from the lust ring could toss you a dildo to break the monotony. This is literally worse than eternal hellfire.

So the German path?? Well. Scene Vier was… well. I have no clue. I don’t speak German and I wasn’t about to waste time on a single scene. Smart move, since the next scene was essentially a successful version of the back out option.

Good for you, winner!

All in all, a respectable story that kept me fairly amused, but could benefit from some more paths and background.

5/8. Great job Fresh!

Truly it was Gay and DepressedER.

Aside from some misspelled words, it's a solid, silly short storygame. Good job for a contest entry!

WHAT THE HECK!? I loved this. so goofy, romantic and tragic.

BRO JUST OWN YOUR GAYNESS WITHOUT BEING SENT 2 HELL PLS

Um...HUH? IM IN HELL??

***DISCLAIMER*** to the author, It should first be stated, that you should NOT take anything i say with a grain of salt. Everything i say i mean, and i mean it with my chest puffed out, so, take everything i say to heart. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.



CLEARLY this is a gag story. Despite this, I will give it a serious review from a written perspective.

“Today marks the two-year anniversary of your little sister's death. When she was only a high schooler, she came out of the closet as gay and told her crush this information as well. Long story short: things didn't go well with that relationship, and your sister died a very tragic death.”

I think it would have been nice to know what didn’t go well and how she died a tragic death. Maybe we will find out later, but I feel like that was a good spot to at least tell us how she died.

“You decide to come out to your Intro to Computer Information Systems class. Once you tell them, they all seem to take more interest in you. None of them have ever experienced any romantic encounters, so they'll take what they can get.”

Lol, +1 for the laugh.

“'Ah.' You look him over. His hair's stringy and blond, his eyes are rimmed with red, and he could stand to gain a few pounds. He could almost be the poster child for a heroin-addicted nerd.”

Sounds like the type of guy my sister is into. We’ll take what we can get.

The dialogue is awkward but reminds me that a lot of people actually act and speak like this. Lol, it's weirdly accurate.

“You both move to the back of the line and wait for your turn. Before long, though, a mugger in a black mask bursts through the door and demands that nobody moves a muscle!”

Lol, robbing a Wendy's? Epic.

“'Faggots! Get back here! I hate faggots!' the mugger shouts after you, shaking a clenched fist in the air. 'I kill your kind!'
Lmao

“'Fun while it lasted!' Dergo says as he continues to run for his life.”

Wtf, we should not have saved him.

“His face turns red, first from embarrassment, then anger. 'Hey, what's up with that? Thought you said you were gay, bro. Lying ain't cool.' He reaches into his backpack as you stand there stupidly. From the bag, he retrieves a gun!”

My gosh, he's a maniac. Seems like we either date a weirdo, or we just kill ourselves lol. I guess that's the destiny when it comes to the gay dating scene.

“She’s just like me with the cat-like eyes.”

“'Go to hell,' she says as you struggle for air.”

“Soon enough, that is exactly where you go. Your body goes limp in her arms as your soul travels to the underworld. We must be really desperate for substitute teachers, you think, as you descend.”

Lol, so random. It was funny though.

“Like every day, you stumble out of your bedroom with your head facing the floor, only lifting it briefly to take in the noose you always keep tied to your rickety ceiling fan.

Hello, old friend.

It seems to call to you... beckon you closer, into its loving embrace. Come... come...

Who are you to deny it? To withstand this obvious summons?

You give in, pulling up a chair and delicately slipping the loop over your head. Then, you topple the chair, making it so your weight is solely supported by the rope around your neck.

The air slowly leaves your lungs, and you begin to taste death on the tip of your tongue. The corners of your vision fade. Life seeps out of you, and you accept this fate as your own.

Alas, it is not to be. The ceiling fan tears out of the ceiling under your weight, and you tumble to the floor, your lungs expanding to take in air without your consent.”

I feel like this scene could have been enhanced if we got to see our physical struggle against the rope—maybe some gurgles, some scratching against the rope a few seconds. Instead of just telling, showing would have been more engaging to read. Same with the scene where we're actually successful in the act.

Overall Verdict:
Funny story! If it weren't funny, this story would be ass. The dialogue is pretty good when there is dialogue; it feels a bit cliché but also weirdly realistic for when people are in stroppy moods. Lol, I liked it. At times, there's a lack of vividness, both in scenes and descriptions of events. This can be seen at times by an overreliance on telling instead of showing. I’d say this story is realistically a 4-5 in rating, kept from the abyss due to its humour.

GAY

Wait so either you commit suicide, fail at committing suicide, get shot or your date gets shot on our first date and you are left with trama??

this is the best thing ever