Player Comments on Ocean's Story

cats don't know what fairies are

cats don't know what fairys are

I feel like this game could've been much more interactive on a lot of the pages, and you could've put more emphasis in the personality of the characters and getting to know them. It was okay, but could've been better with more choices.

:( The writing was bland. I got no feelings of emotion for any of the characters, and I found myself reading through pages only because I felt I needed to in case I accidentally died because of something I didn't know. This game could have been a lot more interesting. 2/8

Terrible, but better then your first 2.
2/8

Half the links you can't even click

pretty good but the grammer is everywhere. here is your random


8/8 !!!!

Worst. W=C. Roleplay. Ever.

um...cats don't know what fairies are and they don't exist. and there are hardly any choices.

Please don't write again. 1/8

Well it isn't... absolutely terrible. But needs some looking at and grammar check.

The story itself wasn't too bad, but the background could have been explained better.

Also if you are on a site called choose your story, people want to choose their story. Give people a choice.

what a nice story. i though it was Ocean (Sea) story

"(i wasn't sure who was leader when Moonflower was young)" Well if you can't be botherd to add to your story but instead just outright copy...then don't write a story.
At the end he mentions having 6 kits but only names 5...

The story was incredibly linear and simple. He fights a cat. "Oh you thought me well, come join us". You join them and live happily ever after....

You didn't even try to add choices. Almost all of the pages had ONE choice.

You're getting fairly better, though that still doesn't make this story any good. Read articles on how to write proper dialogue, and learn how to organize your paragraphs so that the readers can actually understand what you're writing. Also, proofread! It may be tiring but it's a step many inexperienced writers seem to ignore.
If you're genuinely trying to get better, use the advice given to you in the comments section to help improve your writing. If you can't handle constructive criticism, then you might as well stop writing now.

Although this is better than some of your previous stories, you still need a liiiitle more effort. Also, I think you need to stop taking these nasty comments to heart. c: I think this was OK, compared to some things I've read.
Could I squeeze one more piece of advice in here? Although you are using capital letters and correct spelling of words, if I could give you any advice, I would say make sure that whenever someone new is talking, start a new paragraph. c; Like:
"Kayla, please don't leave!"
"I have to, Graham. It's the only way to save you all,"
"There has to be another way! Somehow we could-"
"No, Graham. This is the only way. Goodbye."
Graham paused, sadness engulfing him. "G-goodbye, Kayla."

Before, you were doing:
"Kayla, please don't leave!" "I have to, Graham. It's the only way to save you all," "There has to be another way! Somehow we could-" "No, Graham. This is the only way. Goodbye." Graham paused, sadness engulfing him. "G-goodbye, Kayla."

It just looks better, and is less confusing. c: I hope this comment isn't toooo confusing! xP
You are getting better! <3

Now that was just mean.... i'm going to save animals lives and your going to kill them? Well i'm not the sick one! Your a horrible monster! How would you like it if someone came up to you and said "HEY I'M GONNA KILL YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS!"
Thats what i feel like right now....

Yes, You can kick him out of your zoo. I will plant a bomb in your zoo, and murder your animals. I will also kill all your fans, your porn cats.

Big sad face :( im gonna be famous one day and if you come to my zoo i will automatically have you kicked out, jihuli whatever your stupid name is

Your first one was about cats. Your second one was about cats. This one is about cats...I'm starting to notice a pattern here.

I will say that your grammar has improved since the first two stories, and this one didn't end in cat sex. However, when you end a story, you should probably put SOMETHING on the last page. Not once in any of your stories do you ever give ANY indication that the story is over/ending which can be greatly frustrating to any reader.

Lastly, you need to work on your storytelling skills. Your stories never have any plot to them. Next time, before you begin to make a story, you should do the whole "who, what, when, where, why" thing. So I'm glad to see you improving somewhat, but this is far from being a decent storygame.

Criteria for a bad game.
1: Three-four links and its over
2: About cats
3: About cats and terrible
4: About cats that talk and use -paw- and shit as a last name, they are cats, not sentient creatures. Put this under fan fiction unless your going to be creative.
5: Terrible in general.
6: Rail you on the same path no matter what.
All of these things.
All of them.
Are in this story.

Well it didn't have folds in it. Yey! ^_^

I'm proud of it