Player Comments on Pitcher: Villain stories

Very short and very boring. It could benefit from more description and background.

Uh oh...
Short, boring, and lackluster. That sums this story up. Each page was one sentence long, there was little description of what was even happening, and the choices didn't really make any sense.

This story wasn't well written, in fact I'd say it was quite the opposite. Each page was just one sentence long. And even with such a small amount of text, you couldn't bother to proofread it. There was nothing interesting about it, nothing that would make me want to read it again to find the other endings. It was just a waste of a few minutes that I got a point for. You put in even less effort than the other 2 people that published their stories alongside yours. Write something of decent length and quality, or just don't write at all. Read instead, books exist. They're much longer and more enjoyable than this pile of trash.

The font size, lack of proper grammar, capitalization, and punctuation, as well as the fact that there is literally only one or two sentences per page and an incoherent plot make this a chore to read. 1/8

My apologies for the <br> tags in the previous comment ^_^

There are a lot of issues with this one.
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First there is the structure of it. Every page has one to to sentences, where no real scene takes place. There is missing capitalization everywhere, including but not limited to the main antagonist's name. Text is bold and large so as to take up more of the page, but his does nothing to actually change the content (or lack thereof).
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As for the story itself, the one-sentence-at-a-time structure leaves it choppy and rather confusing. The story opens with the protagonist being attacked, offering no apparent reason for this. It seems that you already recognize the "Pitcher," but we are given no backstory or context for anything that happens. Later I am given the choice to wait for him and ambush him with my group of villains, which I was previously unaware that I had. Overall, the story feels unfinished.
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To be fair, it is difficult to tell a good story in 500 words. My main advice here would be to elaborate on everything. Give more detail to the characters and the story, and make the choices make sense with the situations. Villain vs. Villain is an interesting concept when done correctly, and I would enjoy reading a fuller version of this story in the future.