Player Comments on Pokemon Adventure: The Story of Ash Ketchum (Part 1)

The idea behind this could prove very popular, thinking about it Pokémon is an excellent subject for a story-game (there are even Items you can use in both!). The grammar is a bit poor in places and the descriptions can use some spicing up, though in some places it's a bit strange (if I was Ash I probably wouldn't refer to my mum as Mrs Delia Ketchum). Still a concept with massive potential if you work on it, I imagine working out a pokemon battle system could be a bit fiddly/exhausting though.

This story was extremely linear and, in my opinion, doesn't deserve any more parts. Instead you should focus on continuing this one, since it isn't much of a story. Also, I was dissapointed by the fact that you couldn't use your items; why give items if the author makes the call anyway?

Your writing could also use some work, specifically during dialogue. Like James mentioned below, you start a new paragragh when there's a change of SPEAKER.

So instead of -

"Want to fight Pokemon?" Ash asks Gary. "Sure thing, dude," Gary responds.

It is -

"Want to fight Pokemon?" Ask asks Gary.

"Sure thing, dude," Gary responds.

This way the writing isn't so bumpy and is more organized.

It's fine... It shows potential but needs to be much much more longer. Also, WHERE IS ASH'S PIKACHU?! STARTER POKEMON DON'T WORK THAT WAY (seriously, in the anime, Ash wakes up late and ends up with Pikachu, also Starters don't come fully evolved).
It's grammar is fine, some mistakes here and there, but it's not very noticeable. Som occasional punctuation errors.
I give it a 4/8 for effort and keeping me amused for five or so minutes. Good job.

eh

Extremely short, extremely linear. None of the items matter, the game doesn't bother to check for them. I can lie about which ones I took or take none at all and the outcome doesn't change.

Punctuation issues too, but these are hardly worth mentioning in the face of the other problems. I have no idea why this was a 'part one' when it was over so quickly. And seeing how it's been a couple years since the author logged in, somehow I doubt we'll be seeing a part two.

love it

well um this was very Intresting and fun I think everyone should play it

cool

Really? It's supposed to be Charmander, Bulbasaur, and Squirtle. The battle only lets you use scratch, and the battle has no detail and it's way to easy and short. I've seen better, and that one was bad too.

A lot of bad grammer. Sorry also way to short

It was good up until the battle. Then it got unbelievable. Like, one table attack won't knock out a venusaur!

Needs some work, especially with the whole Charizard/Blastoise thing. It should be Charmander and Squirtle. But I can't pass up a good Pokémon adventure, so thanks for that :)

It has potential

7.8/10 Too much water

Pretty good. I snuck Blastoise into my inventory >:3

i found those items amazing...

give the player what the game has at the start... don't make delay cause they'll judge your game and leave...

also one more thing no bulbasaur?

You start with your Pokemon evolved and one shot the enemy Pokemon with scratch (yes that what happens in the movie(

Nice Idea, but a couple problems...

What happened to Bulbasaur?
Starters should be at first stage with only two moves,damage-dealing, and stat-lowering.
There aren't that many choices
IT WAS WAY TOO SHORT

Thanks

I think that it was a little too short, and that maybe you shouldn't have changed up the pokemon so much. You're supposed to start with level 1 pokemon, not fully evolved ones.

Firstly, do not serialize your games. Make your game a complete story that can stand by itself. Secondly, when using dialogue, start a new paragraph when the speaker changes. Finally, don't put both pokemon on one page when you expect the player to only grab one. Granted, you managed to prevent cheating, but it really makes things look funky.

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!!!!