Player Comments on Science Fiction PRoject

This didn't have any plot, and it was too short for my liking. But parts of it were very funny and I liked those parts the most. But seriously though, this was kind of random. In summary, I liked some funny parts, but some of the choices were pretty much luck, and it doesn't count as "choices". And that's exactly why CYS can help you, you can sharpen your skills as a writer. I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories! :D (Also please choose your tags carefully, it can be misleading if you choose ones that don't fit the story)

Wtf is this, random identical options in a CYS game?
1/8 Garbage

Free point :)
This literally made me log in though I am in hiatus to rate it a 1/8 so good job I guess!

Okay, take... MY FIRST EVER 1/8 RATING!

Trash. Trash. Trash. Delete the game and ditch the "writer" who wrote this trash.

But thanks for the free point!

(FYI: This review took longer to write than the story did.)

Ah, two phrases on the initial page that make you go, “Hmmm:” “random” and “for…class.” Random stories can be okay, but in general, they’re not going to be. No one likes clicking on links with no idea what’s going to happen next. Well, okay, some people do, but the vast majority of people here that read stories don’t want to just randomly click to see what’s going to happen next. Anyway, on to the story.

On the very first page, I can click a link and the story is over. That’s not even good lolrandom writing there. Why would you do that? What is that supposed to show or illustrate? Did you laugh when you wrote it? Did you laugh again when you did it over and over again? Seriously, there’s no need for that and no one likes it. Of course, it’s even worse that the link has the same title as the other link. That’s extra-needlessly confusing.

What does making breakfast have to do with a baseball bat? It’s bad enough that you didn’t bother to change the default image for the bat (which is really quite easy to do if you spend a tiny bit of time on it), but to just place it there for no reason? Why? It would be 100% better if you even just mentioned that the bat is there! Your entire first page could be expanded by 1,000 words or so with a description of the room and in that description you could mention the bat and perhaps even give a reason that the reader might want to pick up the bat. And it looks like you’re not sure how to work with items at all because using the bat takes me back to the first page. Why? I don’t know.

After the first “page,” there’s not a lot going on. Why did you have 3 pages in a row that have no choices? The pages are very short and lacking in description completely. There are so many things happening that you could mention here: sounds, sights, colors, odors, and more that are happening. Instead, we get a few links with a link to the next page: and one even is named “Next Page.” That’s just really sloppy and the sign of a lazy writer.

I’m not sure why this is in the “Fantasy Adventure” category, or what this has to do with science fiction, either. I’m glad you found this site and tried to use it for your class. I do like to see authors learn new things and writing a CYOA is very different and can be quite difficult. That said, I think the only way I would personally give this a passing grade is if the assignment was, “Crap on the floor. Pick it up and rub it on some paper. Proofread and edit. Turn the assignment in.”

I came into this with the idea that it would be at the same level as my own ones that got deleted.

This was somehow worse.
On the first page, there are two links that look exactly the same, even though one of them just kills you, with no choice in the matter whatsoever.
There are only 5 or 6 pages, and the second choice with two identical links takes you to the same page, so there's a lack of consistency. Not to mention that the baseball bat has no purpose other than taking you back to the start, which you can do in one click anyway because of the first-page death link. There's no use for the hammer anyway.
The only thing I liked was - wait, I didn't like anything.
There were no noticeable grammar mistakes, but that still doesn't make up for the shortness and utter crap this story is.
1/8.