Player Comments on The Dark, Smelly, Fatal Prison

Accidentally deleted my last comment before I could submit, but here it is again:

Considering this was written by kids it’s absolutely amazing and definitely should be rated higher. I’m assuming a different kid wrote each section because the writing style changes a bit from page to page. This review will contain spoilers.

Positives:
-Considering it has relatively few choices, this story has an amazing amount of different things you can do: going into weird portals, taking ‘dust’ (the kid misspelled ‘drugs’ for sure) to see the future and using a teleportation knife.
-The story is actually incredibly fun to read, and when I died I felt like I deserved it/had been tricked (especially the bit with the portal, very cool!)
-Prison breaks are a simple premise which translate well to the story game genre. This one was much more fantasy based, but seems to take place on earth?
-From playing a lot of bloodborne I caught a Lovecraft reference, this was super cute

Negatives:
-None really. This is teaching kids to write and I think we can all appreciate that. Obviously the grammar is a little off at times and the phrasing can be strange (a bit about a ‘strange Indian’ comes to mind) but overall it’s pretty good (and likely better than mine).

Essentially if you like a bit of wholesome kid logic and magic with your prison escapes this ones for you!

What a stellar idea for a writing contest! Good job, kids!

I thought the description of the prison was good, but the plot went very downhill. Many endings did not make much sense to me. But these are very promising writers, keep at it.

Alright this was a lot shorter than the other entry so not a lot to say about it given that the plot was much more bare with not a lot to go for it.

Some more spelling mistakes than the last one but not enough to make it unreadable.

Still was a decent effort by the writer and with more practice I'm sure there will be some good stories to come from them in the future as they get older.

No. I fail to see why this is rated a 3, really.

The plot was fairly engaging, branching is present, and the minor grammatical mistakes are justified by the fact that they are ELL's.

In fact, these kids surpassed my expectations, I expected something shorter, perhaps more grammatical errors, and I was dead wrong. I mean, I've seen stories less cohesive and immersive from people many years older.

Good job to you all, tell them they did great :)

It is a funny game for writing. It could be more funny if there would be turn around when pass to next author to continue. Sometime they want to quickly to an ending.

There's more plot than I expected here, this should've been rated higher.

I thought it was a modern setting at first but there's all this stuff about magic. I got the ending where they burst into flames, very hardcore. The kids on both these stories did great.