Player Comments on The Lord of The Rings: The Sundered Kingdom

Review 10 - Lord of the rings fanfic

I rather didn't want to say this, but this is the first story of the Brony that genuinely like. Sadly enough, I'm horrible at these kinds of storygames and am terrible at puzzles (this game has a lot of it), so I wasn't able to get the entire plot. The main difficulty I have is setting off one of the endings. The game was pretty vague on how to achieve it. I believe that the game wants me to either convince the hobbits or convince the elves. So be aware, my review only scratches the surface level of this story game.

Game mechanics part 1: Day, Midday and Night
Very clever way to set tension in the game. You as a ranger are tasked to get help to save your home country and home town Fornost from doom. So you need an army and you need it fast. Every time a new day comes, you get an update how ravaged the lands are and how much progress they made into conquering large swats of land. It did make the reader feel as if they are on limited time. The game however is very kind to you though since there is plenty of room and time to eplore every nook and cranny.

One thing that is also fun with this mechanic is that the descriptions do change depending on whether it is day or night. It is a detail that isn't very necessary, but I did notice it and it made the game even more enjoyable. I also regularly got encounters with trolls during the night. Yes, it is a real thing that can happen if you travel during the night and I was very much surprised that the warning the game gave me wasn't flavor text. The fact that you also lose items during that encounter really makes each meeting with them sting.

One slight critique or bug is that when I want to go to the shire (a two day travel), the game wouldn't let me unless I click twice. It also often happened to me that whenever a new day comes along with a new announcement on the orc army whereabouts, that the choice I tried to make just before was undone. It's a bit annoying, but I don' think that these two things are very easy to fix.

Game mechanics part 2: The Items and battles
I'm so glad that you forwent the character stat menu. I'm so glad for it. Using the items felt less buggy than constantly trying to spam random abilities I got assigned in your previous games that didn't impact the story at all. I was also pleasantly surprised that there were multiple solutions to deal with things.
For example to deal with hillmen you could use a silver ring of power or one of the decoys you've been given in the beginning of the game.

Game mechanics part 3: The open world and locations
The prose really got better. I like it this time and it is a lot more readable even though I saw that you tried to write it a bit more formal than usual. The characters speak in a way that is not too overly modern while still retaining clearity, which is something that I always appreciate. One thing that I also saw as so charming is that you made every little inn unique. It's amazing, I noticed it. Like one inn has a little poem, each one has an unique name with an unique innkeeper. You could have just copy pasted the same inn, but you didn't and it made the world feel richer as result. Also that you could encounter a painter in the shires and also one in Rivendell heheh, or the little shops that don't really matter for the plot, but you could finish it anyways.

There were also tons of small character moments that I liked. For example your encounter with the dwarf and your little conversation with a hobbit in the woods where he was referencing the Baggins family. I don't know a lot about the lore of middle earth, but the moment the hobbit mentioned that the Baggins family was considered influential and almost like Hobbit nobility, I am convinced that you have done your research. The environment descriptions were vivid, so vivid in fact that I didn't have a lot of trouble navigating through the game map. (The land surrounding the shire was the most difficult one to navigate, mainly due to the amount of locations). I'm very glad though that you also included a map. The map helped me too!

Some bugs were again found by me, which is kinda expected considering that this is a very script heavy game. The main one is that you can set off the encounter with the hillmen twice in the same playthrough. On the second encounter they acted as if they didn't know my ranger, even though we had met before. Then some locations were locked after I left, even though I could clearly read through the hints that I ought to come back with an item one day. This happened when I tried to explore the ruins for the second time and when I tried to help a lad with his theater show in Fornost.

Plot: Character
One big disadvantage for an open world game is that it is extremely difficult to make the readers care about the characters. Most of the people you encounter remain stationary and tied to their location. If some join you in your adventure, then that means a lot more work for the author. Sometimes adding these kind of features is just not feasible especially when it is a solo hobby project. I myself also had a lot of difficulties how to integrate characterization with the open nature aspects of some of my story games. So I will not be harsh about the fact that most characters feel a bit one note, since there were so many and since the world was also very big. I do think that there is some untapped potential with the main character, the ranger, to have him have a more interesting personality.

In the current game he is a little bit of a bland slate. This isn't much of a problem. Tons of open world games have it, but I think that the banters with the NPC's and the battles would be a little bit more fun if he for example had a little bit of a temper or some kind of hatred towards a certain race etc. Due to the open world nature, I don't expect him to undergo character development, but adding more flavor in the ranger's personality goes a long way, I think. Still, it is more a creative suggestion.

Take this with a grain of salt, since your story had a higher rating than the duke of winslow and you have written plenty of games yourself.
Here are some ideas to integrate character development and characterization in open world story games.
- Have characters in certain locations remember you visiting them (Just replacing the flavor text).
- Have some characters know which character came in contact with you (opening new dialogue options)
- Have some characters react to you differently based on a previous decision you made. (Killing their family member in front of their door makes them hostile to you)
- Have the environment descriptions change with the changed viewpoint of the protagonist. Especially with an unreliable narrator, the environment descriptions are as much of a reflection of their worldview as it is setting dressing. A tourist would have a whole different idea of New York than a native New Yorker for example. (This is one way to show character development in the protagonist hehehhe)

Anyway, great story, had tons of fun reading it and I could see that you listened to the feedback! Would recommend people reading it.

You know what, I do really like this.

Simplifying combat to just different solutions (bow, sword, decoy) is so much better than clicking attack ten times in a row. It plays to the strengths of the medium, since you can have different descriptions. I wonder if some combats have better or worse outcomes depending on approach.

Same goes for the 'leveling' being finding items. I found a pretty cool sword in the lands of the hobbits!

Having hp be hope is also something I like; it is thematic! When I used the potion given to me by the elves to help clear the dudes mind I felt like a genius (even if it is a simple puzzle). I wonder if there are some more convoluted puzzles about.

I did find some where you have to come back when you have the appropriate item. Good!

The various painters reminded me of Elden Ring, but as I felt it would've been rude to ask for the elf's painting, I didn't have it to try and show to another. Maybe it wouldn't have done anything, but it would've likely been a key item for something (all this assuming he even lets you borrow it in the first place, he might not).

Getting to the three mirrors early, I was dreading long exposition, but the visions were concise! That last mirror actually built intrigue. The descriptions elsewhere also don't overstay their welcome. Overall, I'm confident in saying that the tone was well-handled too!

Seeing names I recognise was fun even if I'm not very familiar with the lore.

I will say, taking the long way back to Rivendell causing a repeat (meeting ranger captain, the hillman, another chance to kill the wolf, etc.) could probably be blocked off with scripting. But once you start putting in restrictions you also increase the likelihood of a mistake breaking something.

Seeing as I didn't notice any scripting issues, perhaps it is better to leave it open like this, and trust the reader to recognise when they're repeating choices. Still, I'm going to mention it as something for consideration.

I would need to click around more before I feel confident judging some things like (like if the hobbit lands are too big, even if I liked the places) -- but I can see how if you get 'lost' you might just end up moving in circles. Maybe having some sort of objective hint on the map item?

Currently you mention "when you have gathered all the aid [rest of text]", but if maybe below that you had a summary of the major things you need to do to trigger the end, it could help.

i.e., Seek aid from the elves, -- IN/COMPLETE
Seek aid from the hobbits, -- IN/COMPLETE etc.

Just to help knowing what directions to head in. Or is the ending triggered by a timer? I don't know, but as is, this is just a minor suggestion -- I don't think it is necessary to add or anything -- but think about it! You know how the story functions underneath the hood (it could be a pain to put in, in which case probably not worth, but maybe for future projects?).

I like how the day/night system played out with the troll encounter -- stalling for time. I didn't pay enough attention to tell if you force us to meet them at a certain time, or if you could potentially game the system by arriving at a certain hour.

Either way, it was neat. Funnily enough the day/night system also reminded me of Elden Ring.

I expect to come back to this to 'borrow' some ideas later -- and explore it more -- because open world storygames are a tough thing to realise, but this seems to have been a success. I need to try to break it more before I state that with more confidence tho, what if I just found a really good path? Then again, from the extra clicking I done, it seems the quality doesn't dip.

I had fun with this. Great work finishing something of this scope! A grand addition to the fan fiction section and the site too!

Final Rating 8/8!
Initial thoughts: Where the fuck are all the reviews?!?!

***Spoilers***

Holy shit. This is by far one of the best storygames in the fanfiction category so far! The writing was beautifully done and very LOTR-esque. No one can truly emulate Tolkien's writing style completely, but this was fantastic. The words and dialogue flowed in a way that just made it perfectly coherent and enjoyable. The prose was a bit wordy at times but never unnecessarily. Every word had a purpose to being there, whether to add flavor and description or to dish out the beautifully thought out lore.

The plot was extremely interesting as well. It had me hooked throughout the entire story up till the ending, which is all any reader could ever ask for. The whole thing is based around being a ranger. I. LOVE. RANGERS. They have potential to be some of the coolest protagonists in my opinion. Using a more passed over group in the ultimate scheme of the lore in a period that doesn't really cover many major events, you freed up your story to do basically whatever you want in the setting. You used this excellently. You wrote the characters excellently too. Even the minor characters, like the dwarf in the forested area near Bree, feel thought out. The overall story feels really well thought out. Of course, I did rush through a little bit instead of preparing or anything so I found an ending where my character rushes into an orc encampment and dies like a dumbass, and I enjoyed that too.

The mechanics outside of the writing were good too. The use of variables was great, the time element and the time of day threw me off a bit, but as soon as I realized I was looking at the hour and not a timer to get something done I got the hang of it pretty quick.

The grammar was all good too. I didn't see anything misspelled or out of place. The spacing and everything was consistent. Nothing to comment about really.

Overall fantastic work. I hope that more people get off their asses soon and rate this story highly like it deserves. There are so many people that are probably procrastinating the latest contest as I type this that could be reading and rating right now instead of whatever else they are doing. I'm definitely going to spend more time reading through this.

That was an epic journey through the northern lands of Middle Earth. For one who's read many of Tolkien's stories, it was enjoyable and challenging too. Much kudos to the writer!
If this is a review, then I could mention a point or two where improvements could be made, mostly in the footling details such as "I don't need to put a capital after my speech", he said; but such pedantry would not be an honourable end to such a tale nor a review.
Of course we would all love to see more! We want to journey through the Misty Mountains, we want to pass through the gates of Gondor's mighty city, and we want to journey even into the Utmost West. But therein lie unending quests for the noble hearts who have read this far.

This game is amazing. I haven't usually comcommented on games on here before, so I apologize if I'm not very good at it, but I liked everything about this game. The pros, the way in which you can explore different areas of middle Earth, even if that exploration isn't necessarily relevant to the plot of the game. I couldn't figure out how to end the game for a while because the game was lacking in definite goals, but, in some ways, that works to its advantage because it somehow seemed more real that way. Have always liked the lord of the rings books and the hobbit as well, but never really managed to explore Tolkien's other works, so this game gave me more history of Middle Earth which I wasn't aware of, which was also nice.
Great game, 5 stars for me.

That was very fun :D I think you caught the atmosphere of Lord of the Rings very well and as far as I could see it was very faithful to the books. You use the game mechanics in a very clever way, especially your use of the map and items but also with the variables as well. Much of the time I can't seem to use my weapons to fight certain creatures and just had to wait for day or night to get past them.

It was fun wandering around Middle Earth, particularly the Shire, and looking for weapons. For those not very immersed in Middle Earth knowledge it was a bit challenging and prose-heavy at times (obviously this is for Lord of the Rings fans) but there was enough beauty in the settings and descriptions to keep me entertained.

I found the lack of definite objectives a bit troubling after a while, I basically seemed to be wandering around looking for weapons and learning about the land and the history and stuff but I think I'll need to play through it a bit more to really get the full benefits of everything. From what I saw though this is exceptionally well-written, well-designed and very faithful to the originals, a great story :D