Player Comments on The Monster near the Village

This story first came across to me at first as light-hearted and easy-going but as I kept reading, I found that there was a lot more to it.

There was a lot of nice description throughout the story, and was clear the author has a good grasp of how to write well. I liked these descriptions and felt like they could’ve been implemented a bit more throughout the story, as the ‘what makes us so bad?’ path felt particularly lacking in that aspect.

I really liked how the monster spoke in rhymes and thought it added something unique to the story. It also added to the sort of special feeling the monster had, as the monster was the only one in the story who had dialogue done like that since dialogue from the mother and protagonist etc were normal. (…. although the author could benefit from punctuating properly when breaking up talking- e.g “Koletis!" you heaved in between breaths{,} "It's not safe here for you! People are looking for you! You have to leave!"- see the comma there!).

It was short, but I wouldn’t really say it is too short. There was enough writing before every ending to make a fully fleshed story, no matter which choices were made. However, I did feel that some branches were significantly more well-written and detailed than the others but suspect that to be down to coming back to the story after a long period of time.

I did find it a little bit weird how one choice led to the character lying in a pool of blood and… enjoying it? That just kind of came across weird. I don’t think anyone would really enjoy snow-angel-ing in blood, unless they’re some sort of psychopath. The character in the story was definitely not a psychopath, so it was a bit odd.
I also did think the jumping off the cliff ending was perhaps a bit much. I get that what led up to that was really upsetting for the main character, but ending on a suicide, particularly a cliff suicide, is a little bit overdone around these parts.

The branching style used in this story was my favourite and meant that I could keep reading through it without experiencing any repetition and I could keep finding new paths. My favourite branches where when the protagonist befriends the monster (and they both survive!). It was just cute and heart-warming that the protagonist found a friend in the monster and his initial violent plans were forgotten due to the friendship that is developed.

Overall, a good read. It was nice, simple story that I found was easy to read through without any difficulty or confusion, with a variety of endings and branches.

The more friendy endings were definitely the better-written ones. Overall, the writing was decent, the highlight being the poignancy of those aforementioned friendy endings. This story has quite a bit of room for further development, from the backstory of the monster and how it had evaded being killed all these years to the identity of the two little girls (why did they smell weird?) and the protagonist’s relationship with his mom. With the story saying so little about the fate of the father for so long, I was hoping that the monster would actually turn out to be his father that was somehow turned into the monster via magic, and it would turn back into its human form only after the protagonist slayed him. Overall, a decent shorter story, my preference for story length.

Was surprised at the ending it was kind of a no ending. I expected the monster to change.

I honestly didn't expect much, but this was just such a sweet story.

Overall, this story was a gigantic success. It was tragic and really let you inside the characters head. There were plenty of options that drastically changed the story’s plot.
I only found three problems-
1.I didn’t choose to jump of a cliff. It would have been great if I could’ve chosen that.
2. It was either leave my mother or kill her. Forgiveness is always a choice.
3. Just a few grammar mistake, mostly typos I’m sure.

I’d like you to know this is only the third story out of all that I’ve read that I’m giving an 8/8. The others were the Knight Order of the Golden Sun and Inepta Academy. For the whole “monster-killing, traditional fantasy” theme, this is the best CYS I’ve read. Congrats!!

A well written story. The author messed up a few times with past and present tense at the beginning but it's a well thought out and written story.

I liked this story with how the author wanted to convey a bit more thoughtful feeling than most here. The fact that the choices actually branched helped too. While I did notice a few grammar errors, it didn't detract from the story itself.

Not bad, for a short bit of diversionary reading. The biggest flaw I noticed were the constant shifts between present tense and past tense. Some of the rhymes seemed a little forced, but overall this was an interesting little tale.