Player Comments on What If...

Maybe next time spend more than three days on a story. There are several grammatical and logical errors, but you might be able to make this a decent story, as the concept is good. Again, just more time working on it would be better, it feels like you threw this together in an afternoon.

I saw a lot of dialogue errors in this game (mostly not a new paragraph for a new speaker). Also this would have been better if it was a little longer.
I do like the concept however. Maybe you can re-make this game to a better extent?

It's interesting.

I do like the concept of fairy tale monsters coming to life and having to fight them.

It was also kind of cool how we could either pick a fairy or an ogre based on the t-shirt we pick.

I would definetly take this down and revise it. Not because it's a bad story, per se, but more so because there are many cool things you can add on top of it.

Also, you might want to spread your text out as opposed to just putting it all in one large paragraph. I would also work on dialogue, pacing, and designing a scene.

There are some articles in the sidebar that I would highly encourage you to read. They explain the basics of storytelling/writing, and I think these articles will help you take your work to the next level.

Thank you for sharing this story with the community.

Poor, poor ogre

Come back to the site when you're older.

It's weird writing a comment on my own story! So I won't give anything away :).