Player Comments on Ylva's Prison Arc Pt. 1

Surprisingly competent considering that, like others have said, you probably didn't spend a whole lot of time on this (if "part 1" isn't an indication in of itself).

It probably helps that your premise naturally leads to tense but believable choices to be made as the story progresses. I've come to notice these "escape the house or die" plots tend to go well for that reason.

But yeah, this could probably use more work if you want it to really stand out. Like Mizal said, having to randomly roll a dice unprompted does make it seem like this was made for your friends rather than an online audience.

5/8...realistically this should be a 4 but I guess I feel generous with this one! ;) (either that or I'm bored/had fun with your story despite its short comings! lol :P)

DM me if you want a more in depth review for whatever reason!

Cheers! :D

I strongly suggest to unpublish this piece, remove redundant descriptions, fix the grammar and actually let the player understand the basic plot.

Was this meant to be made publicly available, or did you just write it for your gaming group?

The writing itself is pretty solid both in the way the scenes flow and the technical aspects (looking out the door would be peeking not peaking, but that's the only error I noticed), and dialogue is good.

The branching would be the weak point, all endings are essentially identical and even the earlier choices loop and fold into each other at times.

But "part 1s" are usually not loved here, instead of 4000 words that don't go anywhere why not a complete story?

I don't know. I just seem to keep dying no matter what I pick, maybe I'm just not clicking down the correct routes? Story difficulty definitely isn't a walk in the park though, lol.

Honestly its a story with a very small scope, its just about a werewolf trying to escape imprisonment (and seemingly always failing!) but id like to say its definitely not poorly written.

I didn't really like the whole number picking aspect of the story, it felt redundant. It's well written, its just lacks depth, character and scope, fix those issues and you have a legitimately good story.

Keep it up! I Could definitely see you making a story genuinely enjoyable to read, if you allow yourself some more breathing room.