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How is my story going?

5 years ago

Hello everybody, this is the second post that I have created about my story game. I simply posted this because I want people to go to my profile page, read the story titled: The Wild Wild West 2.0, that is all I have called it for now but meh. Please read it, then tell me what you think about it and what I can improve in it. Thanks!

-Rattler

How is my story going?

5 years ago
Here's the link for convenience: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/wild-wild-west-2~2e0

Obviously a lot more effort put into this one so far, but I'd really caution you not to go overboard with the thesaurus. It's better to have your meaning be clear than to pepper a sentence with a bunch of flowers words, especially since it looks like you might not be entirely clear on the purpose and usage of some of them.

This whole first paragraph for instance:

You are drifting in a silent and unobtrusive manner, through a repetitive and ceaseless warp of time in life. Never being able to distinguish whether or not you can prevail it, you no longer undertake the opportunities that you are inclined to. You are never anguished about the effect of not endeavouring, and you yearn over living a luxurious life. But you now know that this is preposterous, due to your erudition of life's leniency.

....is a lot to wade through, but at the same time it doesn't really tell us anything important. It could be removed entirely and the story would be better off for it. And then just a bit later there's a big paragraph describing every detail of getting out of bed and getting dressed that could be trimmed down quite a bit. An important part of writing is in finding a good balance between detail and exposition and action, but the overall idea is to let the reader know just what they need to know to understand the setting and characters and plot clearly as the story unfolds; too little is confusing and too much is distracting.

I'm still planning to review your first story and I'll take a close look at what you've got here too. You definitely have the natural talent to tell a great story, there's just a lot of areas that'll be improved with practice and experience as you get older.

I'm curious what it is that got you interested in western stories in the first place?

How is my story going?

5 years ago

Thanks! I may be familiar with writing, but I am still quite a newbie with the technical stuff... How did you find that link?

Oh, you asked me a question on why I got interested in western stories in the first place...

Well, at a reasonably young age, I started to learn the guitar, my dad taught me "The House Of The Rising Sun" When I was 6, I really liked the guitar and decided to continue with it. Then, my father introduced me to the first western movie, The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. I was hooked by the theme and especially the music, so at school shortly after, I asked my guitar teacher to teach me westerns, but he didn't do a very good job and his westerns were a bit too lenient to rock for my liking. And then I found Flamenco, a Spanish music type and I decided that I loved it, it was similar enough to western music for me. I found a new guitar teacher that was willing to teach it and I have been learning from him for the past few years now. I got interested in western movies and books, and now I've gotten interested in writing westerns.

How is my story going?

5 years ago


You have a cool dad.

Have you ever read any Louis L'Amour books? (I know I suggested Lonesome Dove in the other thread, but I didn't realize your age at the time. It's still a fantastic book but...maybe when you're older lol. L'Amour's stuff is still pretty solid even if he's written so many books there are some that feel a little more phoned in for a paycheck than others...)

And the URL is always just the title with a few special characters for pages and the like. Next time just right click and copy the link and post it here, as long as you have it in sneak peek (it's set to that by default when you create it) people can access and read it. And they kind of have to do that to give advice on it.