Here's the link for convenience:
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/wild-wild-west-2~2e0
Obviously a lot more effort put into this one so far, but I'd really caution you not to go overboard with the thesaurus. It's better to have your meaning be clear than to pepper a sentence with a bunch of flowers words, especially since it looks like you might not be entirely clear on the purpose and usage of some of them.
This whole first paragraph for instance:
You are drifting in a silent and unobtrusive manner, through a repetitive and ceaseless warp of time in life. Never being able to distinguish whether or not you can prevail it, you no longer undertake the opportunities that you are inclined to. You are never anguished about the effect of not endeavouring, and you yearn over living a luxurious life. But you now know that this is preposterous, due to your erudition of life's leniency.
....is a lot to wade through, but at the same time it doesn't really tell us anything important. It could be removed entirely and the story would be better off for it. And then just a bit later there's a big paragraph describing every detail of getting out of bed and getting dressed that could be trimmed down quite a bit. An important part of writing is in finding a good balance between detail and exposition and action, but the overall idea is to let the reader know just what they need to know to understand the setting and characters and plot clearly as the story unfolds; too little is confusing and too much is distracting.
I'm still planning to review your first story and I'll take a close look at what you've got here too. You definitely have the natural talent to tell a great story, there's just a lot of areas that'll be improved with practice and experience as you get older.
I'm curious what it is that got you interested in western stories in the first place?