Player Comments on My UNUSUAL Day

This story has a nice premise and potential. The little pictures were also nice. But yes, the grammar really needs work. While sentence fragments can word as a literary technique, only in certain times, certain places, and with intention. I saw more than a couple sentence fragments and they really interrupt the reading of the story.

Nice to know that you get to be popular by being able to beat up and entire gang of sixth-grade girls. Am I a girl? I’m thinking that I am, but that was never quite clear in the story, was it? But hey, at least the girls made a second appearance with knives. Wait, where is this middle school that has knife-wielding girl gangs? I mean sure, in a high school you’d expect that, but in middle school? Well, I guess its good that they actually got banned from the school when I tattled like a little girl – oh wait, does that mean I AM a little girl in this story?

Part two was really weird. I went from my first day of school getting the girl gang banned to suddenly it being summer and being stalked by the armed gang in disguise. And oh, the gang is led by the math teacher! What insanity is this? This school is really starting to scare me. But at least my boyfriend rescued me. Wait, I have a boyfriend?

So cute story, I guess, with a lot of potential, but it really could be developed quite a bit more to flesh out the happenings and the characters. Perhaps you can find someone here that would help you with the editing as well, if you post snippets in forums, you can often find people that will help you correct your English. Thanks for sharing this with the site.

It's hilarious that at an elementary school there's a group of girls who jump new students at the first opportunity to murder them with knives, and I guess no one ever noticed and caught on.

Unfortunately the rest of this was pretty low quality, the ravings of IlliterateFangirl69 aside.

Passages like this:

'You are starting your first day of school. You have just arrive at school, and is making a dash for your class. You made it in time. Your teacher introduce you and went straight to teaching.'

...are just pretty cringeworthy all around, as far as grammar goes. The author seems to have been very young (at the time they published this...ten years ago, wow), so the hope is they kept practicing and went on to write better things.

This story.. Has a few problems.

First of all, the grammar. Please fix it. Spelling is okay, but the grammar needs work.

The details. 'I don't want to explain, so let's get on with the story'? The problem is, you might not want to explain, but we want to hear your explanation. Even if you don't want to or don't feel like explaining things, it makes the story better! We want details too - Tell us about the main character, the boyfriend, and the girls that are bothering her. Tell us about the school. Details, please!

It's short. This could have been expanded much more than it was. Additionally, it could use more choices. As it is, it pushes the reader through the story, and people like choices.

The grammar was pretty bad but it had an ok story line. It would also be better if it was longer and easier to follow.

It good

I got the ending where me and my boyfriend send the girls to jail!! This is definitely unrealistic, but I still enjoyed it all the same!

This is simply a matter of no logic. How did they get knives? Also, there is NO chance of surviving the end.

It was good but boring cause it was so short

This game is extremely boring and short

Well. That was easy. I manged to beat up the girls. With my boyfriend. I got the best ending.

OMG I loved the second part it was so wonderful. Even though the teacher was a total dick

So awsome

nice! played part 2

Meh. Part 2 was slightly more interesting than part 1, but overall the story felt kinda random, unrealistic, and just not very interesting. 2/8.

I think it could be a bit longer, and maybe more story and details, but overall this is a great story. Keep up the good work

The story was brief and lacked detail

Just when I thought this shit couldn't get any worse, you threw Dragonball Z into the fuck blender. Don't insult Dragonball Z.

This Was BullSh**

Nice! :D

Two words : cute,awesome??????????

I'm going to defend the writer here

Everyone who talks about the mistakes are haters who wish that they could write as good. THIS STORY WAS FUCKING AWESOME AND YOU KNOW IT!!!

Very cool. I like the part when my boyfriend swoops in and saves me. SO ROMANTIC AND TRULY THE GRATEST ENDING EVAH!!!:))

It was okay

i guess it had a good meaning but it was not very detailed and was short

Great story

I got the greatest ending ever.

Meh. Too short.

it was great and a bit depessing...wait shouldnt that group be sent to jail for having blood on their shirts,blood on a knife and a body on the ground...

I liked the story, but how did the girls get into the school if they were kicked out of probably every school?

I always died.

why do the girls kill you

well i think its not too bad but the ending was so expected. and the good choices you should make were bad.

I got all the way to part 2. It was okay but I haven't reached year 6 so I didn't understand some stuff.

WORST STORY WITH HORRIBLE GRAMMAR!!!

EH pretty good :) But its kinda wierd that the girls come back so disguised i mean, ???

Great story! But, the only thing that killed it was the grammar. You'll one day grow up to be very successful.

that pre aldrebra was nasty I love it

I saw the ending coming, at it was very unrealistic. It had no grammar issues.

The age range said it was for all ages, but there was a button that said 'Kick all their a**es (without the stars)

much better

this was a veary unushiwal day and I got killed in school so yeah I am gonna replay until I live for a day.

well not the best, not the worst from a ladder of 1 to 5 you get 3

Stinks

I did not like this at all. The writing definatly needed improvement, and it needed MUCH more detail and choices. Do I have to have a boyfriend named Gohan?

unlike many of the other comments this book wasn't too terrible. i myself am a huge fan of anime and it was quite a cute little story. the book wasn't too difficult to read and it certainly wasn't the worst.
though i do wish you luck in improving your writing skills
Bye!! :)

That weird. Dont understand why a teacher would conspire about you. Too many anime refrences. Seriously you could beat up three girls and your boy friend cant... The person is named Gohan.... Srsly

Made no sense at all, Punctuation is terrible and it's not relatable.

The dead and killing part wasnt nice but good story (a little ) when I played again

did it three times and none of them were any better

too short and recess in middle school?

started to get interesting then it ended theres only like ten pages total

what a nightmare/dream this is....

Well, on the bad side the whole story is completely unrealistic and to be honest, kind of dumb... On the plus side, your boyfriend is a Super Saiyan. :p

This should be in the 'horror' section. It would be one of the few genuinely frightening stories there, thanks to the pre-algebra teacher.

Kind of short.

Game has good plot, just not very good spelling

The maturity level should be set to 3 and not 1.

I'm sorry, but this didn't impress me at all. It felt like you took no thought into this at all and slapped this together in 5 minutes. No plot, no character development,the reaction to the first encounter with the bullies doesn't affect outcome at all. After coming from your challenging detective game, I am disappointed. You have the ability to create a very puzzling, thoughtful game. This isn't the best of your abilities..

Firstly;What sixth graders have knives?
Secondly;Is the romance with the handsome boy?
Thirdly:It was terrible.

Ok

easy

Yeah, I'm sure A bunch of 6th grade girls can come to school with knives and stab me to death. WTF?

not bad.

I wish that finding the guy who saved you in Part 2 had more depth to it to make it more interesting. Maybe that could be Part 3?

Good game

lame, bad grammar, and really unrealistic, even for an unusual day.

really lame. and short.

It certainly was unusual! Pretty good, I must say, just work on the grammar mistakes.

I got the best ending :). Very fun!

Nice job.

Pretty good, to say the least.

That was crazy.

Not that bad, had I been a girl. I'm feeling a little sick that you should mention my boyfriend. tee-hee

That truly was an unusual day. Well written. Very well written. There's a few grammatical problems in there but it was a simple story and I like simple stories. Well done.

Interesting storyline. I was surprised to find out I was a girl.

Thanks! This was my first game, except for the Part 2.

Poor spelling, but great game, I loved it!! You have to play part 2, its great

too fast... you need to add more in it... otherwise good game, great pictures

this is a decent game the spelling is vrey good but you shouid make it longer and more chiocs and the plot is prety clice but three just sugstens but you have great potcnel later
ps sorry for the crap spelling

Ok game. I liked the pictures the most.

good game. i lost though

It was good.

you should make your story longer and not make so many choices involving dying. otherwise, it's an okay story.

ooh exciting...not

okay, well I liked the pictures. This story was kinda stupid cause you couldnt choose a lot of choices. Also most of the choices got you killed. You should try to make it longer and give us more choices. =)

i like the avaters and for a first game it's better than most. Not great otherwise.

Stabbed by six graders! Woo, that's a tough school! I think this is a good first game. The writing is strong and you seem to get the idea of choice. Keep it up!

it was ok

Fantastic first game! I agree that it could be longer, and have a bit more choice, but it's fun and well written... good job.

It was okay but just make it longer.

Make it longer and you got yourself a winner.

wow, when it comes to school based games this was actually not that bad. way too short and i didnt realize the character was a girl but atleast SOME thought was put into it. thanks for setting the bar for new games (albeit a small bar). make one way longer next time and it should be way better.