Player Comments on Revenge for honor
Not really any choices that result in death.
on 1/15/2019 12:33:29 PM with a score of 0
Stupid ended sooooo fast one coice was death the other wasent
-- Happy golucky on 7/25/2018 3:51:54 PM with a score of 0
the story is good but the freedom with the choices are really either death or the other
on 5/1/2018 1:56:52 PM with a score of 0
I realize English isn't your first language, but it doesn't make the grammatical problems easier to get through. I would have recommended having a native speaker do a quick run through this at the very least.
'There was a blood dripping out from his body when I shooted twenty bullets into his mouth. I knew I've killed one of my enemies but now police would be again next to me.'
Just one example of many, but one I found funny for whatever reason.
I'm going to assume in the years since this has been published you've figured out how to punctuate dialogue and so not spend time going into detail on that, other than to note it's another persistent problem here.
The story's pretty much entirely linear, but as a normal short story it would work just fine. There's enough content here that I could tell effort was put in and for the most part there's nothing wrong with the plot...the big exception being that the death of the character's parent and thus their entire motivation is spelled out in the story's description, yet absolutely nowhere in the story itself.
(And honestly, even what's in the description doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It sounds like a fantasy setting with people being thrown down wells etc., but then, wait, they're killed not by an evil dictator, but by other townspeople out of...I guess moral outrage at the shirking of their civic duty? And then the story itself turns out to be in a modern setting and it all suddenly makes even less sense, so who even knows.)
on 7/3/2017 11:07:38 AM with a score of 0
Really linear, but that was a good story.
on 6/12/2017 10:49:49 PM with a score of 0
lol loved the different options, keep it up
on 2/9/2017 10:22:47 AM with a score of 0
A fine game, but I'm wondering why the author rated his own game.
on 3/11/2016 3:13:41 PM with a score of 0
Good one. Wish it was longer. Though, nice attempt
on 2/5/2014 6:18:09 AM with a score of 0
Completely awesome game!!
on 1/8/2014 7:45:08 AM with a score of 0
Is that the end?
bit of a cliffhanger.
-- walker on 8/16/2013 3:38:35 PM with a score of 0
This story is just so good but required more choices and length
on 1/10/2013 10:36:31 PM with a score of 0
It was alright... there were some parts that didn't make a lot of sense to me, such as: why would you tell the doctor your name? And why does your pain subside a mere hour after getting shot and receiving surgery without anaesthesia?
on 1/4/2013 5:15:47 PM with a score of 0
Linearty hurts it the most... The author does a good job at his english. Only if it wasn't so linear. It hinted many things at its initial pages but failed to show any. Apart, it wasn't really a CYOA, the forced nature of this killing it. Though despite of the straight away read it's pretty good in terms of writing and maybe story. Kudos for having a lot more than other newbies. Keep it up. 5/8
on 12/21/2012 5:23:00 AM with a score of 0
You've done nice job considering this as your first storygame.
on 12/19/2012 6:14:03 AM with a score of 0
Well it was a good story and your English is awesome, but it didn't really feel like a choose your own adventure story, since you didn't get to make any choices until the end.
on 12/18/2012 7:00:32 AM with a score of 0
Awesome work you've done. It would be more good if you add more twists and creativity in it. And good luck for your upcoming stories.
-- Dave on 12/17/2012 10:06:45 AM with a score of 0
Great job for your first. On top of that you don't have english as a first language to help you out. You sir have potential. Some advice for your upcoming stories. Add more imagination, choices, and plot/length. Just some constructive critisism for you to chew on.
on 12/15/2012 9:43:55 PM with a score of 0
Aaawesome....5/8. Though too linear.
-- Endrew on 12/15/2012 7:50:14 AM with a score of 0
Very good for your first story. Keep it up!
-- Sidekiller on 12/15/2012 6:40:00 AM with a score of 0