Tenants

Player Rating2.73/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 56 ratings since
played times (finished )

Story Difficulty1/8

"no possible way to lose"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

Leona Lafiercen, an 18-year-old girl got a call From her untie Briggs, that her grandfather left a mansion for her to own. Leona was having trouble about her college funds and by a push by her best friend Tiffany, she decided to rent the 7 extra bedrooms. Leona finds her self-living in a house with 7 different attractive people with different kinds of personalities. 

 

 

IMPORTANT! THIS IS A PROLOGUE

please message or comment who you want me to make a story first! Then I will make a new game with the name "Tenant-(name of 

Tiffany

Sky

Sachet

Blake

Lydia

Andrew

Parker)

 

 

 

Player Comments

This isn't the sort of story I personally like but I think the idea is an excellent one with a lot of potential and could be v popular in a Big Brother sort of way though this does come across as a pitch to sell the story rather than the actual story :)
Oddly enough the script presentation kind of works, this sort of story seems more like a play that a story as I'm pretty sure the choice options all lead in the same direction anyway... I definitely think you should work on developing a full-length story as there is a lot of fun stuff you could do with this.
-- Will11 on 10/11/2015 9:57:51 AM
The story has some potential, depending on where you decide to go with it. Having an inn/boarding house type of story would be fairly interesting if done properly. But assuming you want to publish a completed version of this story, you should fix a few things (I know this a prologue/demo, but still...)

The first is the set-up, not for the plot itself. but for how you set up the dialogue. Having to read every person's name a thousand times every time they say something is annoying, and detracts from the story. I recommend just using regular quotation marks and the like.

Secondly, the grammar needs to be tweaked. It is not terrible (I have seen MUCH worse on here), but needs a good editor to handle.

Thirdly, I consider your main problem to be meat. If I want a cheeseburger, I expect it to have the full nine-yards: lettuce, tomatoes, meat, ketchup, pickles and cheese. If I get the sandwich without the meat, I would be both angry and disappointed. With that in mind, if you make a story that only has minimal detail, the readers cannot get invested into it, and it only serves to make a boring and "chore" of a read.

Overall, I think you could do better and fix the story. If decide to get help, there are many people on the site willing to help or provide advice. Make sure to actually finish this story! 3/8
-- LeoScales7 on 10/11/2015 9:03:16 AM
definitely andrew or parker
-- thebigE on 7/7/2016 5:42:59 PM
Sachlet.
-- emma on 4/15/2016 9:02:19 PM
tenants (name of Andrew)
-- PATRICIA4girl on 10/25/2015 12:30:58 AM
i would like to see leona with Andrew this time, she looks to blush redishly when it come to him!! even if i dont know thier story yet, im so curious and excited at the same time to see the story of Leona and Andrew!!
-- PATRICIA4girl on 10/25/2015 12:26:52 AM
As someone previously mentioned, you should add more detail to immerse your readers. You should probably also add a little more meat to the story. Things don't happen as smoothly as it seems like they should. But this is better than many many things out there and you should definitely write more.
-- corgi213 on 10/11/2015 7:58:00 PM
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