Player Comments on The Life Story #1: Preschool

Well it wasn't exactly BAD, just boring and not original in the slightest. It's really short as well, but there's not much that can be done with a narrow idea like this. It's why I've never been into storygames that are about spending a day doing whatever. They never turn out well and are boring.

The writing wasn't too bad, but some things need work. There's a part that talks about the mom introducing you to the door or something, so that was a little weird. Also, the kid's dialogue and mental proceeds are a little too advanced to be believable. I'd say tone it down a bit.

There's a few spelling and grammar mistakes that can be fixed as well, so I'd just take this down and work on it some more.

3/8

— Nyctophilia on 9/27/2017 9:20:18 PM with a score of 0

Do;
Make it longer (too short for "Part of Series");
Write dialogue correctly (it's passable, but not 100% correct);
Include more interactions;
Make a conflict other than being left alone in preschool (example: bullies).

Good:
Writing skills;
Link choices (you had realistic choices);
Choice of words (not too hard for kids).

Note: It actually hooked my attention quite well. Keep up the good work!

— Crescentstar on 12/11/2016 11:46:39 AM with a score of 0

I like it, reasonably interesting premise and well written. I've worked at a kindergarten in China and some of the children cried almost nonstop for 3 months when they first went but that might have been because they were 2-3 years old. The older children were 5 and 6 and after a few years teaching they knew the alphabet, the phonetic alphabet and can start to read short words, so out of boring teachery interest how old is the main character Maddie?

— Will11 on 12/21/2014 12:24:37 AM with a score of 0

it was fun but i think it was to short like your d***

— Chris the hm on 10/20/2023 11:42:12 PM with a score of 0

Cute!

— SexySilver on 11/3/2022 7:29:52 PM with a score of 0

It was alright. I mean if you’re going to make a story about a kid going to preschool I think you should at least make it more interesting.

By that I mean give us some more character development, chioices, and branching instead of a linear story. Your writing is fine and good it just needs some more work on the parts that make stories interesting.

Also I would make it about regular school instead of preschool since your character sounded and acted older than a preschooler in my opinion.

— Axxius on 1/16/2022 9:39:08 PM with a score of 0

This was really interesting! I'm looking forward to the next work. :D This was realistic, well-thought out and beautifully written. It was simple and easy to understand. But something was missing. I think you should add something unexpected like a bully or some stolen object. keep in mind this is just a suggestion, this story was good. It wasn't exactly the best, but it wasn't the worst either. Looking forward to seeing more works from you! :D

— FemaleWolverine on 12/8/2020 1:46:49 PM with a score of 0

Haha

— DUDE_MAN on 7/27/2019 8:59:36 AM with a score of 0

More?

— Anactaka on 7/11/2018 11:54:42 PM with a score of 0

It's okay, is a little short. I only found one ending though. Is there a next one? Because I didn't make any friends... Just talked to one other kid. Still an interesting game.

— BunnyCatMouse99100 on 1/23/2018 12:11:33 PM with a score of 0

Good start to a story but you should have Preschool and Kindergarden in one.

— Robin8 on 7/10/2017 10:32:20 PM with a score of 0

This is good.

— UnStriped_Tiger on 6/25/2017 3:03:31 PM with a score of 0

This is NOT fun
It's Funny

— ZombieGamer9188 on 5/28/2017 3:40:08 PM with a score of 0

Not much of a story.

— Quorrah on 2/9/2017 5:25:44 PM with a score of 0

it was cute...

— thebigE on 7/6/2016 5:33:42 PM with a score of 0

It was decent..kind of interesting, but I would have liked it better if offered more options.But overall, nice grammar and good job on the story game.

5/8

— Snowflame on 1/8/2016 10:24:28 PM with a score of 0

4/8
Why?-I like how you can be a total brat and still get away with it, I find it amusing.

— DeathIncarnate on 8/31/2015 6:56:31 PM with a score of 0

Good but pretty boring.

— Penworth on 6/17/2015 11:51:50 PM with a score of 0

this was all just a bunch of scribbles

— Maddie on 6/1/2015 7:13:00 PM with a score of 0

Pretty boring. Good grammar and spelling.

— WizzyCat on 4/7/2015 6:20:56 AM with a score of 0

Too simple

— Tio on 4/6/2015 11:59:05 PM with a score of 0

It was short and cute. I liked it.

— bluejay14 on 1/11/2015 3:48:02 PM with a score of 0

Really short and a bit boring, but kinda interesting. 4/8

— ko_hankinator on 12/22/2014 7:58:37 PM with a score of 0

Wow, I feel really stupid. I can't believe I mistook Fazz for Kiel... I feel dumb.

— TheDickReviewer on 12/20/2014 7:42:34 PM with a score of 0

Uh ... Dick? I'm up here. Did you just have me on your mind or do you seriously think Fazz and I are the same person? We aren't anything alike.

That said, the story was okay. Yes, they do teach the alphabet in pre-school, Fazz. Kids can start recognizing letters by age 2, but it's only about age 4-5 that they're really any good at it.

— Kiel_Farren on 12/20/2014 4:31:24 AM with a score of 0

It is okay.
2/8

— WarriorCats on 12/20/2014 3:44:09 AM with a score of 0

Eh, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good. It was rather boring and really short. And I didn't find any danger, so that statemen in the description is a lie. 3/8 from me.

And, yes Kiel, they do teach the alphabet in preschool... I think, I never payed attention, I just bit kids.