Nyctophilia, The Wordsmith
I've always wondered if there was a character limit to this part of the profile.
Profile pic: Riding With Death
It was meant to be, but fate is twisted and mad. Who knew such cruelty could exist?
Recent PostsShould we limit reproduction? on 9/29/2017 8:56:16 PM
I say we kill off bitches that's don't like being on lists.
Not Really New on 9/28/2017 6:37:00 PM
Work In Progress. on 9/28/2017 5:12:27 PM
It would be easier to understand if it was spread into smaller chunks of text.
# @coins on 9/28/2017 2:47:40 PM
Sent remembers obscure shit and makes YOU find it! on 9/27/2017 11:30:43 PM
I don't know what the hell is going on, but tempers are out of the parks here.
Draw My Attention (Reign of the Mini-King) on 9/27/2017 11:06:05 PM
Recommending comments for featuring
I initially rated this a four, but I'm deciding to lower it to a three because this really isn't that good at all. It was too random, and I feel like this is something you did just to have a storygame. It's better to take time on storygames, otherwise they could end up like this and extremely rushed.
The writing was simple, poor, and not captivating in the slightest way. Paired with the plot, you're lucky to even get this very generous three out of eight. It seems like a very branching story at first, but after clicking some I realized that they were just filler links, and did absolutely nothing. I wouldn't be surprised if this dropped down and was eventually destroyed by End.
Overall, it needs to be unpublished and worked on. It was too short, and doesn't belong in a place like this.
-- Nyctophilia on 9/27/2017 8:56:18 PM with a score of 0
The story was too short. I feel like it was a good idea at first but came out terribly in writing. The choices make little sense and this is one of those storygames that makes you go back if you don't pick the right choice. These are the worst and most annoying storygames to play and it's tedious to get through so that I can rate and comment. Changing this can help get more reviews and ratings so that you can have better feedback to improve your writing.
The plot wasn't very good, and that is also linked to the choices. It seemed a little random as well, and I wouldn't recommend this to anyone unless I had no other options. This could certainly be improved and become one of the better storygames on the site. It could at least be moved into the better half.
Overall, it's a storygame lacking important qualities and I have no better option but to rate it very low. 1/8, needs work.
-- Nyctophilia on 9/27/2017 9:07:39 PM
Well it wasn't exactly BAD, just boring and not original in the slightest. It's really short as well, but there's not much that can be done with a narrow idea like this. It's why I've never been into storygames that are about spending a day doing whatever. They never turn out well and are boring.
The writing wasn't too bad, but some things need work. There's a part that talks about the mom introducing you to the door or something, so that was a little weird. Also, the kid's dialogue and mental proceeds are a little too advanced to be believable. I'd say tone it down a bit.
There's a few spelling and grammar mistakes that can be fixed as well, so I'd just take this down and work on it some more.
-- Nyctophilia on 9/27/2017 9:20:18 PM
# @coins on 9/27/2017 9:26:42 PM
Or you've just gotten soft. Either way, you're not going to change it so accept it.
# @coins on 9/27/2017 8:30:34 PM
I didn't say I was always right. :)
# @coins on 9/27/2017 8:24:43 PM
No, I was pointing out that Tim was actually right about initially talking about ethnicity rather than nationality. Which is why I said you were generally right.
# @coins on 9/27/2017 8:03:55 PM
That's because Steve is generally right with everything he argues about, and he's good at it.