Player Comments on The Right Way

This story had some potential, but it ultimately fell short. It felt alright what with the sergeant yelling at you for not paying attention, but then later having the option to lose focus or stay focused could have been played out more subtle. Something like "reminisce on old times" and "just watch the road ahead" could have been a less obvious way to trick the player.
Also, I get the sergeant guy was kind of a dick for yelling at the character (even though he has a tough job to do with a team that seems largely unfit for it), it seems out of place to say its not a huge loss when he gets pin cushioned by a bunch of natives. It would seem as though most groups of people who hate their jobs, are largely unfit and unprepared for the environment, would panic a bit when the only authority figure (who also knows best what to do in situations like this) just got fucking wrecked by some native, not just shrug their shoulders. Especially when it seems like you make a big deal of pointing out how the main character feels some kind of duty to his fellow soldiers.
Also the "Run" and "Stand and Fight" options could have been done better. The stand and fight one was fine, as you'd expect a small group to get merced by a larger force, but the run option would have worked if the character....I don't know, told his friends to retreat as well, instead of trying to book it by himself.
I honestly though the general story would be longer, and lead into something more intricate. Instead of you all go on a routine walk and get butchered. There was so much you could have done with this! For example, how would these clearly inexperienced soldiers deal with being stuck in the forest (after losing their bearing when retreating) where enemies could be behind any tree, and the only guy who knows exactly what to do is dead. How would they deal with who now calls the shots? How would they find their way back to let the rest know a large group of enemies are going to cut their throats in their sleep?
This story certainly had a lot of potential, and I hope you develop it to be better. (Even the character development was going pretty well, what with the MC getting pissed at the recruit for shaking in his boots). Any way, I hope to see you putting more stories out.
-- corgi213 on 5/31/2018 7:20:32 PM with a score of 0
This game was pretty promising, but feels incomplete and leaves the reader a little unsatisfied. I know you say in the description that this is a stage setter for later storygames, but it would be nice if the story lasted longer and didn't kill the protagonist no matter which path you choose. I just can't help but feel like it's an unfinished storygame.

That said, it was well written (albeit with some errors), had good characterisation and it felt like it could have been a pretty interesting story and world with some more detail and fleshing out.
-- 31TeV on 9/24/2014 6:57:15 AM with a score of 0
The author of this appears to be long gone and that's too bad because it's surprisingly well written, especially for CYS circa 2013.

The dialogue is natural, the action flows well and the character is relatable. There's a few punctuation errors but not enough to be distracting. There's a lot of natural talent at work here that draws you right in despite a few flaws.

Really a shame it's as short as it is, and that it seems very unlikely we'll ever get anything else from this author. I would have enjoyed a longer story in this setting and style.
-- mizal on 6/5/2018 10:47:42 AM with a score of 0
I do like that this game is somewhere between that 80's movie "An Officer and a Gentleman" and Robert E. Howard's Conan story "Beyond the Black Border". The style is breezy and the dialogue amusing enough. I just wish I hadn't been killed so quickly. I would like more background on the conflict.
-- ThomasLaHomme on 6/4/2018 11:56:18 AM with a score of 0
TRASH. Always ends quick.
-- 32Tev on 5/23/2018 6:43:24 PM with a score of 0
It's okay.....I guess
-- Joe Fresh on 5/23/2018 6:38:25 PM with a score of 0
It was pure hype. But it wasn't that bad still...
-- Sabesan on 5/8/2018 6:40:59 PM with a score of 0
It's interesting that your goal isn't "winning" in the traditional sense. There could be a little bit more meat to the decisions, however.
-- Lockirby2 on 5/3/2018 11:06:02 PM with a score of 0
i love it
-- Jakethebro on 2/14/2018 12:51:42 PM with a score of 0
Not bad, it could be longer with more choices, however.
-- Shadowgirl_101 on 4/8/2016 2:34:23 PM with a score of 0
Good story, but unfinished.
-- Jimmysutton on 3/17/2016 9:54:54 AM with a score of 0
-- Rebecca on 9/10/2015 11:31:25 PM with a score of 0
Too short for me
-- Penworth on 6/11/2015 6:07:23 AM with a score of 0
Well the writing was very good and rather fun but the story was short, linear and the choices rather simple ones. This could have been expanded into a full-length fantasy adventure but I'd certainly like to read more of your writing.
-- Will11 on 3/9/2015 7:14:56 AM with a score of 0
A bit unsatisfying as far as endings go but pretty well written.
-- hugo23 on 11/30/2014 10:16:54 PM with a score of 0
Not much story, and I don't quite get how it sets the stage as there is very little in the way of setting. Decent for a few minutes of distraction however.
-- MythicBowman on 8/22/2013 12:50:27 AM with a score of 0
I... don't understand. Why did you put a link to the picture of the helmet when you could've just put in the picture of the helmet, right on the page?
-- Kiel_Farren on 6/17/2013 4:23:12 AM with a score of 0
Not bad, Decent branching, enjoyable writing, and a believable set up. The endings were all pretty similar so you lose points there. Moreover, we don't exactly get allot of plot development. Not bad all and all. A great first go to say the least.
-- ugilick on 5/31/2013 3:33:11 PM with a score of 0
So you die no matter what? I guess that's war for you... Only a precious few survive, and sometimes you just can't survive no matter what you do.
-- cchoi16 on 5/14/2013 8:07:45 PM with a score of 0
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