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Dear, (A TrueParanormal Short Story)

2 years ago

Dear, 

 

    Your mother told me to write this. She said it’d help. I doubt it. It’s been three years since you’ve left and I still see you everywhere. In the mirror. My bed. God, this is stupid. This won’t bring you back. I don’t think your mother knows what she talks about half the time. You know, she always calls me. Every tuesday at four. I think she pretends you’re in the background. I swear she doesn’t even really hear me. If you must know she’s doing okay. Well, as okay as she could be… you know.. Since you’re gone. It still feels unreal, you know? As if I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and you’ll be in the bed beside me. Wake up and be with you. Some mornings, when I’m in that early after waking haze, I feel your breaths. At least, I imagine them. It takes a bit to remember. But for those fleeting moments, I’m happy. Just for a second. I know you would want that for me. I’m sorry I haven’t found relief. That I’m floundering. I should be strong. I have to be. But I’m not. I am not who you wanted me to be. I’ve failed. Not just you, but also myself. Dear, I need you to hold me. Because no one else can. I yearn for sleep, cause its freedom. Cause only in my dreams can I hold onto you and feel safe. I’m scared. Don’t you get that? I’m alone and scared. But you left me. You left all of us. Why? Did you mean to? Or was it an accident? Please, I need an answer. Every night I am stuck with these questions swirling through my head, consuming every moment of plausible rest. And sometimes I just want to join you. I’ve even got everything to follow through. But I can’t. I don’t know how you did it. How you left your mother. Your family. Me. Please, help me understand. I can’t take this. Not anymore. You never really thought things through, did you? You didn’t leave us maliciously, did you? Was it me? Was there something I could have done? Did I not love you enough? Or were you selfish? Were you taking the easy way out? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be like this. I just need someone to blame. Because right now I just want to disappear. Like I never existed. I want to be like you. You’re my best friend. I looked up to you. Oh god, sometimes I just look back on the photos I’ve saved. Laugh at the dumb haircuts we had. Or what we wore to prom. Or the picture right before you fell into the lake! That one was priceless! Then the night I fell in love. You looked stunning. All dressed up, just for me. I still don’t understand why you chose me. And I guess it was the wrong choice. Maybe if you chose someone else you’d be here. I needed you. I still need you. I never stopped needing you. I hope you forgave me. All those arguments. The nights on the couch. The times where you left. I know you came back. But did you ever actually… All I know is I never forgave myself. It’s my fault. It has to be. I should’ve been more kind. More present. How can I look at myself in the mirror? How can I even go on? I destroyed us. I destroyed you. I destroyed myself. I should fade. It's what I deserve. I caused this. The silence that dampens our home is my own making. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I have to say it. I get why now. You didn’t leave, I did. How long were you alone? When did you give up? When’d you stop loving me? I didn’t give you enough attention. I never put you first. Especially when I should have. I listen to our song every night. Even now, as I write this, it is on repeat. It isn’t as happy as it once was. Each repeat, the notes get more mournful. Yet, I sink deeper into them. When it plays, I dance with you. Maybe only in my heart. But I feel like I’m with you again. I never threw out your clothes. They just stay in your dresser. I can’t even look at them. Not even the shirt with the stupid sarcastic cat that we always used to laugh at. It’s in the third drawer, on top of the shirt with the entwining tree branches, and folded exactly as you loved. I’ve turned your pictures around. Your smile eats at me. It never did reach your eyes. I wish it had. You had such beautiful eyes, Dear. I can picture each fleck. I could paint each intricate detail. Even if I was never an artist. It would take but a moment for me to explore that canvass and replicate your image. I love you. Loved. Love. How can I still love you? You abandoned me. Yet, love it is. You were the only one I ever could. Can. I never have admired someone else as much as you. How could I? You were amazing. Talented. And no one ever saw you. Not until it was too late. I know I never did. Not until it was too late. I promise you, I speak nothing but the truth. But I couldn’t find the right words. Not before.. Only now. And now they are jumbled. Cluttered. Unreadable. And I love you. I really, truly do. I just wish I could tell you. I wish I could look into your eyes and tell you all these things I should have said to begin with. I want to scream and beg. I just want to hold you. You took me away from everything. Why couldn’t I do the same? Why didn’t you let me? Why’d you have to go and take yourself away and leave me here alone? I can’t do this. 

 

Dear, I need you. I needed you. 

 

I miss you.

Dear, (A TrueParanormal Short Story)

2 years ago
Welcome back! I was half expecting this to turn into an unsettling mindscrew, given your previous stuff, but this seems pretty straightforward. (Unless there are layers I'm missing because I'm very very sleepy, and because of the formatting, but if that's the case I'll have to have another look tomorrow.) The text wall makes it a little difficult to navigate, but given there's a reference to the letter the man is writing being cluttered and unreadable, it seems to be intentional? I think I'm just gonna give this one another look in the morning when I can read it more closely.

Dear, (A TrueParanormal Short Story)

2 years ago
Okay, much easier on the eyes on mobile, surprisingly. I was correct, there is no twist, but there is a lot of sincerity and real feeling here, it feels realistically like someone struggling to come to terms with a partner's suicide.

Dear, (A TrueParanormal Short Story)

2 years ago

That's exactly it! I went for raw emotion.