1/13/2018

10/30/2024 4:50 AM

754

4

2 wins / 0 losses

Infrangible Warden

A Treatise on Heartly Manners

A contest entry for Bucky's year's end contest: choose your own prompt II.
Play as Lord Robert, the baron of Rivellon, at the lowest point of his life. He's cheated on by his wife, betrayed by his liege and filled to the brim with a turmoil of conflicting emotions.
How does his life end? 

Avarga

Entry for EndMaster's Prompt Contest 3. In this epic tale of courage, sacrifice, and redemption, Your journey will take you to the very edge of existence and beyond. Will you stand to lead; or will your story be cut short?

Brimstone

Allow me to share my story.

Cannibal Apocalypse

Pretty sure this isn't meant for the family-friendly category.

Contest Winner

unpublished

It did not win.

Darkest Hour

unpublished

The year is 2478 and the human race once again finds itself within Sol's borders. Like a phoenix from our bitter past, we have risen anew.

Like Aeneas, we had been cast out of our home. We searched the galaxy for a new home, and like him, we found it and made it our own. We struggled and were battered by the harsh conditions. But now, both ready and willing, we will eclipse the legends of old.

Now we shall fight to reclaim what is rightfully ours.

General Butt Naked

unpublished

FOR ENDMASTER'S CONTEST<, PRAISED BE THE LEGEND.

Liberia and Sierra Leone are small countries on the west coast of Africa. Like many African countries, the lands are extremely rich in natural resources and vibrant in culture.

However, in the 1980s the climate halted in corruption and mismanagement under the All People's Congress Party. With over 70% of the people barely capable of buying a single cup of rice, survival became much harder. Not trusting in the democratic process any longer, the RUF was formed to drastically revamp the economic system and redistribute the country's wealth. They fought for education, jobs, and true democracy. In the process, they pillaged the lands and cut off many limbs.

It is in these times Joshua Milton Blahyi is born, butt naked. And in these times he'll fight, butt naked. For he is:

General Butt Naked.

Neglected

unpublished

This is my neglected story.

zExpedition Aquarius

unpublished

For centuries, man has scoured the stars, desperate to find its likeness. Thus far all was for naught; empty husks and barren rocks worked hard to crush his dreams. There was just one anomaly, one beacon amid the darkness. This is its story. This is the story of man's first foray to the stars.

An entry to Mizal's Tiny 'topias Jam. Where a lot more little bite-sized stories are -and will be- shared by other authors.

And for those that don't have the extension, and thus can't click on the storygame to open it, here's a tiny backdoor left open. Feel free to make use of it, and even leave a comment if you like.

Expedition Aquarius

zLetters Unanswered

unpublished

An epistolary novel containing the desperate pleas of a sole father. How will he bring his daughter safety in a city ripe for rebellion?

An entry to Mizal's Tiny 'topias Jam. Where a lot more little bite-sized stories are -and will be- shared by other authors.

And for those that don't have the extension, and thus can't click on the storygame to open it, here's a tiny backdoor left open. Feel free to make use of it, and even leave a comment if you like.

Letters Unanswered

As much as I enjoy autistic world-building I have to agree with Crimson here. In fact there's already multiple precedents with for example pyromancy and chronomancy being universally accepted terms for time and fire magic (chronos, time and pyro, fire), making the whole idea not original enough to warrant the autism. Basically every fancy magic term borrows heavily from either Greek or Latin, while also being used often enough by other authors to have entered the cultural consciousness and become recognizable as its own thing. Also, I am pretty sure that alchemy already has a Greek root (khemeia, transmuting metals), making your version sound more like something put through google translate five times over and translated back again. On the other hand I appreciate an artist or autist being unwilling to bench their idea wholeheartedly so try this: make your weird versions the official and elitist names of the magic, where most students except the truly posh ones or most old-fashioned professors just use the bastardized and recognizable versions. Helps instantly with characterization too. Another and far more interesting train of thought: why use Greek? Does your civilization have the same Greco-Roman foundation as our Western one? I assume you are already using some kind of translator engine to come up with interesting names, so why not explore further: go Norse (I'd pick Icelandic for that one), Yoruba or Hindi, whatever language and associated culture sounds and feel like the right thing for your world.

Not being required to pay a 50k yearly malpractice insurance fee also helps

Oh yeah that checks out

Which internship starts at 9? I am asking for a friend

I like the comma almost as much as I like the Ogre

A. Story A's writing felt rushed and even clunky at places. Still I'm a sucker for the first person perspective. The narrative voice was consistent and entertaining and the story did a proper job of placing me on the island. Though I did think you could've done more with the natives. That's the worst part of writing historical plausible shit, makes the reader have higher expectations for everything. Moreover, the end was a bit too predictable or perhaps safe. In contrast I felt story B nailed its ending. The emotive weight of the last few paragraphs made the story shine. However, I agree with the other reviewers that the buildup to that ending was subpar. Moreover, where story A took its time to immerse the reader in the surroundings, offering the actions in it immediacy, I felt story B skipped over that in favor of background and character relations that could also just remain implied. The ending didn't really need it, and they were relatively uninteresting on their own. Overall this is a rare thunder dome entry where neither story absolutely sucks or immediately wins out over the other one. Guess as an advocate of the first person perspective I like A more.

Honest advice Benman. Stop smearing coal all over your face and go to a barber and ask his opinion on which cut would suit you best. I truly believe your life will improve a tenfold. Also keep up being a racist fuck. Life is more fun that way.

B'i'ish

Damn bette' luck next time

Ha''y ... now the monkey comes out of the sleeve!