Player Comments on A night in Dark Chicago

So, I haven’t gone through all the endings yet and have yet to find the surviving ending, if there is one, but I’ve played through several endings, including the original, so I feel comfortable reviewing this. Now, I’ll start off by saying that horror is not my genre, so take my thematic criticisms or suggestions a bit lighter.

So, this story was decent and entertaining enough that there was a draw to keep playing through endings. Really, I don’t think anyone would regret reading this story. I will say that it misses something that it needs to really set itself above the crowd. I’ll try to shed some light on why that might be.

So first, as a horror game, this isn’t really scary or disturbing. The scenes move slowly and leisurely, so there’s not the tension and release that’s needed to really build up suspense. On the other hand, it’s also not especially gory or gross in description. While this is a worse way to build up an eerie atmosphere for horror, it does still work. Here, though there’s nothing to make this feel especially horrible.

Part of the issue might also be the length of the story. The part of horror like this that really enhances the anxiety is the hunt, but this is short enough that I know there’s either a quick death or survival. In addition, very little characterization is done, so it’s hard for me to root for the characters. Instead of playing to survive, I start going through methodically and clicking other choices to see if it’s the right one.

Now, this does sound like mostly criticism, but I will say that the prose and description are strong. The word craft itself was pleasant to read, and I think this can honestly carry the story quite well if frequent typos in the second half are fixed.

Also I am commenting from an ending with no end game link at the part when you are killed by the parasite liquid people after escaping from the spiders

I stumbled across a good handful of typos, and some broken on page scripting, so first of all this could use another proofreading pass. ("its" should only have an apostrophe when it's a contraction btw, not for possessives)

"You cream again, but the sound gargles in your throat as you feel your muscles begin to lock and stiffen." >>> No, no, this is not what it looks like, it's not THAT kind of story. It's just another typo. Then again this game does involve a lesbian being imperiled by giant insects again and again, so maybe for certain people it actually IS that kind of story.

Basically every path is you going out into the city with your little camera and encountering something. Most of those somethings will kill you. And of the things that will kill you, yes, a weirdly high number of them are insect things. I'm not sure if that's something that comes up a lot in the official setting, or if Anthraxus just likes his woman-eating bugs.

The storygame description does get into the setting a bit, but the story itself might have benefited from some of that background stuff being worked into it. There really is no prior indication at all that the POV character understands that she lives in a world where some weird shit is lurking, despite never seeming too be actually surprised when she runs into it.

There are a decent number of endings and a decent number of ways to discover all this weirdness, although the way the paths are structured gets a little samey...strange how this woman has been going out for many nights over a course of years with seemingly no issue when there's something lethal lurking around every corner. I found myself a couple of times wishing for a bit more interactivity in dealing with the various creatures encountered. Or maybe even interactions with people or places that DON'T want to kill me for a novel change of pace; the one where you join the monster hunters was the most interesting to me for that reason, but then it sort of had the designated immediately go home and end game ending, where I'd have liked to see that one continued or developed for a bit longer.

There's a lot of description here even of mundane things, like a LOT. I enjoy and have a high tolerance for well written descriptions, but not everyone does. Specifically it put me in mind of a parser IF game in some ways, with the high level of awareness and emphasis on my surroundings and what they contained at all times. Maybe that's why I was feeling the lack of interactivity, because if the story establishes objects in reach of me and the number of exits and where they all are, I start getting the sense that this is significant information that will be used somehow.

First ending I got was Long Walk Home, it's arguably the best one, and I got it by making the sane and rational choices as a woman wandering the abandoned warehouse district of Chicago alone. So I do appreciate that the game accounted for that kind of playthrough.

***DISCLAIMER*** to the author, It should first be stated, that you should NOT take anything i say with a grain of salt. Everything i say i mean, and i mean it with my chest puffed out, so, take everything i say to heart. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

The first page has good SPAG so far. I feel like there's probably a slight over-explanation of how things look, particularly regarding the setting, our girlfriend's job, and how her job allows us to have this home (as some sort of gift from her employer). Maybe I'm wrong here, but there's nothing suggesting to me that this information is going to actually be relevant to the plot. I'll come back and edit this if I'm wrong, but my first impression from the first page is that it's well-written, but someone yet to know what's next might feel like it's filler.

We'll choose to go for our walk.

I think page one could be enhanced if, instead of talking about how we got our home, we talked about where our love for photography came from, why it's such a big part of our life, and why it makes us feel the way it does. I think that would have led to a more engaging start.

"You quietly slip out of bed, slip on some warmer clothes and a coat, grab your camera and walk out the front door, locking it behind you. The snow has quickly been piling up, certainly far deeper than it would have been if you had left earlier. This leaves your footing a little less sure, and you barely covered half a block before your pant legs are fairly saturated up to your knees."

I'd be walking the fuck back home wtf.

I quite like this second page. It has clearly defined options with a clear explanation of how they differ, along with some subtle characterization through the protagonist being unbothered by the snow. I think we'll go down to the industrial district first.

Let's get closer to the noise in the warehouse.

Let's go through the warehouse.

"You came, or pushing on ahead would only bring you closer to one of them. Your camera thumps against your chest as you run for the perceived safety of the wire cage around the long staircase. The large spider-like things clambered across the tops of the partition walls,"

Scary 0_0

Not much is as terrifying as giant bugs attacking you.

Damn, I tried to work the elevator and died.

When we're being chased by the spiders, we really don't hear the protagonist have any kind of thoughts or questions on these giant bugs. It would be cool, much more realistic and immersive if as she's being chased (or him, gender isn't stated) we were like "fuck fuck, wtf is happening, wtf are these things" or just overall inner monologuing over a sense of impending death to truly heighten the tension of the chase would be beneficial.

Damn, I died again. Both paths on the industrial route lead to deaths.

"You tumble from the bridge, having a moment of picturing yourself falling in slow motion with the snow, the most massive flake in the storm. You are saved, if such can be said, from landing on the snow-covered concrete three stories below only because you are caught in the limbs of another of the spider-like monstrosities that had emerged from the bottom of the tower. It stabs you with large fangs, viscous purple venom pumping into you. As your consciousness fades your photographer's eyes focus on the faintly glimmering snow caught in the spiky hairs on the blue-eyed monster that held you. It was almost pretty. Your last thought is to try to lift your camera, somehow miraculously still in your hand, and push the button."

This paragraph to me is a good example of a paragraph that could be greatly enhanced by invoking more internal monologue from the protagonist, maybe hearing some of her thoughts instead of telling us her thoughts. Showing instead of telling would have greatly enriched the narrative in a moment like this. In my opinion, maybe using a first-person perspective as opposed to a second-person perspective would have aided greatly in invoking this effect in the reader.

Time to restart, let's see what happens if we choose to just stay home.

Hmmm, I don't like that if you keep insisting on staying home you just get an automatic end game. I think it would have been more immersive and enjoyable to just not give me an option on going out or not.

Alright, let's go for another walk. Okay so, I just got the "long road home" ending. It's strange to me that they're so hell-bent on killing us, that as soon as we get home they just stop trying? Everything kind of feels a bit rushed and empty in this path, there's no talk with Susan on us getting fuckin' molly wopped and shot at, no panic, we just go to bed? Wtf?

In this path we also have a knife. I feel like it would have been better to subtly or smoothly imply that we always take a knife with us when we go outside, or show it in a covert manner, such as us accidentally forgetting we keep it with us in our coat pocket and we nick ourselves on it, just to let the reader know that the knife is there as opposed to something which seemingly came from nothing. Also, you'd think she would maybe pull the knife out on the spider route too? We never see the knife in that path, admittedly we'd obviously die anyways, but it feels like it'd make more sense if she at least THOUGHT about taking it out to defend herself, some sort of consideration.

Okay, well, I've pretty much gone ahead and found all the endings now. And... this was one weird story. The plot is largely nonsensical, to be honest. Why are there all of a sudden vampires, bugs everywhere, weird burnt creatures, and literally everything out to kill us? There's really no explanation or even path which seems to explore this. There's really no way you can "win" except for choosing to stay home, and even then, we only find out you're fine for that one night, because let's be honest, those events like the random muggings and shit must have happened anyways lol so the world was still turning to shit and we'd still die eventually? I'm assuming.

Conclusion:
While the story demonstrates good SPAG, its plot and enjoyment factor are minimal. It serves as an example of technically proficient writing that falls short in storytelling. The narrative would benefit from:

More showing and less telling
A shift to first-person perspective
Improved plot coherence
Less abrupt and random plot developments
Better explanation of supernatural elements

Overall, this story presents a perplexing world where everything seems intent on killing the protagonist, yet fails to provide satisfying explanations or resolutions. The result is a disjointed narrative that, despite its technical proficiency, fails to fully engage or satisfy the reader.

Fairly decent story! Not a very exciting idea, but the plot fits well with the evening at Chicago. There's a strong sense of immersion throughout, and was overall a good read.

Needs spell check, but interesting story. I enjoyed the read.

I enjoyed the excessive amount of description.

Some Picky people may point out that the Little Calumet river is in Indiana, not chicago, not sure it reaches the lake.

Go through warehouse
Confused by the initial shadow references. Shadow is singular but they you refer to them being in front and behind.

3rd floor
Second paragraph is awkwardly worded. Had to read it a couple of timew.

First read pretty good. A couple of notes. In the first scene you talk about the Chicago skyline, but the picture there does not support that. There are some weird numbers and % symbols in the text.
Walk Commercial
more weird % and symbols in text.
Check out Bar
%and Susan w/ weird symbols.
In bar
How know is blood rivilets, Maybe looks like blood but assume it's fake?
Sign Contract
Susan and 5 symbols.
Really good job. I will look at it again later.