Dream in cinema...

A modern storygame by mita_SRB

Player Rating1.73/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"

Based on 11 ratings since
Played times (finished )

Story Difficulty7/8

"Wade in shark infested water"

Play Length1/8

"Make sure not to blink"

Maturity Level3/8

"Must be at least this tall to play"

Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

Player Comments

Extremely linear, tons of grammar mistakes, lack of plot, no character details, random (unexplained) deaths, snd it needs to be worked on.

I can see you started working on this game today. It should NOT take a day (unless you spent time before thinking out a good plot). For many writers it can take weeks, or even months. Next time, spend more time than a day.

— Political on 12/27/2015 4:13:52 AM with a score of 0

Seemed to be only one good ending, but that can work. There are a few grammatical mistakes, so reading ALL of it before publishing is a good idea (even if it can seem pointless it helps a heap).

*SPOILER AHEAD*

Also something like "You jump and you die. You wake up in cinema." could use a bit more detail. Honestly the whole story could use a bit more detail.
When you kill two people (going for the good ending) it sort of just happens, you could add actual dialogue where they talk about the bombing. Also they are obviously important, having the power to cancel the bombing.

Overall don't get discouraged, you can make this into a good story just by adding more detail!
You can have pages that just have a "Continue" button, allowing more story.
You can use what you have here as a template for writing a longer, better story!

P.S. There is a lot that you can expand on, like why I took pills that cause sleepiness before going to a movie, so just write more and proof read! :D