Player Comments on A Metric Measurment of Death

The story started out well enough. There was a decent setup and description of the setting. It was a little rushed and felt forced, leaving it feeling like there was more that I was missing, but that wasn’t too bad. It would be a little stronger with more at the start there. It was sort of like I was getting a description of some aspects of life, but skipped others. It was also kind of jarring to go from, “Gee, you might be able to get a job” to “Well, by job, I mean killing people, prostitution, or drug dealer.” I think one of the gaps in the reading for me is that there’s a setup, but no option. The story starts out with this universe of options, but quickly devolves into, “Oh, by the way, you’re into violence, good choice you made” with very little backstory. Was I into violence yesterday? Why not? What happened between the first sentences of this story and the end of the first page that has directed me straight into unarmed, unskilled mercenary killer?

The next page continues, and I like the setup and the choices. I’m not sure how, being this utterly inexperienced, unarmed, unskilled, baby of a person, suddenly knows all the fixers in town, their reputations, and their hangouts. I did like the characters and their skills and how that all worked into the cyberpunk universe. The training seemed a little unrealistic. Am I the only person in this universe willing to kill for hire? I don’t see why they’d invest so much in me at the start when they don’t know anything about me or if I’m actually going to work for them.

I did like the story overall. I liked the idea of the options and the killings. It might have been a little more effective with more hints in the descriptions around what options might work better than others. The results were a bit short as well, but perhaps that was due to the deadline for the contest. Thank you for sharing this story with the site!

A Metric Measurment of Death
First thing I’d like to point out, it’s measurement not measurment.
I liked it, but if I’m being honest I say that about every story I read that I don’t think totally sucked. On the first page, I misinterpreted something and I had to reread it a few times before I understood. I think that’s just me though.

If you don’t know yet (you likely don’t) I’m a nitpicker and I have a habit of pointing out every little thing I notice.

1. On page Born free, paragraph 1, sentences 5-6, it says, “...people. It's…” I think this is more of an opinion than grammar because I’m still a kid and don’t know which is accurate, but I think it’s …people, it’s… not …people. It’s… if I made a mistake there, my bad. The …s are just skipping over text that is unnecessary for me to type.

2. This entirely isn’t grammar or anything as is pretty much opinion, but you named the page Born free which is confusing to the reader until they learn what that means. I prefer names that can be understood by the first paragraph. I can guess, but it doesn’t say as to why being free is important.

3. Again, I don’t have specific examples to pull up right now but there’s just way too many periods. Same with some of the last paragraph.

I would point out more if there is more, but it got really late and I had to sleep and now it’s the next day and I’ve forgotten pretty much everything that happened, sorry. Maybe I’ll come back to this! (probably not)

So.. two choices where the options are all alike with the information you have, and then it ends? This sucks.

nice

Amazing

I like this story, man. Its pretty freaking cool.

You should totally expand on it though, that would be awesome.

And hopefully not have it be consumed by the editor.

Not bad but it seems really short. Like really really short. It'll "never be the same" working without these two people that I don't care about because they were mentioned only on the last page? You should turn this into a full story with the same ideas.

And it's spelled Measurement by the way.

I liked the game overall, but two of the paths were short, and I would have liked to see more with them. Also, I would have liked to learn more about what his life is like when he's successful.

Epilogue: Just another hitter.