Player Comments on A stranger's love

One thing I have to say as an avid reader and writer, you need to have a better flow. The character goes from one place to the other too quickly, and meeting the stranger on the first day, instantly forming a connection makes the story go by too fast. Slow it down a bit for your readers to enjoy, make sure the story stays interesting and have the relationship develop naturally.

Formally Speaking,
~Kite :0)

There are parts of the story that are written reasonably well, but it lacks serious amounts of detail. based of off that, I think it was possible to add vivid details to the story, the first page proves that.

I noticed a poor amount of detail put into certain parts of the story that would normally be considered important. In order to make progress I think there would have to be a good amount of information to contemplate. Unfortunately, there was not much to act on.

When it came to the actual date there was a lot left out. There was no explanation of the date itself, where the characters went, how well the date had gone and what happened after the date. I also do not understand why there are large amounts of time skipped over. I believe there was two years skipped over before the characters meet again. I would of enjoyed a much longer story that would have given a romantic climax.

The ending of the story was not very explanatory. When I would choose to continue dating it would not give much detail aiding my digestion of the situations encountered.

This was written well and the choices did seem to have an impact on the story which I like. However, there seemed to be a lot missing from the story. The part that strikes me as somewhat odd was that you cut the date out of the story. Surely this should be one of the most important parts of the game, but instead it's just a "your date went well" or something along those lines. By telling us more about that scene you could have fleshed out the story more - maybe the guy turns out to be perfect, maybe he's a psychopath. It would have allowed for a much deeper narrative.

Too short and no surprises. :( For first try - good!

I thought you did great, I loved it and I think you should keep writing these.

HORRIBLE

Short, but pretty good. It needs a bit of improvement, like maybe a longer middle. I liked the story though.

It needs to be longer. Other than that, it is good.

This story seemed a bit short

Too short...

I loved it.....but you should try putting more description in it like the date and suff but overall you did a good job

I love it for a first time. Just ignore the bashers, they just dont know how stories do espiesially when its your first time trying...hope you get used to it :D

anyone could win this. but it is kinda good for a first story-_^

I don't know what was going on when you wrote this.

Dangit! I lost all my queotes! Only one rermains!

<Dark black, silky, and shiny hair, small dark eyes, thin small, pale, and long face, small nose, tall and thin, wearing a white dress shirt with dress shoes and black pants.

I think that was put most effort in to in this story.


It's no fun if you don't get to write an overly long review...

First, it was very sudden. I mean, how do you get a boyfriend when you just met him that day. Also there were a lot of grammer mistakes. It's way too short and the climax of the story is on the second page!!!!!!! This not good so put more effort into it.
-Icestorm

Very short and enjoyable. But, I didn't really like the endings

That was horrible

It should have been longer but it was good

It was very short.

i think its to short sorry

It barely made sense but it was good I guess I just wish that the story was longer with more details!

Okay but boring.

VERY CUTE. THAT IS HOW MY BOYFRIEND AND I MET!

It was okay. The pacing was horrific though. The slow buildup was followed by an all too rapid climax and two very cliché endings, which you didn't even put much effort into writing, apparently. As far as story, it was standard. Your writing did seem to be pretty good, so I went ahead and gave you a 5/8.

Good job. Kind of cute.

I liked it. It was WAY too short, but it still had a nice storyline. Very detailed.

... Did I just marry Psy? AWESOME!!! ^_^

It was a little too short, and I felt like I didn't have many options. The description of the guy was okay though. :)

Heck yes, cute Korean boy! I imagined him looking like Sung Kang from Tokyo Drift (with the shaggy hair *swoon*)

I felt like this was made just for the point of making a game.

Great first attempt...but why south korea, of all places?

It was all right. The problems I have with it are that it's very short and that it's kind of obvious what you should choose in order to "win." But keep trying and I'm sure you can improve on your next storygames.

Not too bad, but way too short.

Wow. That. Was. Short.

I liked it, but I think it was too short and there weren't enough things to do.

so if she doesnt marry this one guy she is alone forever? kind of depressing though it still was nice I really would have liked to know the characters names however if you are making any changes.

It wasn't bad at all, but proves way to short to really get deeply into.