Player Comments on A Trip to School

I definitely would have preferred this storygame to be a little longer, as well as to focus more on the rebellion itself...rather than on the events preceding it and the aftermath of it.

I thought that you started this storygame off really strong. While it's not the first thing I've read where the narrator (or in this case, the player character) is dying, I found myself really intrigued by the start of the story...the letter being written by the dying player character.

I thought it was really interesting to see that there were conflicts between elves and humans, as well as the setting being a more 'modern' one, with technology rather than magic. I would have liked the opportunity to explore more of the setting, the world and the characters.

I really liked the fact that the different choices affected the ending and the letter the player character wrote, but I definitely would have liked a bit more information about which choice linked to each ending. For instance, the offer to help change things ultimately had Nimue killing Rod...and there was nothing to indicate why that would be. Then again, hugging him ended up with them getting married, so that was pretty self-explanatory.

This world and the characters involved were definitely intriguing, and I'd be interested in learning more about the world and the history between elves and humans. There was some great tension when first arriving at the school and having the protests occurring, and that's definitely something I would have liked to see more of.

You mentioned you're going to unpublish this storygame after the contest is over, but I hope you decide to revisit this world and expand it. There's a huge amount of potential here that I'd love to see explored more.

Thanks for sharing!

The elf version of Brown v. Board of Education.

This was short and sweet. However, this was less about a rebellion and more about the aftermath of forced desegregation. One decision tells you how the rebellion goes, and it's the last one. However, that has a benefit: it allows you to quickly check out all three endings that come from that choice. Sometimes checking out alternative realities in a story can be fun, as it is the case here.

I wasn't too pleased with the hypocrisy of the protagonist. She seems quite prejudiced against humans at first, and then we find that her father is human. Of course, this is actually fairly plausible. When forced to choose between the two natures that make up a mix-raced person, often times they'll choose whatever one fits in where they are at.

Anyway, a short story with a fairly serious topic. This is less a fantasy story than a stand-in for human history.

Hi Darius,
I really enjoyed this story. The scene where Rod walked into school was very reminiscent of Ruby Bridges.

I really liked the meeting between Nimue and Rod, and the reveal towards the midpoint of the story that Nimue was a half-elf. Well done!

My favorite part were the variety in the endings, I mean, it's so crazy to think that a small decision you make as a kid could have such long lasting effects from you never interacting much with Rod and him becoming a great general, to you and Rod interacting more and him assassinating you when you become an elf-sympathizer, to you and Rod getting married, to you murdering Rod because he refused to compromise.

It was really interesting and I really want some more, great job!